The Conversation Series
by Su Freund
Summary: Jacob summons Jack to his deathbed, and the consequences of this conversation
1. The Conversation

Title: The Conversation

Author: Su Freund

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: Episode Tag, Missing Scene, Angst, Drama

Fiction Rated: T

Content Warnings: Use of mild language

Spoilers: Secrets, Threads.

Pairings: Jack & Sam

Season: 8

Summary: Jacob summons Jack to his deathbed

Sequel/Series Info: None

Status: Complete

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2005 Su Freund

File Size: 45 KB

Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net

Author's Note: Thanks to Vegas Barbie for the initial inspiration to write this fic, and to Bonnie for her beta and ever helpful suggestions. Fulinn28 made the wonderful book cover that adorns this fic on our site from a delicious screen cap of Jack!. Thanks Bonnie. If you want a peek go look on the site.

**The Conversation **

"You wanted to see me Jacob?" Jack said as he entered the room.

He hated to see Jacob laying there, dying. He knew it would hurt Sam when he went, and anything that hurt Sam hurt him, but he would also miss him in his own right. They'd had their disagreements but he held Jacob in high regard and hoped that respect was mutual.

"Sit Jack." Jacob indicated the chair next to his bedside.

Jack thought Jacob looked exhausted. The man was dying, what did he expect? He was pale, ashen and drawn, and the clarity in his eyes had faded rapidly over the last few days. It was a sad and depressing sight and not something Jack liked seeing, or even contemplating. The death of a friend is always hard and, after all these years, he considered Jacob a friend.

His mind wondered back to their first meeting in Washington. It had come as quite a surprise and he'd felt uncomfortable, never had liked that sort of party, and left to have a drink elsewhere; a fateful decision as it turned out. How things had changed since then.

He sat down and waited for Jacob to say something. He must have a reason for asking him to come.

"I haven't got much time left so I can't afford the time to be subtle, Jack." Jacob said. His voice was losing its strength, which was also depressing. To see a man who was so vital and full of life start fading away right in front of your eyes isn't easy. It brought a lump to Jack's throat but his expression remained impassive. "You and Sam… Are you in love with my daughter?"

Jack was aghast, wondering whether he should lie and, if he did, whether Jacob would see through him. Was this going to be the, "don't ruin my daughter's career" lecture? After everything that had been going on lately - Sam and Pete; Kerry - Jack didn't think he could take that. Nonetheless, after a long pause he decided that he couldn't lie. What was the point? If Jacob didn't know, or have a pretty good idea, then why was he asking for confirmation? Crap!

"Yes." He replied in a low voice. His cheeks were flushed but his expression remained neutral. "I've always treated her with the respect she deserves Jacob." He added, fearful that Jacob would think badly of him and believe he might take advantage of his senior position.

Jacob was silent for a while, surprised that Jack admitted it so easily, and then grasped his arm.

"I know that Jack. If I didn't we wouldn't be having this conversation. I'm not going to lecture you about the regs, or Sam's career. That isn't what I want."

"What do you want?" Jack's tone was subdued.

"I want you to tell her how you feel." In response, Jack's eyes widened with shock.

"Jacob? I can't believe you just said that. You know I can't."

"Why not? Just because of a few rules?"

"You're a General in the Air Force, and you're encouraging me to flout the regs?"

"Some things are more important to me than Air Force regs, or anything else. She's my daughter. I want her to be happy; to be with the man she wants."

"She is. He's called Pete." It pained Jack to even think about that, let alone voice it, and Jacob caught a glimpse of that pain before it was resolutely suppressed.

"No Jack. You're wrong and I think deep down you know it. She's settling for second best because she believes her first choice is unattainable."

Jack sucked breath through his teeth. His heart was beating rapidly and he felt slightly nauseous. He remembered a conversation long ago, with Sara's father. It hadn't been quite like this, but the feeling was the same. Fear. What exactly was he afraid of? His feelings for Sam? The consequences of telling her? The consequences of not telling her? All of that, and more.

The heart might get old, and the arteries harden, but what lay inside that heart was just as young as it had always been. Jack felt like a youngster again, facing the father of the woman he loved. The former might not be true anymore, but the latter most certainly was.

"If you do nothing you'll lose her, and soon. Do you want that?"

"I know I will. Of course I don't want that, but I don't have many options."

"Of course you do. You can't let her marry that Shannahan guy."

Jack smiled thinly.

"You don't like him?"

"He isn't right for her."

"And I am? Give me a break. You're kidding, right?"

"A man lying on his death bed does not make jokes about his daughter's future."

"You sure are full of surprises this visit, Jacob." His tone was slightly acerbic.

"You think I should believe you're wrong for her?"

"I really don't know what to think. I just…"

"Jack, she loves you."

The words surprised Jack and he tried to swallow his anxiety, and excitement.

"How do you know that?" Jacob detected the cracking voice and smiled.

"I'm her father."

"Yeah? So you're telepathic? I can't see her telling you that."

"Of course not, but I know, just as I know how you feel about her." Jacob sighed. "I don't know whether you two would make it or not. I can't predict the future Jack. I just know you should give it a shot, and your best one, because she deserves that."

Jack couldn't quite believe this conversation. It made him proud to know that Jacob felt that way about him, but… there were a lot of buts. The conversation made him feel uncomfortable, and yet was also a comfort.

"I'm flattered Jacob. I respect you and I'm pleased you think I'm worthy of Sam. You couldn't pay me a better compliment than that. But…" He tailed off, unable to articulate his feelings and reluctant to even try.

"But what? I want what's best for my daughter. I want her to be happy, have a family. I want her to be loved and protected. I can't think of anyone who can do that better than you. You've both been through so much together."

"You could see that as a downside."

"Why? You could never share as much with other people as you could with each other."

Jack knew that was probably true. They knew each other well, but then again, they didn't. In many ways they hardly knew each other at all, even after all this time and all their shared experiences.

"She's getting married, Jacob. She's engaged to another man."

"And I bet that hurts, huh? And it's wounded your pride too. You think she's moved on? So does she. You're both wrong. Don't let pride stand in the way, Jack. That would be childish."

"Yeah, well some folks say that about me."

"I've noticed that act. It's a good one and can serve you well, but not this time. Open your heart. Stop protecting yourself and let it out. You're a courageous man."

"Not that courageous." Jack joked, self-mockingly.

"Courage in battle but not with your heart? Courage with your enemies but not your friends? Jack, if one of you doesn't do something, three lives are going to be ruined here: yours, hers and Pete's. You can't let that happen. I don't want to see that happen, or believe that it will once I'm gone."

Jack didn't reply, his mind wandering off to recent events. Sam coming to his place, telling him she had doubts. He was pretty sure she was going to say that some of those doubts were linked to her feelings for him. He wished they could have had that conversation, but also feared it. They'd kept the genie in the bottle for so long, maybe too long, and uncorking it might unleash untold horrors on them all. There was so much uncertainty in that future.

Then there was Kerry's visit to his office. She'd seen right through them both, or certainly right through him. It had hurt when she dumped him, and he'd worked hard not to show it, but it had also been a relief, of sorts. She was spot on about his feelings, but he wasn't so sure that acting on them was a good thing.

Now Jacob. That was a real shocker. He wasn't quite sure how to react to this situation; it was such a total surprise that Jacob felt like this.

"Life is one big risk, Jack, you know that." Jacob said in the face of Jack's silence. "So take this risk. Look after my daughter for me." He saw Jack's expression. "Yes, so she's engaged, but if you gave her a sign, some hope, I'm betting she'd drop Pete like a hot potato."

"I can't ask that of her. It's not fair. I don't have anything to offer her, Jacob."

"The fact that you say that makes me even more sure that I'm right about this. It's what makes you so right for her, Jack, don't you see? That's why I want you to look after my girl. You have more to offer than you think."

"I'm flattered, truly I am…" once more he tailed off, not knowing what to say, how to react. He was flustered by the conversation and felt out of his depth, but pressed on, hoping he could effectively convey his meaning. "I would be honored to do as you ask and I would never let her down if she needed my help, Jacob, but you're asking me to make a promise I'm not sure I can keep. It's Sam's future we're talking about here. She has a pretty large say in it."

"But you can promise me you'll think seriously about it, Jack. All it would take is some courage, faith and a few words."

"Faith?" Jack chuckled but the laughter was hollow. "Not sure I've got any of that to spare."

Jacob knew Jack was damaged goods. He'd been to hell, more than once, and survived. That scarred a man, possibly irreparably; it was bound to. He knew a lot about Jack's sad and regrettable history: the loss of his son and wife, Iraq, and much more besides. He knew about the torture and pain, the killing and destruction: the dirty secret things that Jack had done for his country, and this planet, and the dirty secret things that Jack had suffered as a consequence.

Nevertheless, he knew Jack was a good man, one of the best. He wanted his daughter to have the best and believed it was worth the risk – leaving his daughter in the hands of this damaged man. He'd seen Jack in action, known him for a long time. He'd seen enough to know that he was right. He admired and respected him. The man was a freakin' hero, but he would never think that about himself.

Jack's apparent cockiness and self-confidence frequently hid a self-effacing nature and lack of self-assurance. Jacob thought it ironic. Jack was an enigma, a conundrum, but he was an honorable man who respected his daughter, and that was important, if not crucial. A good man inside that partially blackened and damaged heart. He would treat Sam as she deserved to be treated, and that was more than enough for her father.

Jacob had exhausted himself making the effort to have this conversation. It appeared that Jack was bamboozled by it and that was no surprise. He needed time to digest it, think about it. He considered that he shouldn't push it any further than this and hoped he hadn't tried to push it too far, too quickly. But what choice did he have? He wouldn't be around for much longer; probably wouldn't live long enough to see the outcome. That thought saddened him.

"Hi dad, Sir."

It was Sam. Jack wondered how long she'd been lurking in the doorway and blushed, standing up. Saved by the bell – the thought flittered through the minds of both men.

"I'd better go and leave you two alone. Bet you've got lots to talk about." Jack said, a ghost of a smile on his face, but looking more uncomfortable than ever.

Jacob smiled inside himself. He knew he'd given Jack a lot of food for thought and hoped he'd do the right thing. The trouble with Jack's maverick nature was that you couldn't always predict what he would consider as the right thing.

"Yes Sir." Sam smiled and Jack's heart flipped. He would pay almost any price to see that smile.

"Jack," said Jacob as Jack reached the door, "think about what I said. Please."

"I will. I promise."

Then he was gone. It was the last conversation he had with Jacob before he died and he would remember it always.

"What was that all about?" Sam asked her father, curiously.

"Just a bit of General talk. Nothing important." Jacob lied, hoping that Jack really would think about it and not bury it away with everything else.

Jack wandered back to his office, deep in thought. There was a lot to think about, and a lot of pros and cons to consider. The one thing he knew for sure was that he would be there for Sam when she needed him. Always. And she was going to need him real soon.

The End


	2. Another Conversation

Title: Another Conversation 

Author: Su Freund

E-mail: See bio

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: Missing scene, Romance, Drama

Content Level: Age 13+

Content Warnings: Minor use of mild language

Spoilers: Threads

Pairings: Jack & Sam

Season: 8

Summary: Sam gets a surprise when Jack comes knocking at her door

Sequel/Series Info: Sequel to The Conversation

Status: Complete

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2005 Su Freund

File Size: 52 KB

Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net

Author's Note: Thanks once again to Bonnie for her beta and helpful suggestions. As Fulinn28, she a made the book cover that illustrates this fic on our site from a lovely (although I am extremely biased) cap of Jack. It's on my site at the above address if you want to take a look.

**Another Conversation **

"General?" She was surprised by his appearance on her doorstop. They rarely made unplanned visits to each other off base, only in cases of emergency. What had happened? "Is everything alright, Sir?"

"That's what I came to ask you Carter. Can I come in?"

"Sorry. Of course. Can I get you a coffee, or something?"

"Sure. Coffee's good."

He followed her through to the kitchen, watching in silence as she made coffee and led him into her living room with it. They sat down together on her couch and she looked at him expectantly.

"So, what brings you here, Sir?" She asked.

"I just…" He paused, seemingly a little unprepared, "I just wanted to see how you're doin'."

"That's good of you Sir. I'm fine."

He merely cocked an eyebrow to query her statement and she looked down at her coffee cup, unwilling to meet his inquisitive gaze. His eyes showed his concern very clearly and made her feel slightly self-conscious. When she didn't answer his unspoken enquiry, he continued.

"Don't kid a kidder, Carter. You don't have to lie to me. I thought we were friends. You haven't been yourself and I wouldn't expect you to be. Jacob… well, we'll all miss him, but he was your father. I want you to know that I'm here for you… if you need me."

She looked up at him again, a faint smile meeting his concern.

"I know that, Sir, I really do."

"Good. I know you've got Pete, so you don't need me around, but…"

"Not anymore."

"Pardon?" He was taken aback, not sure of her meaning.

"There's no Pete anymore. We broke up."

"Oh!" Why hadn't he known about this, he wondered? He should have known, it bothered him that he didn't and he wasn't quite sure how to react - happy for himself or sad for her. "I'm sorry Carter. What happened? When?"

"I broke it off just after dad died."

"Wasn't the timing a little off?" He wondered if it was one of those dumb things you do when you're grieving, instead of the level-headed decision it should have been.

"It wasn't anything to do with dad dying. I knew before that. I just… it took me a while to figure it out is all."

"Oh," He paused to study her, "well, if you need a shoulder, Carter, I'm here."

He was a little flustered by her break up with Pete. Although she had expressed doubts she never got to finish what she was going to say to him because Kerry had been there. That had been pretty embarrassing. Talk about bad timing!

"I can't think of a better shoulder." She smiled, but still looked sad.

"I'll keep it vacant for you." He offered, moving closer and placing his arm around her shoulder. She leaned her head on it, taking his hand and caressing it just as she had the day her father died. Jack's stomach was in knots with a mixture of anxiety and pleasure.

"I'd like that… Jack."

He froze, arching his eyebrows in surprise, heart hammering. Jack?

"You would?"

Suddenly his mouth was dry and he imagined he'd croaked rather than spoken it. Instead of replying directly, Sam appeared to change the subject.

"Dad really liked you."

"And what about you?" He replied, nervously steering the conversation back onto the track he believed it had been taking.

"I really like you too." She confessed, simply.

Jack nodded and squeezed her hand, running his fingers through her hair affectionately.

"So I do okay in the Carter book, huh?"

"You sure do. More coffee?" She asked abruptly.

Suddenly feeling awkward, she let him go and stood up before he could say or do anything more, going back out to the kitchen. He followed her again, watching her fiddle with the coffee pot and mugs, her back turned towards him. He had an overwhelming desire to walk over, enfold her in his arms and kiss her delicate pale neck, which he quickly suppressed.

"I wish you'd told me about Pete." He said.

"I was going to. Things have been a bit… It's been hard. It hasn't really been that long."

"No. I just… wish you'd said something."

"What would you have me say?" She said a little too sharply, turning to look at him.

"I don't know. I-I… Crap! We aren't going to get into an argument are we?"

"No, I'm sorry. You're right, I should have told you. I just… I didn't know how to, or what you would think when I did. I'm sorry. I'm a little edgy."

"I think, under the circumstances, you have that right."

"Not with my CO."

"I'm here as your friend."

She nodded and turned back to concentrate on the coffee, needing to break the hold of his eyes. That could be tough to do with Jack sometimes.

"Besides, Jacob asked me to look after his little girl." He added.

"He did? Is that why you're here? Well, I'm not his little girl anymore. You don't have to."

"But I'd like to." He stopped breathing, awaiting her reaction.

"I'd like you to as well." She still had her back turned, playing with the carafe of coffee, unable to face him. "But…" Again he held his breath. But? For crying out loud, hadn't there been enough buts already? "But, I'm not ready Jack." What the heck did that mean?

"I-I don't understand." He stammered.

Summoning some courage, she turned to look him right in the eye.

"I mean dad just died and I need some time."

"Oh. So, do you think you'll ever be ready?" He asked gingerly.

It seemed they were almost talking in code, but it was a code that they both understood very well.

"I think so"

"Okay. Then I'll be, waiting."

"Will you? I hope so because I'd like that a lot, Jack."

"You must know I will, Sam. Always."

She smiled and he returned it, both looking like a pair of gawky teenagers. And this was how they reached their understanding: their time would come and it would be soon. Now that they both knew it was possible, and what they wanted, they were both happy to wait a while longer, despite that they had already waited what seemed to be an eternity.

They returned to their previous position on the couch, Sam's head on his shoulder, his arm around her, holding hands. Nothing more; it was enough to be going on with.

"Are you really sorry Pete and I split up?" She asked, breaking the now comfortable silence.

"What do you think?" His tone dripped with sarcasm.

"You came although you knew Pete might have been here, Jack. I appreciate that."

"Actually, I knew he wouldn't be here. I called the cops to find out if he was on duty. He's still in the Springs. Is he staying here?"

"You called the cops?" She laughed.

"What's so funny? I wanted to catch you alone."

"I'm glad we're alone, although there's always the risk of Daniel. His timing generally stinks." She joked, and Jack grinned to himself. How true that was.

"If he shows up I'll whup his ass." He declared.

"Me too."

"So… about Pete?" Jack asked reluctantly, not really wanting to talk about him but needing to know what her ex was up to.

"He's not staying in the Springs; he's transferring back to Denver PD."

"That's a relief." He admitted.

"He isn't a threat to you. It doesn't matter where he is."

"I guess I'll feel better if I know he's not hanging around."

"Me too. Jealous?" She dared to ask it. He had barely shown his feelings about her relationship with Pete and she wanted to probe a little further, if he'd let her.

"What do you think, Sam? I tried hard to be happy for you and convince myself that you were doing the right thing."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"You never thought he was right?"

"What do I know? I'm not exactly objective. It wasn't my call."

'It could have been.' Sam thought, but didn't say anything. It was way too complicated to be that simple.

"Unless you really need to talk about this, do you think we can change the subject?" He asked. He didn't even want to remember that Pete existed, let alone talk about him.

"Okay. We don't have to talk about him. So, what else did dad say to you?" She was more than a little curious.

"If I told ya, I'd have to shoot ya." He joked.

"Funny. I'm serious!"

"I know, but that man to man stuff is just as private as that woman to woman stuff, Sam."

"So you aren't telling?"

"No. Sworn to secrecy."

"Spoil sport."

"Goes with the job."

"And this has exactly what to do with the job?"

"Well, it's a hard habit to break. Besides, I am still your CO."

"Don't I know it!"

"I guess maybe I'm gonna have to do something about that one day."

"Or I am."

"We'll cross that bridge…"

There was more silence as they pondered that disagreeable fact, which Jack eventually broke.

"He did say he liked me, which was cool."

"I already knew that."

"I know. I'm just sayin'…"

"Uh, huh. Any other scraps you wanna share? After all, it must have been one of the last conversations he had before he died."

"Hey, don't pull that one on me Sam. That's not fair. You think you're going to guilt me into talking about it?"

"Worth a try." She grinned wickedly. "I'm just curious."

"He was a good man. Isn't that enough to know?"

"Yes he was, wasn't he? There was a time when I thought he wasn't. I feel a little guilty about that."

"You shouldn't. He knew you loved and respected him. You had all those extra years, remember?"

He was thinking about their short conversation in the observation room just before Jacob died. If that had never happened he might not be there now and this gave Jack some pause for thought.

"Of course I remember. I'm glad you were there Jack."

"Me too."

He was uncertain whether she referred to him being there on that particular day, or for the past few years. In the end it didn't matter which because his response would have been the same.

"I guess I'm glad you're in my life Jack. That day, all the days, and especially today."

"How about tomorrow?"

"And the day after."

He squeezed her affectionately and she lifted her head to look into his eyes.

"And the day after that?" He added.

"Yeahsureyabetchya!"

"Are you makin' fun of me?" he chuckled.

"Would I do that to a superior officer?" This time her tone was definitely mocking. "Anyway, isn't that more your style?"

"Yes sirree, I love making fun of superior officers."

"And more junior ones."

"It's one of my many talents."

They both laughed and then fell silent. The room was darkening around them, the day drawing to a close, but they ignored the onset of night for a while. Jack was thinking about what Jacob had said about having faith. He had lacked faith but figured that some of that had been restored today.

Although he was reluctant to move, breaking the spell and bringing this moment to an end, Sam had asked for time and he wanted to let her have it. This had already gone beyond what it should have and they both had some thinking to do.

"I guess I ought to get goin'. If I hang around much longer you might never get rid of me." He said after the longest time.

"I'm not sure I want to get rid of you exactly, but you're right, you should go."

She had similar reasons for agreeing, but was also reluctant, and sounded regretful. They had said so little but it had meant so much. They got up and she put on some lights, walking him to the door.

"If you need me, just call. Anytime, Sam." He said as he crossed the threshold.

She nodded and he turned away, walking towards his truck. She watched and thought he wouldn't turn back, but he did.

"I had a crazy thought." He said. "How about we all go to the cabin for a few days. You, me, Daniel and Teal'c.

"All four of us? To Minnesota?" She walked over to him.

"Know any other cabins I might be referring to? It could be fun to get the old team together; a little R&R, maybe a spot of fishing: loons; loofahs; sky-blue waters; yadda." As he spoke, her grin broadened.

"Mosquitoes?" She cocked her head, her smile teasing.

"Well, nothin's perfect. What do you think?"

"I think I'd like that."

"You would? You mean I finally get you to the cabin? Great! The guys can play chaperone. You know what will happen if we go alone and, however much I would like that..." he tailed off.

"Yeah, that thing that would inevitably have happened if I'd accepted any of your previous invitations."

"Ya think?"

"I know."

He smiled, wanting to kiss her but knowing it would be the wrong thing to do right now.

"I'll see if I can persuade Daniel and Teal'c."

"I'll help."

"Cool! Okay. I'm really goin' this time."

Impulsively, she kissed him on the cheek, whispering in his ear.

"I do love you, Jack O'Neill."

He grinned boyishly, nodding, getting into his truck and trying not to look back, but he couldn't help himself and he gave a small wave. As he drove off he was thinking, 'Me too, Sam, me too.'

The End


	3. Conversation Interrupted

Title: Conversation Interrupted

Author: Su Freund

E-mail: See bio

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: Romance

Content Level: Age 13+

Content Warnings: Minor use of mild language

Pairings: Jack & Sam

Season: 8/9

Spoilers: Threads and S8 in general plus references to S9 spoiler rumours

Summary: Sam has finally agreed to accompany Jack to his cabin

Sequel/Series Info: Sequel to The Conversation and Another Conversation.

Status: Complete

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2005 Su Freund

File Size: 53 KB

Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net

Author's Note: Thanks are also due to Bonnie for reading this story and picking up those things I missed! Any remaining errors, however, are entirely my own. Also thanks to her for making the wonderful book cover that illustrates this fic on my site, from a lovely photo manipulation created by the great Jodie Marie. Take a look at it on my site at the above address.

**Conversation Interrupted **

Jack was at peace sitting on his dock in Minnesota, Sam right next to him, humming to herself and dangling her feet in the water. What more could he want?

The answer was 'a whole hell of a lot more, actually', but he was content with the status quo for now. Sam was here at his cabin at last, and there was probably a future for them sometime soon. She looked and sounded as peaceful as he felt and he'd pay top dollar for that alone, given everything she'd been through in the last few months.

"Humming?" He queried with a small smile.

"I'm in a good mood. It really is great here, Jack." He had insisted on no 'Sirs' or 'Generals'. It was a tough habit to break but she was easing into it.

"I love it but I was never really sure you would."

"You think it's too quiet and tranquil for me?"

"Something like that. I wondered how you'd get along without all your doohickies." His tone was tongue in cheek and her response surprised him.

"You always did make me look beyond the science and at the beauty of things."

"Me? You've got to be kidding." He found that notion laughable and chuckled appropriately.

"No, I'm not! You made me look at the stars when all I looked at was the physics."

"And now I'm making you look at the trees when all you think about is the photosynthesis?"

His tone was jokily sarcastic, the whole concept of a tree being highly questionable - if you believed his grumbles about them on nearly every planet they had ever visited, that is. She laughed, and it always made him happy when she appreciated his humour.

"And the sunshine shimmering on the water, and the bluest of blue skies, and… lots of stuff. Not only that, but I found out your little secret." She replied.

"Oh? Which one?" He raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"That you actually like trees." She teased, smiling and capturing his gaze.

"Phew! I thought it was the other one." He kidded.

"I'm sure I'll wheedle that out of you eventually."

"Never!" His grin broadened.

Continuing to look into his eyes, her finger started to lightly trace patterns on the back of his hand and he shivered at her touch.

"Sam?" Her manoeuvre caught him off-guard.

"I like being here with you, Jack." She confessed.

Flushing at the compliment, he grinned boyishly. That just about made his day, if not his whole vacation.

"Even better." He said and she squeezed his hand, about to say something more when they were interrupted. 'Damn Daniel Jackson to hell!' Jack cursed inwardly.

Daniel had crept up behind them from the cabin and they were so wrapped up in each other that they didn't even notice until he was on top of them asking what they were going to do today. Sam rapidly removed her hand and eyes from Jack's, but not before Daniel noticed.

Jack wasn't the only one cursing inwardly. Daniel was wondering why it was always him that seemed to interrupt those special moments. Sam and Narim, Sam and Martouf, Sam and Jack. 'What is it with Sam and men, anyway?' he thought. He had never seen Sam as anything more than a friend, and loved her entirely in that platonic way as well as holding her friendship in high regard, but other men seemed to pee in their pants every time she entered a room!

Jack and Sam, though, that would be something else. Daniel really hoped they'd make it because he had a pretty shrewd idea of how they felt about each other. You'd have to be blind to miss it, and he could be pretty unobservant about that kind of thing. Sometimes he thought they were the only ones who didn't know. Then some little thing would happen that would make him believe that they did know. They were a puzzle to him and he thought they should just go for it and everything and everyone else be damned.

"I don't feel like doing much except sit around here, maybe goin' for a walk later." Sam replied hastily, wishing for Daniel and Teal'c to go off somewhere for the day and leave her and Jack alone.

"Well, Teal'c and I feel like going somewhere. Jack?"

Jack sneaked a look at Sam but her expression gave nothing away. Did she want to be alone or would she like him to hang around? He figured the latter, but would check to make sure.

"Lazing around and maybe a walk later sounds good to me." Jack replied.

"We did that yesterday." Daniel pouted, trying to pretend not to notice the undertones of this conversation as he believed that would not necessarily be appreciated. As soon as he'd walked over he'd noticed the sexual tension. You could cut it with a knife. His two friends seemed so relaxed, and yet it was obviously there.

"Actually, Sam and I fished yesterday." Jack responded tartly, wishing Daniel was somewhere else.

"If you call that doing something." Daniel responded, equally acerbic.

"There's no need to insult fishin' just because you can't appreciate its finer points, Daniel. You and Teal'c could go somewhere without us. Nothin' to stop ya!"

"We could? There's a novelty." Daniel quipped in response, thinking, 'I can take a hint. About time they got their act together!'

"Where do you wanna go?" Jack asked.

"We were going to ask you for some ideas."

"I always have lots of those."

"That's what I figured Jack, old buddy." Daniel peered over the top of his glasses a sarcastic look in his eye. "Why don't we talk about it over breakfast? I'll go make some." He disappeared nearly as quickly as he'd appeared and Jack looked at Sam.

"He sure can be a whirlwind, can't he?" It was intended as a statement of fact rather than a question, but she answered it anyway.

"Yeah, but adorable with it."

"An adorable wind-bag, don't you mean?" Sam giggled, at the expression on Jack's face as much as at his words, "Or he might be if he didn't always interrupt those interesting moments." He grinned slyly but quickly turned serious again. "Sam, do you wanna be alone?" He tensed, hoping he was right that she wanted him here with her.

"Not alone. Alone with you."

"Ah!" He visibly relaxed again. "That sounds… kinda great. "

"Yes it does, doesn't it? Now, where were we?"

"Nowhere."

"Then maybe it's time we were somewhere."

Jack was taken aback by this hint of her intentions. A couple of weeks had passed since the evening when they'd had their previous conversation about their relationship, but he did not believe she was any more ready now than she had been then to pursue anything with him. Had he given her enough time already? It was a little unexpected, but pleased and thrilled him.

"Does this mean you're ready?" he ventured.

"God, Jack, I'm a crazy woman. I've been ready for years. I don't know why I was holding back."

"Ready for years? Sweet!" He felt slightly breathless at the thought. "A little scared, perhaps?" He knew he was!

"I guess."

"Me too."

"It's hard to believe that of Jack O'Neill."

"Oh puleeze!" He exclaimed modestly. "Besides, there's nothing wrong with scared, Sam. In combat it can keep you alive."

"This isn't combat."

"No, it's much more terrifying than that."

His voice held a hint of amusement but she believed he was serious. It was so like Jack to cover up his true feelings, and she was surprised that he was even this honest with her.

"I'm not sure how to take that!" She was chuckling.

"You know exactly what I mean."

"Yes, I do."

They smiled hesitantly at each other and Jack reached over to brush some hair from Sam's face, gently stroking her cheek. He heard her sharp intake of breath as his fingers traced over her soft skin, and his stomach churned with both nerves and excitement.

"So much for being grown ups, huh?" He commented, feeling like a teenager pursuing his heart's desire.

"Maybe the heart never grows up."

"Deep!"

"Do you think we should join the guys for breakfast and continue this later?" This type of conversation being so new to the two of them, she was beginning to feel a little awkward, particularly with the guys around.

"Frightened we'll get caught?"

"I want to keep this just for us, for now. This is private, Jack, and special."

He nodded agreement: it was very private indeed, and he hoped it turned out to be as special as she imagined. Getting up, he helped her to her feet, very tempted to pull her into his arms but denying himself that pleasure. It could wait until the boys had gone. He felt more than a little duplicitous.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Daniel was plotting with Teal'c.

"I'm just suggesting we could pretend to break down, or something, and have to spend the night in a motel." Daniel said.

"You want to give them some time alone."

"In a nutshell."

"I concur, but will it not be obvious?"

"Does it matter?"

"Perhaps not, but O'Neill is a very private man. I do not believe that we should know anything before we should know it."

Daniel looked at Teal'c askance, his expression the picture of bemusement, and coughed. Why did nearly every sentence his friend uttered have to sound so enigmatic?

"Yeah, sure. Well, act natural and they'll never guess that we've guessed something is going on."

"Act natural?" Teal'c inclined his head in query.

"Just be yourself, Teal'c, but try to be tactful."

"Tactful? Am I not the Jaffa who created tact, Daniel Jackson?"

Daniel frowned and then, spotting the glint in Teal'c's eye and the wisp of a smile in the corners of his mouth, started laughing.

"You've been hanging around us Tauri for too long, my friend."

"Indeed." Teal'c's grin broadened.

"You folks enjoying yourselves are ya?" Jack asked as he walked in the door, closely followed by Sam.

"I'm just teaching Teal'c the fine art of pancake making. He thinks it's funny." Daniel replied.

"Jaffa humour, huh? You're making pancakes? Daniel, will you marry me?" Jack quipped.

"Ask me again when you've eaten some of 'em, and only if you give up fishing, and do all the ironing. I sooo hate that!" Daniel retorted, humorously.

"It was obviously never meant to be." Jack sighed dramatically.

Sam smiled at the banter. Jack and Daniel were forever at loggerheads and it belied their mutual respect and friendship. She loved their more playful jousts, which showed something of that frequently hidden camaraderie. Too often they butted heads like a couple of bulls, although she wasn't sure that analogy was appropriate. Jack was the bull, although Daniel had his moments.

"If the Air Force does not approve of women and men being close 'friends' then I do not believe they would approve of men and men." Teal'c said.

"Teal'c!" Daniel whispered, figuring the last thing that Jack and Sam needed reminding about was USAF Regulations.

"You told me to be myself, Daniel Jackson. Is that not like myself?" Teal'c kept his voice low so that the others couldn't hear.

Sam and Jack exchanged looks.

"What's going on guys?" Jack asked suspiciously.

"Nothing. We're still arguing the toss about pancakes." Daniel responded.

"Arguing the toss about pancakes? Good one Daniel. I'll write that up in my little book of puns."

"So that's where they all come from." Daniel was trying to deflect Jack away from his original question, hoping he'd forget. And, seemingly, he did.

The pancakes turned out to be very good indeed, and the friends tucked into them with gusto, discussing places to visit in Minnesota while they ate. Afterwards, Daniel and Teal'c headed off in the SUV and Jack and Sam were alone at last, neither of them sure how they would spend these precious hours together. They looked at each other bashfully for a while and, eventually, Jack spoke.

"What's the betting that they'll find an excuse not to come back tonight and leave us alone?"

"You think so?" She blushed.

"Sam, it must be obvious, even to Daniel, that something's going on, and Teal'c sees everything. When are we normally this close? We never allow ourselves to be… like we've been."

"Well, we are on vacation." Her blush was deepening.

"You're embarrassed?"

"A little."

"Because of them?"

"And because of you."

"Me?

"This isn't exactly a normal situation for us, Jack. Our friends leave us alone because they think we're gonna have sex? Oh boy!"

"No, this isn't normal. Look, we're just two friends on vacation, Sam; it doesn't need to be anything more than that."

"I want it to be."

He reached out to hold her hand, squeezing it gently, happy that she wanted more than that.

"I won't bite, Sam. Not unless you want me to." He grinned crookedly and she laughed, dissipating some of the tension. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, huh? Wanna go for a walk?"

Jack was determined not to rush anything, or pressure Sam. The sexual tension between them was palpable; more than it had ever been, and he knew what would probably happen if they hung around the cabin. He wanted that to happen, but not too soon. He wasn't prepared to take any risks that might screw this up for them. A walk might distract them.

"Sure. Good idea."

They both packed a small backpack with water and other essentials; essential to Jack and Sam meaning a whole survival kit. It was how they'd been trained, and one never knows what's around the corner.

It was sunny and the light shone through the trees, producing a moody and distinctive dappled effect. They were surrounded by almost every imaginable hue of green as they followed the track deeper into the forest. Jack knew a really nice spot by a babbling brook where they could sit for a while and he was leading her towards it. He thought it was a romantic and charming place and hoped Sam would too.

As they walked, she took his hand and they chatted amiably about this and that, or were silent for long stretches. Suddenly, she stopped, turning to face him and stroke his cheek. He sighed wistfully.

"Let's go back. I want…" Her fingers combed through his hair and she searched his eyes. It was clear that she wanted them to kiss.

"The regs are still there," he blurted because he had just been thinking about them, but he could have kicked himself. They were both very aware of the pesky things; hadn't they been in the way for too long? Not for much longer, but Sam didn't know it yet. That he did know it made it easier for him to consider breeching them without also feeling too dishonorable.

"Yes." She continued to hold his gaze unflinchingly, seemingly unaffected by mention of the regs, which surprised Jack. She had always been so careful to be professional.

"Are you suggesting that we breech them?" he asked.

"As if we haven't already. Isn't all this beyond the meaning of the regs?"

"We've never crossed a particular line."

"But the line is virtually indiscernible, Jack. I hardly know where it is anymore."

"I think we'll know when we've crossed it."

"Is this crossing it?"

She touched her lips to his, a fleeting kiss.

"I think so."

"And this?"

She grasped his head, kissing him properly, and he kissed back. A kiss of passion, love, frustration and longing.

"Definitely." He whispered as they paused for breath, before they got engrossed in each other again.

"So, what about that thing we always feared we would do if we came here together?" she asked unexpectedly.

Jack swallowed hard. She was proposing that they make love? It certainly seemed that way. He tried to keep his heart rate under control but it continued to hammer away unrelentingly.

"Now that's way over the line. Way, way… out there somewhere." He waved his arm in the general direction of "somewhere", sounding brash, but Sam saw right through that act and was similarly nervous

"Yes it is. Is all this scary enough for ya?"

"Overwhelmingly." His tone was more subdued, almost a whisper. Jack's heart beat even faster as he contemplated his future and the fulfilment of a long held dream.

"Not too overwhelming I hope." She said.

"I'll get over it."

"Despite the regs?"

"I don't wanna think about them. We're on vacation."

"They aren't."

"No, they never are. Are you deliberately trying to put me off?"

"You mentioned them first. I'm just trying to be sure we're both sure."

"I'm sure."

"Me too."

"I hope so. You started it. Let's not over think it, huh?"

"No more talk Jack. Can we go back?"

He nodded and they headed back towards the cabin, hands intertwined as if they were joined and stopping for an occasional kiss and hug. Although they felt closer than they had ever been, as they drew nearer to their goal their mutual nervousness increased, along with the sexual tension.

Jack stopped at the cabin door, turning to face Sam, hands lightly grasping her shoulders.

"Are you really sure this is what you want?" he asked, still willing to forgo instant gratification and pleasure for the longer term gain. "If we once start this, I might not be able to stop myself, Sam." He longed for her too much. "We haven't even started this relationship and we're about to make a big commitment. We don't know what the future holds. We might not even like each other in our real lives."

"You talk as if what we did every day was just a fantasy. You think it's possible that we won't like the normal, day to day Jack and Sam? I guess it is, but we know each other pretty well."

"Not like this!"

"I'm scared too, Jack. We've both wanted this for a long time haven't we? I want us to be committed; to be as close as we can be. This is how we show it, how we prove it."

"You want proof?"

"I just want to be as close to you as is humanly possible. The future is the future. If it doesn't work out, I'll never regret this moment."

Jack's heart was soaring. A few short weeks ago she had whispered that she loved him. That was a big thing, one of the biggest. He had never told her he felt the same way, although he had confessed it to Jacob. She was taking a leap of faith and that was fundamentally important to him for reasons he couldn't fathom.

Did she instinctively know how he felt? Or did she want this anyway, no matter what? He continued to refrain from confessing it; still unsure of himself and their future. She was right: whatever happened, he would never regret this moment either.

"I was planning to romance you a little before seducing you, Sam."

"Romance me? Are you a romantic Jack?" She had always believed that Jack had romance in his soul. Sometimes he showed it, but mainly he tried not to. It didn't go with the job description.

"No, yes, sometimes." He shrugged in an O'Neill like way, "I'm not gonna argue with you. I want to get as close as I can to you too."

He grinned, taking her hand and leading her into the cabin, towards the master bedroom where she had been sleeping since their arrival. How many times had he woken at night wanting to go to her? Over the years there had been many such moments and, since they'd arrived a couple of days ago, he'd been fitful and restless, dreaming of her and waking suddenly, his longing frustrated and unfulfilled.

"Okay." He said with a smile. "Let's go see if we can ease some of this tension, shall we?"

The End


	4. Making Conversation

Title: Making Conversation

Author: Su Freund

E-mail: See bio

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: Romance

Content Level: Age 13+ An adult only version of this story is posted on my site at the above address.

Content Warnings: Sexual situations and minor use of mild language

Pairings: Jack & Sam

Season: 8/9

Spoilers: Threads and S8 in general, plus references to S9 spoiler rumours

Summary: Alone at the cabin, Jack and Sam spend some quality time together

Sequel/Series Info: Sequel to Conversation Interrupted

Status: Complete

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2005 Su Freund

Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net

Author's Note: Eternal thanks are due to my wonderful beta reader, Bonnie, for correcting me when I erred and her everlasting patience. On my site, a wonderful book cover illustrates this fic, made by Fulinn28 from a photo manipulation of Jack and Sam by Jodie Marie and can be seen at the above address.

**Making Conversation **

When they entered the bedroom, he stopped and placed his hands on her cheeks, stooping for a kiss. His hands shook as he nuzzled her neck, biting her shoulder and nibbling her earlobe, his breath like a whisper in her ear. Sam shivered with anticipation, and fear, and she could sense his trepidation because she felt it too.

She was so nervous that it was tempting to push him away and run, despite her feelings of love and desire. The urge was difficult to stop but it even harder to pull herself away from him. The feel of him so close, touching her in a way that had always been forbidden to them, made her slightly giddy.

They both felt vulnerable, fearful of expectations and disappointments, or that they might not be able to face each other afterwards. Tentatively, her hand wandered under his shirt, stroking his back.

"Sam, you're shaking."

"So are you."

"I didn't think… I'd be this nervous." He confessed, biting his lip as if he needed to use some kind of gesture to confirm it.

This response surprised Sam. As before, he was exposing his vulnerability in a way she had never anticipated. She expected macho, witty maleness, and she got that too, but also so much more. It gave her a thrill to have him open up to her, even a little, and a confession of weakness was a lot for Jack O'Neill.

He was a deep, unfathomable man and she knew there was a lot more to him than he allowed most people to see. She would catch the occasional glimpse before he hid behind his public façade, and it was part of what made her love him: knowing it was there, wanting to find it and wishing he would expose it to her. She longed to dig deep and get to know and love every part of him, everything that was right, and everything that was wrong. He was allowing himself to start letting go with her, and she craved that.

For his part, Jack hoped that this was the start of a new life, and a second chance at love, a little happiness and maybe a family, if he was very lucky. There was something about this fresh start that encouraged a need to be as open and honest as he dared, and he was beginning to dare. Sam deserved more than the bitter old man he could become, and with her in his life maybe he could choose a different path to the one he'd foreseen for himself.

"It's okay, Jack, because I'm nervous too." More than nervous; scared stiff - but also thrilled. It was an odd and unsettling sensation that she couldn't recall having before.

"I don't want to let you down." He whispered more to himself perhaps than to her.

"I can't believe that will happen." Sam declared with way more confidence in him than she had in herself.

"No pressure then, huh?" His lips turned up in a wisp of a smile.

"Jack, I don't want to let you down either."

"That seems unlikely. I guess we're both jittery. Come, sit."

He led her to the bed, urging her to sit down, and then sat next to her, arm around her shoulder, hand softly caressing her arm.

"We'll take this real slow, okay?" he asked and she nodded assent.

He started with a gentle and loving kiss, tentative at first but deepening as she responded, and his fingertips softly explored her cheeks, neck and arms. Kissing her face with light pecks around her lips, and jawbone, he worked down to her pale, slender neck. He'd always admired that neck from afar, wanting to nestle into it, and he did so now, moving to her shoulders and then back again, all the while enfolding her safely in his arms, or caressing her hair and back.

Meanwhile, her hand rested on the base of his spine, fingers gently moving until, eventually, she ventured to roam under his shirt again, feeling a little more relaxed. Her other hand fondled his hair and scalp, with an occasional foray to his neck. If they had but known it, they had a mutual admiration for each other's necks.

Kissing her mouth again, his tongue gradually delving inside, he fingered the bare skin under her top and she shuddered. When he stopped the kiss Sam pulled back from him and dared to do what he was building slowly towards, boldly removing her t-shirt. She watched his expression, which showed pleasure mixed with surprise.

Removing her bra with skill, he sat admiring her for a while, softly brushing her skin with his fingers, causing her to shiver with delight.

"Beautiful," he uttered, realising his hand was still shaking and wishing he could calm his nerves.

A long held dream was becoming reality after many years of yearning and he should have been prepared for the anxiety that this moment would bring, but wasn't. He wondered whether he would ever stop feeling this way and whether he wanted to. There was something wonderful and erotic about those feelings, as well as fearful.

In the past he had been a confident lover. With Sam it was different and the difference was a mixture of sexual tension and a depth of feeling he was only just beginning to allow himself to feel, touch and taste. It was both scary and glorious. They had spent years building walls between them. Now, the walls were coming down. He just had to take it slowly, brick by brick, and everything would be alright – he fervently hoped.

Sam could feel his trepidation and placed her hand over his, stroking it gently with her fingertips, trying to still his nerves while continuing to tremble with her own. She lifted it to her mouth, kissing his palm, and then his fingers, and rubbed a thumb over his chin, forcing his eyes to meet hers.

Noticing him swallow hard, as if only now realising the enormity of what they were doing, she smiled by way of encouragement. Jack returned the smile with a sexy crooked one so typical of him, his eyes glistening with emotion that she knew he might never express in words.

"We'll be alright, Jack, won't we?" she asked and he nodded.

"We'll be great, Sam." He replied, with more conviction than he felt inside. That he wanted it to be did not make it so.

This was Jack O'Neill. Oh god, this was real! She wanted him so badly but the reality, her fantasy made real, seemed almost surreal. He was such a sexy, sensual man and he wanted her. Wanted her? Why would he want her? She was so ordinary by comparison. She was just plain Sam Carter; scientist and all round geek. Dull, boring - ordinary. Would she live up to his fantasies about her? Would a man of his way more vast experience find her gauche ?

It was clear that he felt nervous too and she wondered if he had similar fears, suspecting that he did. Maybe not exactly the same ones, but definitely something. This thought allowed her to regain some of her earlier courage and she kissed his chest.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this for." He said.

"You and me both, Jack."

"You really are beautiful," he said as he surveyed her with a practised eye.

"So you say," she smiled. "You're not so bad yourself, you know."

"Well if you think so, that's what counts." He was smiling but she could see the hint of a blush.

"You're a very sexy man." His blush deepened. "You don't take compliments very well do you, Jack?"

"Not really."

Nervously, he caressed and kissed her, his courage growing along with hers and they both relaxed with each other, adjusting to their new situation. When they were ready, he made love to her, delighted and thrilled by her reactions, and his own, and filled with a sense of peace and total satisfaction.

"Thank you Sam, that was-was amazing." he declared in a whisper.

"For me too." She agreed, snuggling in as close as she could.

"Was it? I wanted it to be."

"It was the best, Jack."

"You don't have to bullshit me," he genuinely needed that affirmation, but not a white lie.

"No bullshit."

She looked up into his eyes and he believed her. A wave of pleasure and self-satisfaction ran through him. He wanted to be the best for her, everything she had ever dreamed. He wanted to bond her with him forever.

They stayed silent for a long time, enjoying the afterglow of sex, clinging together and stoking each other's backs and necks with tenderness brought on by love and friendship rather than lust. Both were replete with a sense of completeness and fulfilment.

"It feels great to be this close to you at last Jack." Sam said, breaking their self imposed silence. "I always wanted this, and more." She ventured.

"More? What does that mean?"

"That I want us to get even closer."

"Is it possible to feel closer to you than I do right now?" he queried.

"I don't know, you tell me."

She was fondling his hair, looking into his dark brown eyes, trying to fathom his feelings.

"I love you Sam, is that what you want to know?"

"It's a start, and it helps." She fondly kissed his lips. "Do you really love me?"

"You doubt it?"

"You've never said it."

"I have now and I mean it Sam. Never doubt it. You are the most important person in my life, you have to know that." He was surprised that she was so uncertain of him. "From the moment you walked into it, I was turned upside down. That attraction grew into… this over the years… something special."

He stopped, unable to express his intent, and returned her brief gentle kiss, running a finger over her cheek.

"I'm not so good with words, Sam. I hoped our lovemaking would show you how I feel. I just want to make you happy."

"I was so scared you didn't feel the same."

"How does anyone know if they feel the same? I know I love you. I know I'm committed to you. I know I've felt that way for so long that I almost don't recall when I first realised it. And I know that the idea of you marrying someone else, of losing you forever, came close to breaking me. I might not be so good at showing this stuff, but I'm feeling it. I wish I'd told you how I felt a long time ago. I wish I'd been free to."

"Oh Jack!" She exclaimed happily, "I wish you had too. I never wanted to cause you pain. I wish I hadn't…"

"Don't regret it, Sam. You needed someone in your life and it couldn't be me. I wanted it to be, but it wasn't possible."

"And it is now?"

"All that matters is now."

"That doesn't answer my question. You're still my CO. It's no more possible than it was before, but I want it to be. What do we do? I don't want the regs to be hanging over our heads, dragging us down. I want this to work, or have a darned good try at it. "

He propped himself up on one elbow, continuing to caress her face and met her gaze

"I want that too. I need to tell you something." He hesitated, biting his bottom lip with uncertainty, and she raised her eyebrows in query, encouraging him to continue. "I'm leaving the SGC."

"What?" her eyes widened in shock and dismay and he continued to caress her reassuringly.

"I'm being re-assed. Don't look at me like that!" She bore an expression of reproach.

"How long have you known?"

"A little while. I was told not to tell, honest, but I had to tell you Sam. Now this has happened how can I not tell you?

"We do this and then you tell me you're leaving?"

"I won't be your CO anymore. That's a good thing, right?"

"Only from a regs point of view. But it also probably means you're leaving Colorado, Jack, leaving me, and that isn't so good. Does it mean that?" She looked disturbed by her thoughts.

"Yes, but Jeez, Sam, you don't think I'd do this – start this - if I didn't intend to continue it, do you? This isn't just a passing affair, or not for me."

"Nor me. So tell me." She demanded.

"Hammond's had enough. He's retiring at last and I'm replacing him as Head of Homeland Security."

"Oh!"

"It's a good career move but maybe not so good for us. I'll be in Washington a lot."

"Oh!"

"Aren't you going to say something else?"

"I don't know what to say."

"I guess it resolves a lot, but also adds a few problems."

"It adds a lot of problems, Jack, and not just for us. What about the SGC? What about Daniel and Teal'c? What about me?"

"Come with me."

"What?" she was stunned.

"We could arrange an assignment for you in Washington. It doesn't have to be permanent."

"Leave the SGC?"

He wondered what she was thinking, whether she was prepared to do that for them, or whether she considered the SGC more important. His own fears started to surface. She said she loved him, but was it enough? Her career was all important to her, and that meant it was important to him too.

"If you don't want to do that, we'll manage. I'll come back to the Springs as often as I can, and you can come visit me in Washington. It won't be forever."

"Are you suggesting I live with you in Washington?" she had to be sure of exactly what he was proposing.

"Yes, but only if that's what you want. I'm not about to do anything to screw with your career, Sam. I don't have to take up the posting. I could retire. Maybe it's time."

"God, my career's important Jack, but I would give it all up to be with you." She confessed.

Sam knew it sounded trite and ridiculous. Where was Sam Carter the strong, determined career woman? But she realised she meant it and it was almost as much of a surprise to her as it was to him. Jack felt a wave of relief wash through him, all doubts about them gone in an instant.

"I love you for who and what you are." He responded, softly stroking her cheek and smiling.

Sam felt her own wave of relief and, despite her thoughts about giving it all up for him, she wondered how she would have reacted if he had said that's what he wanted. She would never have anticipated him wanting that. Jack was no Pete Shannahan, who she suspected would have welcomed such a move on her part, if not openly encouraged it. Jack respected her for being her own woman, for what she did and the person she was.

"I'm not asking you to do that and I never would," Jack continued. "Nor do want you to. I guess it's good to know that you would though."

He lay down beside her again, enfolding her in his arms and squeezing her gently.

"You can't retire." She said.

"Wanna bet? Sam, I love you and that's become the most important thing in my life now. I've given everything to the damned Air Force, to my country, my planet - dammit, the whole freakin' universe! I've already sacrificed too much and it's time I got something for myself, something good. You're something good. A whole lot more than good. You're what I want more than all of the rest."

"Jack O'Neill, your country still needs you!" She declared forcefully. "I don't think either of us should rush to give up the other things that we love. What if we don't work? What if in 6 months time, a year, or whenever, we decide that we aren't enough?"

"You think I would regret having tried? I won't."

"You might."

"You're worth the risk. Let's not start this thing by imagining ways we could break up, okay? There are no certainties in life, Sam, no safe bets."

Those last words startled her, echoing as they did her thoughts months ago about Jack being her safe bet; the excuse that was stopping her getting on with life outside of the SGC. Turns out he was no excuse, but a very good reason.

"I'll come to Washington with you Jack, if we can manage it."

"You will?" he was thrilled. "We can get you a temporary assignment. You can go back to the SGC whenever you want to, or if you're needed. You don't have to give that up."

The prospect of living with Jack in Washington, or anywhere, was both terrifying and exhilarating.

"Okay, we'll work it out." She said, her calm demeanour belying her inner turmoil.

"We could get married." He blurted.

Immediately he regretted those words, not because it wasn't what he wanted, it was and he was certain of it, but fearful that it was too soon, too much too quickly, and that Sam would find the concept overwhelming right now, or even worse, ridiculous. 'Should have waited, Jack,' he thought.

Had he spoiled their special moment, he wondered? She'd only just broken off one engagement and he was asking her to leap into another. 'Fool, Jack!' he berated himself.

"But we don't have to. Whatever you want Sam." He added with haste, heart pattering madly while he waited for a reaction.

"Married?" She responded.

'In for a penny. Can't deny you said it now, Jack, it's too late," he thought.

"It's probably not such a great prospect, and it certainly isn't a romantic way of askin', but one day, maybe? Tomorrow, next year, whenever it feels right for you, if it ever does."

"Married?" She repeated, still stunned by the notion.

"Forget I mentioned it," he said hastily, self-doubt overwhelming him. "Just come to Washington. That's more than enough. We can play it by ear." He hoped his words hadn't put her off the original plan.

"Forget you mentioned it? You propose to a woman and then ask her to forget you mentioned it? Jack, it's not the sort of proposition a woman forgets easily."

"Forget I ever said it. Please Sam. I know it's way too soon and I should never have said it." He was filled with foreboding, thinking he'd totally screwed it all up. 'Jeez Jack you couldn't just keep your mouth shut and leave it alone.'

Sam picked up on his misgivings and knew they were not his own but what he believed were hers. He still did not understand her depth of feeling for him and this should not have surprised her. Jack could be brash, seemingly cocky and over confident, but she knew him better. Inside, he was self-effacing, modest and, in some ways, not entirely confident of himself, despite all outward appearances.

Only when you got to know him better did this become obvious. They had known each other for so long and been through too much together for it to have escaped Sam's attention, however much he might have tried to hide it.

"You think I haven't fantasised about becoming Mrs O'Neill one day, Jack?" She asked and he looked at her with astonishment. "Believe me, I have. Way too many times than is good for me. Even when I was planning the wedding with Pete I was thinking it should be you." That shocked but pleased him.

"Poor Pete," Jack said, "he never stood a chance. I wish I'd known. All that jealously, pain and frustration. I wish we'd both been more courageous."

"Me too."

She kissed him and then pushed him back, extricating herself from his embrace, and moving to sit astride his thighs.

"One day I want to be Mrs O'Neill, Jack, and fulfil that fantasy, but it probably is too soon. Let's try that living together in Washington thing first, huh?"

He nodded and smiled, stroking her thighs, relief flooding through him once again. It seemed he hadn't spoiled it after all. Sam leaned down to kiss him, her breasts brushing against his chest and making him shiver. Slowly, she proceeded to seduce him, taking control and exploring him as she had wanted to earlier.

They spent most of the day in bed, wanting to maintain that feeling of mental and physical proximity. Jack got up to get food and drink, bringing it back to bed with him, and they fed each other seductively, which turned into a silly food fight, followed by more lovemaking.

Later, they bathed together, deciding they really should get up and dressed for dinner, even if the boys hadn't returned. Jack still suspected that they would not see their friends again until the following afternoon and blessed them for their thoughtfulness. They didn't hear from them but didn't worry. Getting a decent cell phone signal could be tricky around these parts, and they didn't know where Daniel and Teal'c had ended up going.

When they finally realised for sure that their old team-mates would not return, it left them free to sleep in the same bed for the first time, something they both wanted more than they had even imagined. If Daniel and Teal'c had returned they might have felt restrained, but they didn't.

Maybe by the next evening they would be happy to confess to their friends and acknowledge their relationship openly, it would become obvious to them quickly enough, but for now they were happy that they did not have to. It was good to be alone and free to do as they pleased.

They did not want to part, constantly feeling the urge to touch each other lovingly, demonstrating their newfound love, and certainly they wanted to spend as many nights together as they could. This was nothing to do with sex and everything to do with love, and their long years of being unable to be demonstrative, or be together.

This first ever night was one they would never forget. They were too tired to make love, and didn't want to. What they wanted was to sleep peacefully in each other's arms, contemplating and dreaming about a future together, and this is exactly what they did. Tomorrow, they'd go fishing.

The End


	5. The Art of Conversation

Title: The Art of Conversation

Author: Su Freund

E-mail: See bio

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: Romance

Content Level: Age 13+

Content Warnings: Minor use of mild language and references to sex

Pairings: Jack & Sam

Season: 8/9

Spoilers: Solitudes, Frozen, Lost City, Rising Part 1 (Stargate Atlantis), Threads and S8 in general, plus references to S9 spoiler rumours

Summary: With Sam about to return after a long absence, Jack has big plans for her homecoming

Sequel/Series Info: Sequel to Making Conversation

Status: Series

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2005 Su Freund

Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net

Author's Note: Thanks to those people who fed back on Conversation Interrupted and Making Conversation, inspiring some thoughts for this story. Also huge thanks to Bonnie, my wonderful beta reader, whose contributions are always so crucial to my fic writing. Plus thanks to Fulinn28 for making the book cover from a cap of Jack and Sam, which can be found on my site at the address above.

**The Art of Conversation**

Jack was fitful, restlessly tossing and turning in his bed and waking in a sweat. He reached over for Sam, but the bed was empty.

"Crap!" he swore aloud, lying back in their bed and sighing heavily, scrubbing his hands through his hair, the sweat from his nightmare dampening his fingers.

When she'd moved into his apartment in Washington, one of his biggest fears was the nightmares. Most of the time he could fight and control them, even while asleep, so they would be non-existent. Sometimes, rarely, he couldn't stop them. They'd invade his psyche and take him over, torturing his mind with images he would rather forget, and they could be bad. Very bad. Hell on earth. Payback for all he had done, lived through and witnessed.

He would scream, break out in a cold sweat, and lash out at nothing, or maybe at himself. He would fight to pull back from the brink of what seemed to be so real, try to reason with himself that they were nightmares, making himself wake, occasionally in tears of pain, confusion and loss. And it would take a long time for him to regain equilibrium. He rarely slept again afterwards. The nightmares would live on in his waking dreams until he won his battle once again. It seemed the battle could be won, but never the war. He knew it was hard to ask anyone to live with that.

Jack realised he probably should have told her about them before she moved in, but how could he do that? What was he supposed to say?

"Sam, there's been all this bad stuff that's happened over the years and sometimes I have nightmares, flashbacks, and sometimes I wake up screaming."

It didn't seem the right kind of thing to say to a woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with but, nevertheless, he should have told her. The first time he had screamed in his sleep, waking up with the shakes and cold sweats, Sam had braved his wrath, his temporary madness, warding off his unintentional, but real, physical attack and taken him in her arms, pulling him close and giving him succour.

She whispered in his ear that everything would be all right, rocking him gently, crying along with him, and it had seemed that it was all right, until the next time. It didn't happen often, only twice since they'd been together, and both times she had been there, telling him she loved him and reassuring him.

He hated exposing that side of himself to anyone, even Sam, and maybe especially her; hated the feeling of vulnerability and fallibility that the situation created; hated appearing weak and defenceless. He wanted to be strong for her and feared that his lack of strength would tear them apart, that she would lose her respect for him and see something inside him that she could no longer love.

Despite this fear, this time when he was alone, Jack wished he wasn't. He was getting used to her being around and his reliance on their relationship scared him, but also filled him with joy. It was a contradiction that he would have to learn to live with and he hoped he could because, for him, their relationship was forever.

When he'd woken up screaming the second time around, he had started to open up to her and that was something very special. He didn't do that often and was startled, but pleased, to discover that he could with her a little, and even wanted to.

That night, he talked to her about some of the bad stuff inside of him, and some of its causes, opening a chink into the soul of Jack O'Neill and his darkness and demons. It seemed to bring them closer, not tear them apart as he had feared, and he was forever grateful for that. Sam was in a position to understand more than many women ever would, and it seemed that she wanted to understand and wanted to know more, see more, see everything.

Everything might be asking too much, Jack thought, but a little? Maybe that would be okay. With those things that were so personal, horrific and deeply buried, small steps were giant leaps for Jack. Sometimes he wondered whether he would lose her if he didn't open up, or lose her if he did, and felt caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. Most of the time, however, he tried to forget all that, live his life with her, and be happier than he had been for many years.

She'd been gone for a few weeks and he missed her very much. They'd talked briefly on the phone a couple of times, but Jack was a little uncomfortable about that form of communication with Sam. Words were not his big thing and he mainly communicated his feelings in other ways, by touch, a smile, a gesture, an expression, or even just a look in his eyes; something simple but extremely effective. He missed the proximity that allowed him to do that, and he missed her doing the same with him. With them, silence often spoke louder than any number of words.

Jack hadn't realised how hard it would be when she wasn't around, but he was stuck in Washington while she was in Colorado because they needed her at the SGC. It made him wonder what he would do if she decided to go back permanently. He knew she missed it; so did he.

This was by no means the first time they'd been apart. Both travelled for their work. Sometimes Jack went to Antarctica, the SGC or Nellis, even the alpha site. Sam was a regular visitor to Nellis, as part of the special project she was working on. Neither was gone for more than a couple of days or so at any one time. This, however, was their longest separation by far. A few weeks. It seemed such a very long time: a lifetime.

Her work in Washington was linked to alien technologies, of course. Jack figured, why have an expert in that kind of stuff and waste their talents on something ordinary? Sam was a genius: smart and beautiful. What a combination! Her assignment was expected to last about a year. It gave them some time but they didn't know what would happen after that and six months had gone already. It had whizzed by all too quickly and Jack knew that the next six months would probably feel like tomorrow. Too short, too soon.

Before long they might have to make a choice – or he might have to make a choice. He imagined telling The President that he was retiring because he couldn't bear to be so distanced from the woman he loved. Hayes would probably laugh, clap him on the back and tell him not to be so stupid, that other things were more important. The President was a difficult man to say no to.

Looking at the time, he wondered whether to get up or try going back to sleep, but suspected that staying in bed was going to be a waste of time; it normally was after a nightmare. Sleep was unlikely to look kindly on him now. So he rose and made coffee, thinking about Sam and their future, and hoping that they had one.

She was due back later and he had plans for this evening – big plans. Dinner, candlelight, maybe some dancing; a romantic gesture to tell her he loved her without the words, although he planned to use the words too. He was taking the day off to prepare for it. The first thing was shopping, and he considered hitting a 24/7 to get it out of the way.

The last 6 months had been pretty special to Jack. She had been there to help pick an apartment but, when he moved, she could only get away for a few days to help him settle in. Her attachment didn't start until 5 weeks after he left. It had been a long 5 weeks, with Jack getting back to Colorado as often as he could, which was once, and Sam never quite managing to make it to Washington.

The great part of his new job was that, theoretically, he had an excuse to visit the SGC anytime he liked. The downside was that it mostly wasn't practical to do so. Now he had a whole hell of a lot more to do than keep an eye on the SGC. He was head of Home World Security, for crying out loud, and the Stargate was only part of the whole picture. There was Antarctica for starters, a nightmare of gigantic proportions in its own right.

Jack wasn't sure why he'd agreed to do this job – he hated Antarctica. He swore the place was a living entity that was out to get him. Each previous visit had resulted in a near death experience.

He'd been stuck there with Sam, which might have been nice if he hadn't been badly injured and dying at the time. A crazy alien virus he'd caught there had damned near killed him, forcing him to become a Tok'ra host, something he never wanted and something that Sam had persuaded him into against his better judgement. He didn't even want to think about the result of that debacle; the number of times he was tortured, died and brought back to a living hell all over again, seemingly without hope of a final end.

The ancient download that helped him to save Earth from Anubis would have killed him for sure if he hadn't gone into suspended animation in Antarctica for a long spell. He had been pretty positive he wouldn't make it that time either. Last, but not least, he'd nearly been blown out of the skies by an Ancient drone - and someone who was supposed to be on his side had caused that incident!

Sometimes Jack thought life just liked throwing him a curve ball. It had something personal against Jack O'Neill. All in all, Antarctica had been pretty bad news so he was pleasantly surprised when his first visit to the place in his new role turned out to be totally benign. He even managed to enjoy himself.

When Sam finally arrived in Washington, deliberately coming early and thwarting his plans to meet her at the airport, she appeared as a vision of loveliness at their door, and his heart leapt with joy. He picked her up and swung her around in his arms, and then pulled her towards him and held her close for 5 minutes before he even uttered a word.

"Welcome to Washington, Sam, or should I say back to Washington?" Were the first words he uttered and then he planted a huge kiss on her lips.

"The apartment's looking good Jack," she said, looking around.

"I cleaned up a little in honor of your arrival."

Both Jack and Sam were anxious about their future together. They had gone from CO and subordinate, and friends, to lovers and now this, in such a short space of time. It was only a couple of months or so since they'd first got together in Minnesota. Was all of this happening too quickly? They both feared that it was, but also wanted to try this life together. They'd already wasted enough time.

"It's good to be here." She declared, somewhat of an understatement.

She couldn't believe how much she had missed Jack, or how much she wanted to be with him. Now the relationship had finally started she wanted to give it the best shot she could but feared that the odds were against them. There was so much past to overcome, for both of them, both the shared and non-shared kind. They each had their own baggage and she hoped the load would not become too burdensome.

Jack stared at her, drinking her in, and held out his hand to brush her cheek.

"I'm so happy you're here Sam. I've missed you," he confessed, at last.

"Me too," she stepped forward to give him another hug.

"So this is it, huh?" he said.

"Yes, this is it," she smiled weakly.

"Scared?"

"Yes," her voice was a whisper.

"Me too."

They were both used to living alone, their own habits and foibles. Now they had to get used to sharing and compromise. It could be tough and neither knew quite what to expect.

Jack reflected that it all seemed to have gone pretty well so far. They'd had their moments - their arguments, the times they got in each other's way, the times they wanted their own space - but these things would inevitably happen and they found ways to overcome them and move on.

They promised each other that they would never part with bad words hanging between them and, to date, they had kept that promise, although he couldn't imagine that the time wouldn't come when it happened, and he dreaded that moment. They could both be too proud and too stubborn and it took a lot to swallow that to kiss and make up, but it was worth it. How long before it didn't seem worth it?

They settled into routines, the mundane and everyday things, and found they quite liked sharing and could compromise, despite the differences between them. But they also had a lot of fun, either going out or staying in.

They got invited to many parties and receptions, some of which they felt obliged to attend and often enjoyed despite their natural inclinations to dislike such gatherings. Jack took Sam out on large numbers of dates, trying to make up for lost time. They wined, dined and danced and sometimes spent weekends out of Washington, exploring just as they might have explored Colorado outside of the Springs, given that opportunity.

Their sex life was extremely active as well as enormously enjoyable and satisfactory. They tried not to take themselves too seriously and it was fun. They had travelled a huge distance since those nervous, tentative first steps in Minnesota, wanting, pleasing and satisfying each other in a way that surprised them both.

Jack figured that the sexual tension which had built up over the years, the dreams and desires, had set them up for a hard fall. They would be disappointed; they would never live up to the fantasy. He was wrong. They fit together and that was pretty great.

Most important of all was that they spent lots of time together. This was the fundamental thing that they needed and wished for. Much of the time they were happy to be in each other's company and, although there were a lot of silences between them, they were rarely uncomfortable ones. Instead they were filled with contentment and affection. The silence did not mean that they did not communicate, only that they communicated with something other than words.

Over the years they had made an art of wordless communications, and now they were mastering a whole new language: silent conversations that spoke of love and companionship.

They were in love, enjoyed each other and, each day they were together, would learn something new about the other, however small and trivial it might be. The small and trivial are important when you live together, often disproportionately so, and can make or break a relationship. At the moment he believed they weighed up on the side of making it and Jack found that extremely gratifying.

He so much wanted them to make it, but they'd only been living together for 6 months, and circumstances had forced them to rush into that so quickly after their relationship had started; perhaps too quickly. He wanted to believe it could continue forever as thrillingly and happily as it had been up to now. That was what he yearned for more than anything.

Sam tried to relax and let the plane take the strain but she was still keyed up from her weeks back at the SGC. Until she went back she hadn't appreciated quite how much she was really missing it. Living with Jack was great. She loved him, and the time they spent together was precious to her after their years apart, but her work at the Pentagon was somewhat less fulfilling.

Sighing, she closed her eyes again. 'Think good thoughts,' she told herself. Drifting off into a daydream, she thought about Minnesota. It seemed so long ago and a lot had changed. She told Jack that she would give everything up for him and, in many ways, she had, but it felt wrong. She hated that it should, but it did.

She needed to talk to Jack about it sometime, she knew that, but it never seemed to be the right time or the right thing to do. Heads you lose, tails you lose. What were they going to do when her assignment was finished? They would find her something else in Washington if she wanted it, but part of her heart still yearned for the SGC and the rest was with Jack in Washington. Did one of them have to lose everything, and was she truly prepared to make that sacrifice? Or was he?

In Minnesota she had been caught up in the moment, and then in many moments in the weeks and months that followed, and had tried not to over think it. This was exactly what they had been avoiding for all of those years. Yes, there were the regs, but there were their careers, their work: the SGC and fighting the big bad alien guy. Jack was still doing that, although he would prefer to be 'out there' with a P90 in his hands. There was no going back to that anymore, Generals don't normally do that kind of thing, but at least he still played his part in the fight, and a big one.

What about her? They had sacrificed their love for years but now Sam was afraid that sacrificing the work would kill that love. What an irony it would be. Ho, ho ho…

Minnesota… it was so good to be with him, in his arms, safe, secure and loved. Their lovemaking had been wonderful but even better was the intimacy, and the magic. They connected; it was that simple. Now it seemed more complicated. They were into the everyday living together stuff. That was a lot tougher, although she loved him and loved being with him. She was her own woman, wasn't she? Yet she was committed to Jack; absolutely committed. And the magic was still there, but one can't live on magic alone.

That first night they spent together at the cabin had been special and the magic seemed like a dream. She recalled thinking, 'this is Jack O'Neill. These are his arms around my body, caressing me, and loving me, that's his breath in my face,' like a lovesick schoolgirl, or perhaps just a lovesick woman. Next morning they had done everything together: made love, showered, breakfasted, and relaxed; touched, breathed, seen, talked and been silent.

Then Daniel and Teal'c had returned in the late afternoon. They heard the SUV and separated, sitting further apart and acting like they were only friends. Why had they done that? They felt awkward, and nervous. The archaeologist and the Jaffa were their friends, so they couldn't fathom why, or how each had acted unprompted by the other. Sam smiled at the memory.

"Tut, tut! What time do you call this, kids?" Jack said tapping his watch. Daniel greeted the words with a slightly nervous smile.

"Sorry we didn't get in touch. Hope you weren't worried. You know this place and phones."

"Luckily, Daniel, you had a grown up with you, so I knew you were in capable hands." Jack joked and Daniel rolled his eyes. "What happened?"

Daniel was overly effusive, explaining they'd broken down, spending the night in a Motel. Then, as if not wishing to be cross-examined on that subject, which he didn't, went on to describe where they'd been and what they'd seen with energetic enthusiasm.

'He never did lie very well,' thought Jack, considering asking him about the breakdown in minute detail so he could watch him stammer and redden. Sometimes he enjoyed making Daniel squirm, considering it a worthy aim in life. He suppressed a laugh. What the hey? He was in way too good a mood to provoke Daniel into a sulk.

"So, what have you guys been up to?" Daniel asked when he ran out of steam.

Sam felt the blood rush to her face in a blush and her eyes met Jack's for the first time since their friends had arrived. He forced himself to look at Daniel, his own cheeks turning a tinge of pink. It pissed him off that he was embarrassed about something he'd enjoyed and shared with Sam.

"Oh, this and that… you know." He said, avoiding any direct answer.

"Not really." Daniel's demeanour said that he expected more.

"Yeah, well…" Jack shrugged and looked at Sam again.

She smiled encouragingly, nodding to his unspoken question, while Daniel waited somewhat impatiently, wondering if the pair had finally got their act together or not. He guessed yes, but was eager for confirmation.

"We… erm… we…"

Jack didn't know what to say so moved closer to Sam and took her hand, putting an arm around her shoulder and pulling her towards him. Daniel and Teal'c looked at them blankly and Sam nearly laughed aloud. Jack was being pretty obvious but their two friends had apparently planned to play obtuse. It was probably Daniel's idea of a joke, with Teal'c reluctantly persuaded to play along on the grounds that Daniel would never shut up if he didn't.

"Aw, crap!" Jack exclaimed, "Sam…?" She looked at him askance; he was passing the buck.

"Is that what you call delegation, General?" She lifted a hand and smoothed it through his grey hair.

"Um… I-I… aw, hell!"

Jack kissed her. He always had been one for action over words. When they looked up at their friends, Daniel's face was split into a wide grin and Teal'c wore much more than a mere ghost of a smile.

"So you guys are alright with this?" Jack asked.

"We've been rooting for you, haven't we Teal'c?" Daniel responded, "just leave us out of it when you tell Hammond."

Jack and Sam looked at him sharply.

"Daniel!" they both exclaimed.

"Sorry! I promised myself I wouldn't mention that." Daniel reddened. He didn't want to spoil their time together.

"We'll deal with it, guys, I promise. So let's not go there. Not here, huh?" Jack said.

That was it. The matter was never discussed between the four of them again on that vacation and the couple's relationship was more or less taken for granted. Jack and Sam behaved like a couple in front of their friends, touching, holding hands, the odd kiss and cuddle. Jack would run his hand through her hair or his fingers along her arm. Sam would smile softly at Jack, stroking his cheek gently or resting her head on his shoulder while Jack's arm was draped around her, holding her close. They were at peace and it warmed Daniel's heart. Teal'c also appeared to be pleased.

Although close, Jack and Sam went out of their way to ensure that their two friends did not feel excluded or uncomfortable. They knew what it was like to feel like a ham sandwich at a Bar Mitzvah. This vacation was intended for all four of them to relax in each other's company: to lick old wounds, celebrate their friendship, and their recent victory over the Goa'uld and Replicators. They had come too close to losing everything, including each other, and shared a need to be together. So, although visibly intimate, the new couple's true passion was kept firmly behind closed doors. There was plenty of time for that.

When they got back to Colorado, Jack told Sam a small and semi-embarrassing, though amusing, story about a short exchange between him and Daniel when they were alone.

"So Jack," said Daniel, "you know the answer."

"To what?"

"To one of the biggest questions in SGC land. You know, all you overly hormonally charged military types…"

"Daniel, get to it will ya?"

The younger man peered around to ensure no one else was close-by and spoke in a low voice.

"You know, the question on everyone's lips. There's a book on this one, Jack."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Is Sam a natural blonde?"

Jack's eyes widened in realisation. It had all started with Ferretti in the very early days at the SGC, before they first went to Chulak and things fell to pieces for both of his old friends. Ferretti and Kawalski were totally incorrigible and Jack had to confess that he hadn't tried particularly hard, if at all, to stop them and was now slightly ashamed of that. Then again, there are always people like Ferretti and Kawalski to carry on the age-old tradition of mockery, and Jack was far from beyond having a joke at someone else's expense. Women in the armed forces were fair game, to a degree, as were geeks.

Ferretti had been the first to ask whether the guys thought she was a natural blonde, and started taking bets. Jack thought it was a poor bet because, with only two options, you had to share the pot with too many other people, but he bet anyway.

It was Kawalski who had raised the stakes when he maintained that there was only one piece of acceptable conclusive evidence - the color of her public hair. That meant that one of them had to see it. Kawalski figured that if one of them saw her privates for themselves they probably deserved to get the jackpot, assuming they were right about her natural hair color. No one had ever managed to do that, until now.

"Daniel! I'm not even gonna dignify that with an answer. I'm surprised at you!"

"Aw Jack…"

"Absolutely no way, amigo. I am so not going there." He noticed Daniel was about to open his mouth, so pre-empted him. "I have waay too much respect for Sam, Daniel, and so should you." Daniel blushed, feeling a little ashamed.

"Didn't stop you placing a bet."

"Yeah, well things have changed a lot since then, or hadn't you noticed?" he smiled and clapped Daniel on the back, "Tell you something, though, screw the bet; I won the jackpot big style." The smile turned into a grin and Daniel chuckled.

"You sure did. I'm happy for you Jack."

"Thanks, pal. I'm happy for me too. Couldn't be much happier, as a matter of fact."

When he told her the story, Sam didn't know whether to feel insulted or flattered and finally opted for the latter. A few years ago she would have chosen the first option, but she had changed and was a lot less uptight now. Since Minnesota things had changed even more.

That evening of her return to Washington, Sam opened the apartment door and a wonderful aroma hit her nose. She sniffed at it with her mouth watering.

"Honey, I'm home!" she called to alert Jack she was there, but he obviously knew because he stood framed in the doorway of their living room, smiling and wearing a tux. A tux? Sam did a double take.

"Hoping I'll rip that off you General O'Neill?" She said with a lascivious grin as Jack wrapped his arms around her in greeting.

"Mmm… maybe later. Dinner first. I've cooked."

"You have? It smells great. Do I have time to unwind, take a shower?"

"Yeah. Come in and sit down Sam." He left her luggage in the hallway and led her into the living room, urging her to sit. "Wanna drink?"

He fixed them both drinks and sat beside her, taking her hand and stroking it gently.

"So, what's the tux in honor of Jack?"

"Dinner with you. I just wanted to make it a bit special to welcome you home."

"Cute! So should I shower and change into something more glamorous?"

"If you want to. You look great in anything Sam." She smiled to acknowledge the compliment and determined to change and make herself look special. If he could do it for her, she could do it for him. "How was it at the SGC?" he asked.

"Same old, same old. One thing after another. And we thought it might calm down after we defeated the Goa'uld. Some hope of that! General Landry seems to be doing okay. He was a good choice to replace you Jack."

"I hoped he would be."

"You're a hard act to follow."

"Wow! Was that a compliment about my generalling abilities?"

"Yes. You were a great CO Jack, the best; General or Colonel."

He blushed, which made Sam smile. Jack still found it hard to take a compliment even though she threw them at him frequently, but she knew they made him feel good despite his natural modesty.

"Thanks." He said quietly, kissing her hair. "How about Daniel and Teal'c? They okay?"

"They're great considering everything that's been going on lately! I miss them, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"How's it been here?"

"Busy. Fine. Lots of paperwork, meetings, yadda." He gestured to indicate the addition of another couple of yaddas, rolling his eyes.

"You miss the SGC, don't you?"

"Yeah. You know me. I never was a big fan of Washington, but I'll hack it, for now. You're here and that helps."

"But we don't know how long…" She started to say but he stopped her words with a kiss.

"Don't suck the fun out of it tonight, Sam. Let's just pretend, okay?"

"Pretend? Pretend what?"

"Just pretend like there's nothing but us."

She looked at him long and hard, remembering her thoughts on the plane and wondering what was on his mind. About to say something, she decided against it, smiling instead and kissing his lips.

"Okay. What's for dinner?" She was trying to identify it.

"Surprise. You aren't allowed into the kitchen. Not yet."

"You've got a deal as long as you stay out of the bedroom while I get ready."

"Can I keep my hands off you for that long?" he joked.

"Later on you can have all the hands on experience you want Jack."

"I'll look forward to that." He nibbled her ear and she batted him off playfully.

"And I'll look forward to my surprise dinner. I'm gonna go get showered and changed. No peeking."

While Sam was gone, Jack finished off the meal. Everything else was ready, had been for hours, but the final touches needed attention. He had spent the day shopping, preparing food, and getting the kitchen to look perfect.

One of the reasons they chose this apartment was because, although it was way smaller than either of them were used to in Colorado, there was a large kitchen that allowed them to have a small dining table and chairs. All the rooms were large, there just weren't that many of them.

When he'd finished, Jack put on some music and sat in their living room drinking a scotch while waiting. When she walked in, his jaw dropped. She'd put on make-up, done something with her hair and was wearing an evening dress that he'd never seen before. Put simply, she looked stunning. He stood to greet her and couldn't pull his eyes away.

"Breathtaking…" He muttered softly, a small smile on his lips and eyes twinkling in appreciation.

The dress shimmered in the light, dancing as she moved. The fabric was pale blue with a sheen, and the dress was short with thin straps. Her legs looked long and lean in a short dress, and were further enhanced by a pair of high-heeled blue sandals, which toned perfectly with the dress. She sashayed towards him, a sultry smile on her face, and placed a finger under his jaw.

"You'll catch flies, Jack," she joked, closing his mouth and then kissing him on it. She smelled delicious.

"T-the dress is… wow!"

"I was saving it for a special occasion. This is special, isn't it? I've been away for weeks and I've missed you."

"Give it another few months and you'll be desperate to get away from me for a few weeks." He teased, but she knew that underneath that tease were some real fears that lay in Jack's heart.

"I very much doubt that Jack O'Neill."

"What did I do to deserve you?" he said with a huge grin.

"Back at ya," she grinned back.

"You ready to eat?"

"You bet! Lead me to it."

It was her jaw that dropped when he led her into the kitchen. There were lighted candles everywhere, a lot like Teal'c's room at the SGC, and in the middle of the dining table sat a small bunch of flowers. The table looked perfect, covered with a real cloth and proper place settings. Jack was thrilled by the look of delight on her face, sat her at the table and poured some wine.

"Mozzarella and tomato salad?" Her grin broadened. She loved that. Jack had even strewn it with fresh basil. "Jack it looks fantastic!"

"Yeah well, you have to taste it yet."

"I don't just mean the salad."

"I know it isn't exactly The Ritz but I think it looks kinda cool."

"It looks great. Thank you Jack. It's so sweet. It's wonderful." She grasped his hand and squeezed and then they started to eat.

The main course turned out to be lasagne, another of Sam's favourites, followed by tiramisu, which Jack shame-facedly confessed had not been made by him but was home made at a delicatessen across town. It all tasted delicious. He'd gone to a lot of trouble. Jack wasn't a man who liked to spend too much time in the kitchen.

"I didn't know you had hidden culinary skills." She said

"I like to pretend that all I can make is broiled steaks or my special omelette, but actually I do have other talents. Generally I don't use 'em. It takes all day and I use every pan and utensil in the kitchen."

"Not much evidence of that." She said, peering round the almost spotless kitchen.

"Just don't look in the dishwasher or open any of the cupboards." He grinned cheekily and she laughed.

"You hid the mess?"

"I'll clear it up tomorrow. Honest. Scouts honor."

She laughed even louder at the expression on his face. It was a pure Jack O'Neill look of innocence, as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

"Hey, it's meant to be romantic!" he protested.

"It is, Jack, it is." She managed with a snort of amusement, which made him laugh too.

When they'd recovered from their mirth, he took her hand, kissing her knuckles.

"Wanna finish off the evening with some dancing?" he asked with a lopsided grin.

"There's an offer I can't refuse."

Jack led her back into the living room, putting on some slow dance music and taking her in his arms. They swayed, rather than danced, around the room, saying little but holding each other close.

"It's good to have you back, Sam." He whispered.

"It's good to be back."

He seemed a little jittery and she couldn't understand why.

"Is something wrong?" She asked.

"No. Everything's fine."

"Yeah? I never know quite how you interpret the word fine, Jack."

"Fine means fine doesn't it?"

"Not always when you say it."

"You'll just have to take my word for it."

"Uh, huh? Okay, for now."

Jack wondered what had tipped her to his anxiety. Was he so transparent to her nowadays? And if he was, was it a good or a bad thing? 'Have courage,' he thought, 'get this show on the road and get it over with.'

"Sam, sit down for a minute will you?" he said, steering her to the couch.

The next thing she knew he was on one knee in front of her. 'Oh my God,' she thought, 'he's going to propose!'

Her heart hammered rapidly as she waited in anticipation. She had doubts, yes, but not about Jack. She loved him and wanted to be with him. She was committed and had been since they first made love at his cabin, and probably before that, if she wanted to admit it. So Sam pushed her doubts about Washington and the SGC to one side, believing they would sort all that out sometime, just not now. Jack took her hand again and kissed it.

"I guess it's obvious what I'm going to say, Sam," he started, taking a deep breath, "I love you very much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

He was worried it sounded too contrived and thought, 'face it, O'Neill, it is contrived.' All day he'd been debating with himself about how to pop the question; what words he should use, whether he should ask her over dinner or get down on one knee and look like a jerk or, maybe, whisper softly in her ear as they danced, or even make love to her and ask as they spooned together afterwards. Actually he'd been thinking about it for a few days.

When he proposed to Sara it hadn't been at all romantic, rather very pragmatic. He seized a moment with no planning or thought and it had simply slipped out almost unbidden. A simple 'marry me' might have sufficed on this occasion too, however, after blurting it out in Minnesota all those months ago, he was determined that it should be done properly this time. He just hoped Sam would not think he sounded and looked like the jerk he imagined.

This wasn't really very Jack O'Neill, the blurting thing was much more his usual style, but it didn't hurt to surprise her and catch her off guard. He had to do something to keep her on her toes and stop her getting bored with him. And maybe she'd even say yes. He sincerely hoped so, otherwise he was going to feel even more ill at ease and inept than he felt now, not to mention deeply hurt. If she said no…? It wasn't an option he wanted to examine too closely and he'd been trying to suppress that fear all day - actually, for days.

Blushing deeply with hands shaking from nerves, he withdrew a small black box from his pocket, opening it and showing her a beautiful engagement ring. She looked into his eyes, caressing his face, heart still aflutter.

"It's me who would be honored Jack. Yes, I'll marry you." She replied and his face lit up with a gigantic smile.

"You will?"

"Yes, I will."

Noticing a look of relief flitter across his face, she realised how unsure of her response he'd been. Didn't he realise how much she loved him? The relief rapidly turned to pure joy, and he looked so handsome it made her heart flutter. Hands still trembling, he placed the ring on her finger.

"It fits!" he declared excitedly and then kissed her. "I hope you like it."

"It's a beautiful ring Jack. Perfect."

The ring was a cluster of diamonds around a sapphire. It went so well with her dress that the two could have been bought together.

"I love you Jack," she declared, bending to kiss him and run her fingers through his hair. "Come sit beside me," she patted the space next to her on the couch.

"I guess I'd should get up off my knee before I ossify." He joked, raising a chuckle from Sam. It was so like Jack to deflect from a tense situation with humor.

He stood and stretched before sitting next to her, placing an arm around her shoulders while her head rested on his. Absent-mindedly he rubbed a thumb over the ring in her finger.

"God, Sam, you said yes."

"Yes I did. You're surprised? You shouldn't be. I told you I fantasised about becoming Mrs O'Neill."

"Mad woman."

"Probably. So that was what all the special stuff was about, huh? That is romantic Jack."

"I wanted to do more than just drop it into the conversation, like I did at the cabin. I wanted to make it special."

"You certainly did that. I'm so happy you asked me again."

"I'm happy you said yes."

"The ring goes with my dress."

"Yeah, that's kind of weird, don't you think?"

"Kismet, Jack."

"Ya think?"

"Yes I do."

"Should we celebrate with some champagne? I got a bottle."

"That would be great, although I might get a little tipsy."

"I love you tipsy. You're hilarious."

"Gee, thanks."

"You're welcome." He grinned, reluctantly parting from her to get the champagne and glasses.

"A toast. To us!" He said when he had opened and poured it.

"To us."

They chinked their glasses together and took a sip, snuggling up again. They loved snuggling; it was a favoured occupation.

"In the morning I guess we should call Daniel and Teal'c. They should be the first to know." Jack said, breaking a long contemplative and cosy silence. "Maybe we should invite them to come to Washington for a weekend."

"I'd like that."

"Yeah, it would be cool. We haven't had any decent social time together since the cabin." He fell silent again for a moment and then added dreamily, "Mrs O'Neill. You're gonna be Mrs O'Neill."

"Don't let it go to your head, flyboy."

"Hey!"

He removed the glass from her hand, tickling her until she begged for mercy through tears of laughter.

"That's for calling me flyboy." He smirked.

"I always consider it a compliment."

"So should I start calling you flyboy?"

"Sometimes you are incorrigible." She slapped him playfully. "Give me a kiss?"

Jack was happy to oblige, realising that she was a little tipsy and when tipsy she got seductive and sexy. Their playful kissing quickly turned to passion and when her nails dug into his neck and she started to remove his bow tie he knew what was coming. She chewed at his ear, her hands wandering under his shirt

"Is this the part where you get to rip off my tux?" he asked, teasingly.

"Ummm… may I?" she replied with a feral grin.

Life was sweet!

The End


	6. Consequential Conversations

Title: Consequential Conversations

Author: Su Freund

E-mail: See bio

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: Angst / Romance

Content Level: Age 13+

Content Warnings: Minor use of mild language and references to sex

Pairings: Mention of Sam & Pete, Jack & Sam

Season: 9

Spoilers: Threads and S8 in general, plus references to S9 spoiler rumours

Summary: Not everything is rosy in Jack and Sam's garden. Roses have thorns.

Sequel/Series Info: Sequel to The Art of Conversation, plus No More Conversation: An Adult Interlude.

Status: Series

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2005 Su Freund

File Size: 84 KB

Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net

Author's Note: Many thanks to for permission to use the wonderful cap of Jack from Season 9 to illustrate this fic and to fulinn28 for making the book cover with it. You can see it on my site at the above address. Thanks also to my wonderful beta reader, Bonnie, for making useful suggestions about my story, as always. Any remaining errors are entirely my own.

The previous part, No More Conversation, is adult only and cannot be posted here, but is on my website if you wish to read it. However, it does not add to the overall plot of the series so you do not need to read it to enable you to follow and enjoy this part.

**Consequential Conversations **

The present:

Jack stared out of his office window nibbling on his long slender fingers and deep in thought. He cut a dashing figure in his uniform but he would never believe it. Not for the first time he wondered why he'd agreed to take a job that required him to wear the darned thing every day. He hated wearing it and missed being able to relax a little in his BDUs. Running a finger round his shirt collar, he longed to remove the tie. It was strangling him, metaphorically speaking, and he loosened it a notch as if that would help, but it wasn't that the tie was too tight. He was. Jack was wound up tighter than a ball of string.

Okay, so he was in a bad mood and had been for a couple of weeks or so. People had started to duck round corners when they saw him in the corridor or cringed when he walked into a room. Sure, that's an exaggeration, but everyone knew he was in a mood. They could feel it, even if he didn't show it. Outwardly he was calm and coldly polite. That was the problem. He appeared to need a sense of humor transplant and people noticed that he rarely smiled anymore. A lot of them even knew why, or believed they did. Of course none of them really knew the mystery that was General Jack O'Neill.

Those pesky nightmares had come back again. No one but Jack knew about them. He recognised they were a part of his life forever, after all he'd seen hell quite a few times in his life, so why wouldn't they be? Normally he could deal with them, keep them locked down, maintain control. When he was happy and relaxed they taunted him less frequently and would merely drop in for a visit from time to time, and he understood why that might be so, but right now he was neither happy nor relaxed.

If truth be told, he was stressed, restless and pretty damned miserable, so they were back again. There were moments in his life when they seemed to wreak vengeance for all those times he'd kept them at bay, and this was obviously one of those moments. He knew they'd go again, eventually, and life would become relatively normal once more, or he certainly hoped so, although he sometimes wondered what normal really was. How did someone like him become normal, live normally, act normally?

Jack was pretty sure he wouldn't go running off to a shrink any time soon to talk about his nightmares, so he'd just get on with life, his own kind of normality. He'd just fight back as always - in his own way, his own time, with his own brand of both introspection and denial.

He began to pace. A pile of paperwork sat in his tray and idly he stopped, flipping open the top file, sighing deeply and slamming it shut again. Staring at the photograph of Sam on his desk, he sighed, picking that up to look at it closely and putting it back down again. She looked so beautiful in that photograph. It was special. He picked up the file and paced again, slamming it into the palm of his hand.

"Crap!" he swore softly. He'd cut himself, no big deal but paper cuts hurt and he was already feeling stressed enough without that. "Moron!" he berated himself under his breath.

'Jack O'Neill, you're a fool. You can't go on like this. For crying out loud, you have to do something,' he thought.

"Sanders!" he shouted and a young Lieutenant came into the room.

"General O'Neill, Sir!"

"Arrange transport. I'm going to Colorado. The SGC."

"Sir?"

"Don't just stand there gawping, Sanders, get to it."

"Yes, sir, but are they expecting you?"

"No. And don't call. I want it to be a surprise."

"A surprise sir?"

"Gotta keep 'em on their toes Sanders."

"Yes Sir."

"Dismissed, Lieutenant."

"Sir!"

Sanders went off to make arrangements and Jack sat down, calling his CO. Satisfied with the result of their brief conversation, his mind drifted back to Sam again: Mrs Samantha O'Neill. Jack sighed wistfully at the thought, eyeing the other picture on his desk, the happy couple on their wedding day.

**Flashback to a few months before the present:**

After his proposal they didn't waste any time and, a month later, married in a small chapel in Colorado Springs, with a few close friends to bear witness. General George Hammond (retired) proudly bore Sam down the aisle, his arm linked with hers. Sam thought she couldn't have found a better man to give her away, although she deeply regretted that her father had not lived to do it.

Her father had wanted this to happen. After Sam agreed to marry him, Jack finally revealed the contents of his deathbed conversation with Jacob and she was thrilled her father would have approved of the match. He had hinted at it, but back then she'd been determined to marry Pete, despite herself and maybe to spite Jack. She chose to ignore those hints, pretending she had no idea what he meant.

Sam would never forget her own conversation with her father and it came to mind as she walked that seemingly long walk down the aisle of the small chapel. She sat by his deathbed, his hand in hers, trying to take advantage of the short time they had left.

"I just wanna know you're gonna be happy," he said.

"I am," she replied, emphatically.

"Don't let rules stand in your way."

That was a surprise, but she refused to hear what he was telling her, merely looking puzzled.

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"You joined the Air Force because of me."

"I love my job."

"Mmm." He looked dubious and reached out to stroke her cheek. When she recalled the moment she could almost feel his hand there. "You can still  
have everything you want."

"I do, dad," she responded and her father looked frustrated that she didn't,  
or refused to, understand what he was talking about. Sam took hold of his hand again reassuringly. She didn't want her dad worrying about her while he lay dying. She wanted him to die peacefully, not thinking about his little girl's future. "Really," she added for emphasis.

It was so obvious that dad had not taken to Pete. He tried to assure her he liked him, but she knew better. It was something else she shrugged off, pretending to believe his assurances.

That was another moment she recalled with stunning clarity, walking into the room with Pete and introducing him to her father.

"Pete Shanahan, Jacob Carter. Dad, this is Pete," she said.

Her father had been expecting it but Pete hadn't. Clearly he was stunned.

"Dad!" Pete exclaimed and Sam cringed inside, as did her father it seemed.

"Not quite yet," Jacob responded, "you have to actually marry my daughter before you can call me that."

The first thought that crossed her mind was that her father didn't seem to mind when the General called him "dad", but she pushed it away, just as she pushed everything else away, and refused to admit or accept it.

After that, the meeting seemed to go downhill quickly. Pete had become almost incoherent with nerves and then said something pretty stupid about her father carrying 'one of those things' inside of him. It was uncomfortable, embarrassing, and required a lot of effort from her to get them to loosen up a little.

Later, in the commissary, she broached the subject with her father, who had been very quite since Pete left.

"It's been two hours since Pete left. You haven't said a word," she said.

"I did so."

"He seems nice?" She quoted back at him. The words had damned her fiancé with faint praise.

"I believe that's three words."

It briefly occurred to Sam that it was the kind of comment she would have expected from her CO, and how similar the two most important men in her life were in so many ways. Then she rebuked herself, knowing that Pete should be more important than either of them.

"I'm gonna marry him," she replied, almost defiantly.

"I know. I just met him. What do you want me to say? I know how happy he makes you. That's all that matters to me," her father responded.

"OK," she said, accepting it because that was what she wanted to do.

Jack's later conversation with her father demonstrated where his respect, allegiance, and hopes, lay. Now she was pleased that was so and, although no one could replace her father in her heart, she was proud that George Hammond was able and willing to give her into the waiting arms of the man she loved. It seemed fitting.

She had come so close to marrying the wrong man and ruining her life, and Jack's. It was a disturbing thought and she wasn't going to let such thoughts spoil one of the biggest and most wonderful days of her life. It wasn't Pete Shannahan waiting for her at the alter, it was Jack O'Neill, and he looked adorably handsome and shy as he waited for George to give her away to become his wife. Pushing all thought of Pete to the back of her mind as she drew closer to Jack, Sam tried to calm herself and look around the chapel so she could take in the details of this biggest of occasions.

Daniel was Jack's best man, and it pleased her that these two men she adored so much waited at the end of the aisle as they approached. Sam could see Teal'c's big smile as he watched their approach from near the front of the chapel, meeting her eyes and bowing his head in tribute. Sam's acknowledging grin made his smile broaden all the more. Her maid of honor, Cassie, joined him as they reached the end of what seemed to Sam an extremely long walk, and he turned to greet her, meeting grin with grin.

The young woman that Cassie had become beamed joyfully, very happy to be witnessing the moment she had dreamed of for so many years. When Sam told her that she was marrying Jack and asked her to be maid of honor she'd been so delighted that the whole of Colorado Springs must have heard her yelping with pleasure. She had always seen this future for Sam and Jack, wishing it to come true, and believed her mother would have been equally as thrilled. The only thing that blighted this occasion was that her mother had not lived to see it.

Sam looked radiantly happy, and beautiful, and Jack's eyes reflected that joy as he watched her, nervous but elated. He took her hand and she felt the electricity pass between them and gasped, smiling up at him to meet his lopsided grin and dancing eyes. When it came to the part where they were declared husband and wife and kissed, she felt it was a kiss like no other that had passed between them.

She sensed Jack felt similarly and believed his love was expressed more clearly in his face and eyes than ever before. They were joined at last. They had always been joined and always would be. This ceremony merely confirmed it to the world at large, and cemented what lay deep in their hearts.

As she drew near with George, Jack's heart skipped a few beats, and hammered rapidly with excitement and joy. She looked so beautiful and was way too good for him, yet they were about to become husband and wife, like a long held dream come true; a shot at a new life and family that he had never believed possible.

They were about to become one. He was still disbelieving that this could happen and part of him waited for the other shoe to fall, holding his breath, almost sure that someone would raise an objection to their union and nix the whole thing. That never happened.

Husband and wife kissed and it was a kiss he would always remember. It made him feel wanted, needed and loved, confirming the rightness of what they did, their feelings, hopes and dreams. Everything they had been through together, and separately, for the last few years was worth it for this one moment, this one kiss.

"Mrs O'Neill," he whispered with a smile, fingers softly brushing her cheek.

"Mr O'Neill," she whispered back at him, her eyes glistening with the moisture of emotion. "I love you Jack." Her husband smiled.

"I sure hope so. I love you too, Sam, so very much. More than I can ever tell you."

"I know."

After that, they had been surrounded by the good wishes of friends and only once they left the reception were they finally able to be alone together.

They spent that first night in the luxury honeymoon suite of a local hotel. Jack carried her over the threshold, laying her on the bed and kissing her with all the passion that was smouldering inside, which she returned in kind. They stripped each other naked and made love for the first time as husband and wife, barely cognisant of their surroundings.

Afterwards they noticed the details of the suite: the champagne on ice, now melting, the flowers, the chocolates.

"Nice fruit basket," quipped Jack raising a large smile from Sam at that private team joke.

Later they took advantage of the Jacuzzi, sipping champagne and feeding each other the chocolates as they luxuriated in the bubbling warm mass of water. They were exhilarated but exhausted and, when Sam dozed for a while, Jack simply smiled and watched her, admiring her body, her beauty and her peaceful expression.

She woke and found his eyes on hers, kissing him softly, and he rose, helping her out of the Jacuzzi, drying them both off with towels and leading her back to their giant-sized honeymoon bed. They made love for the second time as husband and wife, and then fell asleep in each others arms, safe, comfortable and happy.

Next morning they breakfasted on the balcony, overlooking the magnificent mountains of Colorado, and delighted in each other's company. Then they set off for their honeymoon. Jack had made lots of suggestions about where they might go; Mexico, Hawaii and many other sun drenched and relaxing locations both near and far. Sam, on the other hand, suggested the most simple of locations; Jack's cabin in Minnesota. So that was where they went, arriving later that day after their long journey.

Jack had called ahead, asking an old friend the favour of preparing the cabin for them, and getting in some supplies, so it would be ready for their arrival. When they got there, the lights were blazing and welcomed them to Jack's beloved home, now theirs. Jack laughed because the cabin was strewn with bunting and a huge banner proclaiming "Congratulations Mr and Mrs O'Neill." That warmed their hearts, as if they needed warming.

Once again he carried her over the threshold, kissing her when they reached the other side.

"Welcome home, Mrs O'Neill," he declared happily.

They ate simply that night, but it felt like splendid luxury. The whole honeymoon was simple and yet splendid. They were alone, they were married, they were happy, they were one. At last. Ten days later they faced their return to Washington, neither wanting to go back and deal with reality.

**Flashback to a couple of months before the present:**

On his way to the airport, Jack's mind roamed to a different point in their relationship, a couple of months or so before. They'd been together as a couple for a year and he'd screwed up their "anniversary". He realised Sam must have been a little pissed. No wonder their marriage had hit some problems so early on; he probably didn't give her anything like what she really wanted. She probably expected so much more and he didn't give it. She must be disappointed in him.

No doubt she had wanted romance with just the two of them, but Jack arranged for Daniel and Teal'c to come to Washington that weekend without even thinking about it. It wasn't until he picked them up at the airport that he remembered. Daniel prompted the memory.

"You know Jack, it was a year ago that we were in Minnesota." Daniel said, "So it's been a while since we spent any social time together."

"A year? Crap!" he exclaimed. 'Our anniversary. A year since we broke the spell and got together. Why didn't Sam say anything?' he thought, 'she probably expected me to remember, wanted me to. Damn!'

"You forgot?" Daniel asked with a raised brow.

"Umm… yeah, kind of."

"Whoops."

"Yeah. Women notice that kind of thing."

"You gonna be in trouble?"

"Probably."

"Wanna stop somewhere and get something for Sam?"

"I should, shouldn't I?"

"Wanna turn around and take us back to the airport?"

"No! We've been looking forward to this."

"You two should probably be alone."

"You're only here for a couple of days, we have lots of time to be alone."

"Not on your 'anniversary', Jack."

"Crap!"

"Bad timing, huh?"

"Isn't it always?" Jack laughed, but inside was wondering what Sam was thinking.

On the way back they stopped at a mall and Jack hunted for a present, opting for a sapphire belly button ring, and earrings, which matched her engagement ring. Daniel had thought it a bit extravagant, but who was he to judge?

Sam was delighted to see their friends, saying nothing about the anniversary, but alone in their bedroom later, Jack gave her the present.

"Happy anniversary, Sam," he whispered as he pulled her into his arms.

"Jack!" She grinned and kissed him.

"I should never have invited Daniel and Teal'c this weekend of all weekends. We should have celebrated this alone. I'm sorry. I'm such a fool. Not very romantic." He felt he'd let her down badly even if she hadn't mentioned it.

"I thought you'd forgotten."

"I nearly did. How could I? Jeez!"

"Jack, it's okay."

"Is it? Not really, but I guess you're stuck with a numbskull. Go figure. You knew you were marrying one." She laughed at that and gave him a squeeze.

"You aren't a numbskull, Jack. Inconsiderate and thoughtless sometimes, maybe, but numbskull? Far from that."

"I'm sorry I'm thoughtless and inconsiderate sometimes, Sam. Hey, I'm a man. What more do you expect?"

"Worse than just a man, you're Jack O'Neill." She rolled her eyes, but smiled, and he kissed her.

"I love you Mrs O'Neill."

"I love you too Mr O'Neill."

They sat on the bed and he gave her the present. She seemed suitably thrilled and impressed. Then she gave him his. It was a photograph of her in a beautiful, though simple, silver frame. Clearly the photograph had been taken in a studio and was especially posed. She looked amazing. Hot, fantastic. It was something very special.

He wondered whether he had the nerve to keep it on his desk at work. It didn't really show anything but a lot of cleavage, but it sure was titillating. If he kept it on his desk, the whole world would get an eyeful of Sam looking hot and steamy, and he probably wouldn't ever manage to get any work done with her staring up at him with those big blue eyes, looking so incredibly sexy. Perhaps he should keep it on the nightstand.

"You-you look stunning, Sam."

"Glad you think so, flyboy."

He grinned, nibbling her ear and, as he pulled away, she handed him a small album. In it were more photographs. Obviously she'd had a professional session. He browsed through the small collection, eyes widening.

"Th-they… Wow! These are amazing. Thanks Sam," He kissed her, "I couldn't ask for anything better, apart from you. Hey, you aren't wearing a bra."

"That's the point. Don't be such a prude."

"Prude? Me? Never! I was just thinking about the photographer."

"Jealous?"

"Jealous? Moi?"

"He didn't see anything more than that. Cross my heart."

"I bet he wanted to. God, you look so hot. I wanna eat you all up." He started to caress her, gently, and undo her clothing. "Right now," he whispered, his lips brushing the skin on her chest, and then her neck.

"That's okay. You're allowed. We're married," she replied with amusement.

"Daniel and Teal'c…"

"We'll try to keep it quiet, Jack. I promise I won't scream."

He stripped her, removing her earrings and belly button ring, replacing them with the ones he'd bought for her, and then made love to her, slowly and sensuously. Her husband drove her crazy with desire, taking so long over his lovemaking that Sam didn't know how she kept the noise level down, or stop herself from screaming ecstatically, but she did. Afterwards, they lay in each other's arms, their caressing and hugging filled with love.

"That was pretty fantastic Jack," she whispered.

"Ummmm." He kissed her neck.

"You are just so good at that."

"I aim to please."

"Well, believe me, your aim is true, my love."

"You're pretty hot yourself, Mrs O'Neill." Sam kissed the end of his nose in response and smiled, "What would you say if I kept one of these photos on my desk at work?"

She considered him for a while before she replied.

"Ummm. You want half the Pentagon to get an eyeful?"

"Okay, some are a bit more… revealing than others. You look sexy in all of them, but they don't really show anything. I wouldn't take in anything too revealing or raunchy, honest. But, you think I'm not proud of my wife? That I don't want to show her off? There are, however, limits. Some of these no one's ever gonna see except you and I."

"As I intended. But I don't mind if you take one of them in, as long as you pick carefully. Once upon a time maybe I would have minded, but not now. You are right, they don't really show anything that wouldn't be seen if you had one of me in a bikini, actually a lot less, and I wouldn't object to that, so what the hell? They are pretty flattering."

"Flattering? You are the most beautiful woman on this planet, in the whole universe actually, and who would know that better than me?" He smiled at her blush, kissing her hot, pink tinged cheek, "It wouldn't hurt for those pentagon stuffed shirts to realise they have a sex goddess in their midst." Sam's blush deepened at the compliment, "With one of these on my desk, I'll be the envy of all the guys, if I'm not already, which I probably am. After all, I only happen to be the luckiest guy on Earth. Married to brains and beauty, who is also a great lay, by the way." His grin turned to a frown and he said, "Honey, I'm so sorry I didn't make our anniversary more romantic; just the two of us."

"Oh, you made it pretty special, Jack. Very special indeed."

He sighed with contentment and they snuggled close together, shortly falling into a long and dream filled sleep, but it wouldn't be long before they had to face a reality that Jack had been dreading. Looking back he wondered what she had really felt about that weekend. Had she been disappointed?

**Flashback to a few weeks before the present:**

Reality. There it was staring Sam in the face. They'd only been married a few months and she'd come home early to think. Jack returned some hours later to find her sitting in the dark.

"Sam, honey, what is it?" he asked as he saw her sitting in the shadows, immediately going to her side, kissing her cheek and placing an arm round her in comfort. Clearly something was bothering his wife. She didn't answer immediately, but clung to him as if her life depended on it.

"They asked if I wanted to stay on the project for another few months. We haven't made as much progress as they would have liked," she admitted eventually.

Jack took a deep breath, trying to discern her thoughts. It was a moment he had been dreading and had refused to face.

"And?" he asked.

"I don't know what to do."

"What do you want to do, Sam?"

"I want to be with my husband."

"But?" he pressed. She was silent. "But you want to go back to the SGC." There, he'd said it; a little coldly, Sam thought, or was she imagining that?

Jack had always known that she wasn't happy in her work at the Pentagon although she never told him in so many words. She missed the SGC, her friends, the action, the unknown. Washington was intended as a temporary arrangement and they had both known that the crunch would arrive soon. It was way too soon for Jack's liking.

"I miss it," she said.

"I know."

"So what do I do?"

"It's not my decision, Sam."

"But you're my husband."

"That doesn't give me any right to own your life and career, though, does it?"

"Doesn't it?" she asked, expecting a different reaction.

"No. You have to do what's right for you, honey."

"The Pentagon doesn't feel right, Jack."

"I know."

"You know?"

"I know you haven't been happy at work. I know you only stayed here to please me and be with me. I know that can't go on forever."

"You never said anything."

"Neither did you. I kept expecting you to, but you never did."

"I love you, Jack."

"I know that too, but we both know that sometimes other things are more important than that. It's not true that love conquers all. We lived with that for a long time."

"Things changed. We're together now, we're married."

"If you go back, that doesn't negate our marriage, or anything else."

"But if I go back, we won't be together anymore."

"Not as much, no, not unless I come back too."

"There is no going back for you, unless you retire. It isn't time for that."

"No? Maybe it is."

"No! You can't."

"You think my country still needs me? There are lots of Generals who could do my job."

"There isn't anyone who could do it as well as you do, Jack, or who has your kind of experience."

"Flatterer."

"You know it's true." She responded, and Jack sighed, rubbing his hands through his short grey hair, saying nothing. "We've only been married for a few months." Sam continued.

"But we've been together for over a year, Sam. That's a lot more than I ever imagined we'd get. We're both military. It happens."

"How can you be so calm about it?" she asked.

"Calm? I'm the master of calm," she saw his smile in the darkness, "I want my wife to be happy. I don't want this marriage destroyed because we made the wrong choices."

"You are encouraging me to go? Do you want me to?"

"What I want has nothing to do with it. If you go I'm going to miss you and it'll be hell here without you. None of that makes it the wrong thing to do."

He was so trying to be the voice of reason, even though his stomach was churning at the thought of losing her. Letting her go might be the only way to keep her.

"What would that separation do to our marriage?" she asked.

"I don't know. Neither of us has a crystal ball."

"Holy Hannah, I just wish you'd be a bit more unreasonable!"

"You want me to argue you should stay? I can't do that. I can't try forcing you to make a choice that I know will make you unhappy. What will it do to our marriage if you stay?"

They were caught between the proverbial rock and hard place. Sam both loved and hated him at that moment. He was forcing her to make the choice, and she had known deep down that he would, loving him for letting her be her own woman and not trying to force her hand; loving his reasonableness and reason.

However, she also longed for him to say he loved her and wanted her to stay, that he needed her there with him, that she couldn't desert him, that he wanted her love. He should fight to keep her, and she hated that he didn't do that.

Jack was upset at the thought of her leaving him behind in Washington. How would he deal with those weeks apart? Was this their marriage, or truly only her work that was pulling them apart? Was there more than just her career, her love of the SGC at stake here?

It worried him. He thought she'd been a little distant lately, and moody; oh man, was she moody! Was some of it him? If she went would they fall apart? And what if she stayed, or he moved back to the Springs? Would it make them closer or destroy them? Was she growing restless? He had always wondered if that might happen.

What was it they said about familiarity breeding contempt? It was cliché, he realised, but no less untrue because of that. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Ack! His mind was full of questions but he had no answers. It was disturbing. She said she loved him, but… What the heck did she see in him anyway? Crap! He couldn't win in this situation. Heads you lose, tails you lose.

"Make love to me Jack," she asked and then, "No, not love. Have sex with me, screw me: hard, rough, forceful. Take me!"

He looked into her eyes and saw her plea. It bothered him that she wanted that kind of sex with him right now. He needed her to love him and be loving, but she wanted brute force, without the love. Suppressing his own feelings, he obeyed, giving her what she wanted, virtually ripping her clothes off and forcing himself on her while she fought him until surrendering and letting him have what she wanted him to take.

They had played sex games before, but it seemed to him that this was not a game. Nevertheless, he played it perfectly, giving her what she wanted, brutal, base and basic. She played no part other than opposing him and eventually letting him rip it from her, and they hurt each other, both mentally and physically with that act, while also gaining perverse pleasure from it. It gave them sexual gratification, but left them both unsatisfied and uneasy.

She forced a distance between them that he never wanted and he wondered if that was the only way she could make the decision to leave him behind. That night they did not sleep in each other's arms, or spoon together like they normally did, but lay back to back, awake for a long time and thinking their own secret thoughts.

Little over a week later, having made a fine job of managing upwards and influencing her CO, Sam returned to the SGC and Jack stayed in Washington. They were both busy at work, and their time together was short. An atmosphere built up between them. It was so different to the way they had been over the last few months. They didn't really part on the best of terms; a terse kiss, a mumbled goodbye.

The night before she left he tried to make love to her, but she rejected him, claiming she was too tired, and when they parted it seemed like they were truly alone once again.

It broke Jack's heart as he wondered if their marriage could survive. They had only been married a few months, but it felt like something had changed forever, that he had lost 'his Sam', and he didn't know how to make it right again, or win her back.

**The present:**

He thought they were special, and Sam often seemed to agree, but on that journey to Colorado, Jack wondered how she really felt deep down. Looking back, he knew they'd had some great times together, but also that he could be distracted, distant, and forgetful of some of the things that were important to her. The anniversary was just one example. There were others. Maybe it wasn't enough. Maybe he gave her less than she needed.

Had she really known what she was getting herself into when they married? He wasn't an easy man to live with, or to know, he realised that. He found it difficult to give of himself, but thought he'd done a pretty good job of that with Sam, for him, and certainly better he could have been, or ever had been with anyone else in his life, including Sara. He tried, but maybe not enough.

Jack believed he was connected with Sam in a way that he'd never been connected before, but had no clue how she felt about that. Maybe he was deluding himself. They had shared so much over the years, but he'd also needed to keep a lot hidden from his team mates, from everyone. That was Jack O'Neill. He couldn't change something so fundamental so easily. With Sam, once they got together, things had been different, but maybe they weren't different enough.

He imagined Sam thinking him cold and forbidding. A wife shouldn't feel that about her husband. It bothered him that he wasn't sure how she felt about both his natural, and acquired, reticence. She probably didn't even realise how much he had opened up to her in a way that had never happened with anyone before. How could she know that?

Since she'd left Washington their contact had comprised a couple of brusque and unrevealing phone calls. He couldn't handle it. He was right that Washington was hell without her, but he wasn't sure it would be that much better with her and couldn't fathom what was happening, or why.

When he got to the mountain, Sam and Daniel were at the Alpha Site and he was kind of relieved. It gave him a chance to get the business out of the way before he saw her. He'd arranged to tag on a couple of days vacation while he was there and checked with Hank Landry that Sam could too; if she wanted to. He really hoped she wanted to.

The incoming traveller alert sounded and he made his way quickly to the control room, knowing that she was due back. As she exited the wormhole he watched through the glass, noticing she looked tired. She glanced up, saw him and looked surprised, but smiled, which pleased him because he wasn't sure she would, so he went down to the gate room.

Immediately, Daniel spotted the distance between them. Instead of hugging or even touching, as he might have expected, they stood regarding each other with some wariness. He had suspected something might be wrong because, since her return, Sam hadn't been behaving like herself. He'd pressed her about it but she wouldn't talk.

He greeted Jack like the missed friend that he was, trying to ignore the atmosphere, and they made their way up to the control room and towards the briefing room to report to General Landry. Jack talked cheerily to Daniel as if Sam wasn't even there and it worried the archaeologist. While Sam went to make the report, Daniel dropped out, taking Jack away to ask what was going on.

"I wish I knew," Jack replied to his questions.

"Did you and Sam have an argument about her coming back here?" Daniel probed.

"No. I didn't try to stop her, Daniel. I knew this was what she wanted. But she-she…" Jack pressed his fingers into his temples as if he had a headache, "she pushed me away." He declared, finally. "Before she left, she seemed different. We've hardly talked for, well, actually two or three weeks, but it seems like years."

Jack was not one to confide that much of his private life to his friends, but he needed a friend right now and missed Daniel. Teal'c wasn't around as he was off doing something with the Jaffa leadership. These two men were the only ones Jack was likely to confide in, on those rare occasions he confided at all, so he felt lucky that Daniel was around.

"Maybe you should have tried to stop her," Daniel said. "maybe that's what she wanted you to do."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"It doesn't? Well, women don't sometimes Jack. You know as well as I do what a mass of contradictions they can be. Can't we all? Maybe she thinks that if you really loved and wanted her you would have tried harder."

Jack had never even considered this and it gave him pause for thought.

"That's crazy."

"Maybe, but talk to her about it, Jack. Don't let it stew."

"That's why I came. I can't stand this anymore. We are growing apart and we've only been married a few months. I love her. I don't want to lose her."

"And she loves you."

"I used to believe that but now I'm not so sure. Maybe we should never have got married. Maybe she's regretting that. Committing to me… that's one hell of a leap. We'd only been together a few months before we tied the knot. Maybe we rushed into it too quickly. God knows, I'm not good enough for her, I've always known that…"

"Stop that, Jack. It's nonsense." Daniel interrupted. "She's been committed to you for years, and you know it."

"The fantasy and the reality are not the same thing, Daniel."

"You think you expected too much of each other?"

"Maybe. It was always a possibility, wasn't it? Dammit, Daniel all those years… it scares the hell out of me. Perhaps the real ordinary everyday us aren't up to it."

"Oh, Jack, I find that hard to believe. You're great together. Always were."

"You aren't living it."

"No, but I've been working with Sam since she got back and know that, deep down, she's miserable."

"She is?" Jack looked vaguely hopeful, and then crestfallen again, "But do you know what that means?"

"No. She hasn't talked to me, if that's what you're getting at."

"Crap! I hoped… Crap! I don't know what to do."

"You mean you turned up without a plan?"

"Yeah."

"You need to tell her what you're feeling, Jack."

"You make it sound simple. I've never been that good at the expressing feelings thing."

"Then I suggest you try to get good at it."

Sam chose that moment to make an appearance and Daniel left them alone.

"How are you?" Jack asked his wife.

"Great, I'm great."

They were walking towards her lab and he stopped, grasping her shoulders and turning her to face him.

"No you aren't, or we aren't. Sam, what's going on with us? Why is everything falling apart?"

"It isn't," she shrugged him off and continued walking.

"Oh? Could have fooled me." They entered the lab and he closed the door. "I've got a few days off. I-I hoped, well Hank says you can have some time while I'm here…"

"You asked my CO whether I could take some leave? How dare you do that!"

"For crying out loud, Sam, we need some time. Don't…"

"Don't what? Resent you trying to run my life."

"Don't accuse me of doing that. I have never done that." Jack was stung by the accusation, hurting inside and not knowing how to deal with her. He didn't understand what was wrong.

"I've only just got back here. I can't take time right now," she said coldly.

"So you don't want to talk? You don't want to try to fix whatever is wrong with us?"

She didn't respond but started fiddling with things on her desk, switching on her computer, ignoring his presence.

"Sam!"

"I'm busy."

"You're my wife, dammit, don't I deserve a little respect?"

"We'll talk later. Just not right now."

"Sam, please. Come home with me now. Please."

"I need to type up my report." She refused to meet his eyes.

"Screw you!" he cried in despair, "I dropped some stuff off at the house before I came here." Sam had been living at his house, their house now. "I'll go pick it up and get the next flight back to Washington. Maybe I'll see you around sometime, Mrs O'Neill." His voice was vitriolic and Sam cringed.

Jack stalked out angrily, upset and confused and, after he left, Sam placed her head in her hands and cried.

To be continued in Changing Conversations


	7. Changing Conversations

Title: Changing Conversations

Author: Su Freund

E-mail: See bio

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: Angst / Romance

Content Level: Age 13+

Content Warnings: Minor use of mild language and references to sex

Pairings: Jack & Sam

Season: 9

Spoilers: Threads and S8 in general, plus references to S9 spoiler rumours

Summary: Jack and Sam's differences remain unresolved

Sequel/Series Info: Sequel to Consequential Conversations

Status: Series

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2005 Su Freund

File Size: 66 KB

Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net

Author's Note: Thanks to Bonnie for beta reading this fic and for her helpful suggestions which made me change it for the better - also, as Fulinn28, for making the book cover that illustrates this fic on my site from a wonderful photo of Amanda Tapping. Many thanks are due to all of you who have sent great feedback for this series and encouraged me to keep going.

**Changing Conversations **

When he returned to the house from the SGC, Jack poured himself a large scotch and sat thinking for a while, staring at a photo of Sam, which he placed on the table in front of him. It was the same one he had in his office; one of the photos she'd had taken for their "anniversary".

It really wasn't that much longer than a year ago that they'd first got together. Now he pondered whether they would make it to the second anniversary. They'd only been married a matter of months. Bemoaning the current perilous state of his marriage, he asked himself how could it have fallen apart so quickly, and his heart ached.

How could Sam simply reject him like that? She'd been so cold, so distant, and Jack had thought he was the cold, distant one, that she might find him forbidding, but this time it was Sam. When he saw her smile at him from down in the gate room his heart filled with hope that they could fix whatever it was that had gone so radically wrong in the last few weeks. It seemed that Sam didn't want to do that, or take the time to try. Obviously she didn't believe Jack was worth the effort.

If Jack was the sort of man who would easily cry he would have been crying now; sobbing his poor shattered heart dry. He was upset, yes, but even more he was angry. He had to be angry otherwise he would have been a broken man. Anger kept him alive and sane. How could she treat their marriage with such contempt? The vows they made meant a lot to him, everything, but seemingly she didn't take them anywhere near as seriously.

The scotch slipped down his throat way too easily. Deep down Jack knew that alcohol was no solution. It was a depressant and that was probably the last thing he needed right now. Things were depressing enough already. Logical, however, was not something he was prepared to be at this moment, so he poured another large shot and downed it in one, relishing the heat as it went down, the seemingly numbing effect as it impacted on his senses.

Jack's poor heart despaired. He had loved Sam for such a long time and kept it as hidden and suppressed as possible so he could be the good soldier and commander, so that it did not affect his team or their work. He had been so happy when they finally got together and declared their true feelings, and ecstatic when they made the final commitment and got married. Now he wished he'd kept those feelings buried. Could he have felt worse than this had she gone and married another man?

At least if she had married Shannahan he could have imagined her happy and content and maybe she would have been. Now it appeared that she was miserable and discontented and it was her relationship with Jack that made her that way. That was the bitterest of bitter blows. Jack had so longed to make her happy, and hoped that they would settle down and have the family he yearned for.

He had imagined them in their old age, still madly in love with each other, watching their adult children with their own families, if he lived that long. He had pictured them continuing to hold hands, hug and exchange secret smiles and thoughts without speaking. It was a picture he cherished above everything else he held dear. Previously, when he thought he'd lost her to Pete, he knew he would grow old alone, an embittered and lonely man. Now it seemed that might still happen and the thought made the bile rise to his throat. He'd had such hopes, such dreams!

He downed more scotch to take away that bitter taste, but it wasn't working. It merely made him more miserable and introspective. When Charlie died his chance at contentment had died with him. He would never see his son grow up to become a man and have a family of his own. That was the bitterest of sorrows. With Sam he got another shot at it, a way to make his life right again, to be normal and happy and watch their children grow to become their own people. In an instant that seemed to have gone, leaving him without hope.

With his head a little fuzzy, he decided he needed to leave soon to catch the plane. Jack didn't want to risk her coming home to find him there drunk and miserable. He had no wish for her to see the havoc she'd wrought with his heart, so got up and fetched his small suitcase, looking around his old home nostalgically before placing the case on the floor near the couch and sitting again to finish his drink before he left. Then he heard the key in the door. He'd left it too long; she was back. He let the anger take over from the depression. It was way easier for him to let her see the rage than what truly lay in his battered, bruised and blackened heart.

Sam walked into the room and eyed him, the scotch, and the suitcase sitting close by. He said nothing, merely looking at her, but she caught his despair as well as his anger before his eyes strayed back to the glass of scotch. He finished it and poured another large one, taking a sip and staring stubbornly at the amber liquid, his lips thin and angry and eyes ablaze with hostility.

"Don't leave Jack," she said.

"So we can talk when you want to, but not when I do?" His tone was acerbic and she couldn't blame him for that.

Why had she been so wretched to him? Deep down, she knew why, and now she had to explain it or she'd lose him and, despite how it might seem, she didn't want that. Sam loved him, and cared deeply, but she was scared.

"I'm sorry," she said, approaching him.

"Is that meant to make everything alright?"

"No, but we do need to talk Jack. So I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you away."

Jack didn't believe that. She had done it deliberately but he just didn't know her reasons. Maybe if he did they could start to fix this. Only a few short weeks ago, they had been happy. Could they get that back?

"Yes, you did," he responded coldly, unwilling to give her an inch of room for manoeuvre, and she sighed, moving towards him.

"I don't want to lose you Jack." She knelt in front of him, taking his hands. "Please look at me."

Jack didn't want to do that because he knew all would be lost in the depths of her blue eyes. He needed to maintain some control, and some dignity. He needed respect, and love. When he failed to look at her, she lifted a hand to his face, smoothing his cheek affectionately. He couldn't help himself. He looked.

So that he could avoid how that made him feel Jack pushed her away, getting up, striding over to the other side of the room and turning his back to her. Sam winced at the reaction but knew why he did it. He would not allow her back in so easily. She had to work for it, she had to fight. She understood him better than he realised.

Jack was simply trying to protect his broken heart. He'd suffered too much heartache during his lifetime and she had added to it. Sam was not proud of that fact. She realised this moment would be no easy ride for Mrs Samantha O'Neill, figuring she didn't deserve it to be, but fervently hoping she could still make it right.

"Jack, please, we need to talk. I was wrong. I shouldn't have sent you away. Please listen to me."

"And give you the chance you didn't give to me? Screw you Sam! I came here to talk and you didn't want to. Why should I give you that chance?"

"Because you love me? Because you don't want our marriage to end in ruins anymore than I do?"

"If it ends like that who's to blame Sam?" he turned to face her, his expression filled with fury. "I'm the one who did all the running here and you just threw it back in my face. So why don't you go back to the SGC and leave me alone? I'll be leaving soon and you won't need to worry about it any more. You don't want me? Well that suits me fine!"

"But I do want you Jack. I love you."

"Yeahsureyabetchya," he said sarcastically, "you made that so totally clear."

"What can I do to make you listen, to make you understand? Tell me, Jack. I'll do anything."

He said nothing to that, simply turning his back stubbornly, as she might have guessed he would. Walking over to him, she tried to grasp an arm but he shook her off.

"Look at me, Jack. Please look at me?" she sobbed.

His heart started to thaw a little to that sound. He had always hated doing anything that caused Sam pain. It was a hard habit to break. Turning to face her, Jack saw tears in her eyes, and so nearly just took her into his arms, but he didn't. His expression showed nothing of his feelings and she searched his eyes, hoping to see something there, but didn't. They remained cold and hard, but she believed they were part of the shell that he had built up to protect himself. They didn't show her husband's true feelings. He was trying to bury those .

"You came here to talk Jack. That means you wanted to fix this. Don't let it slip away like I nearly did. Give me a chance. I'm here and I love you. Doesn't that count for anything anymore?"

"Love me? You sure have a strange way of showing it."

"I know I've treated you badly. I didn't give you the respect or the love you deserve so very much. I should have said what I needed to say while I was in Washington, but I couldn't face it. I have some reasons for that, Jack. Give me the chance to explain them, please."

Jack said nothing but nodded briefly. She was right. He had come here for this and now he was rejecting the chance. He needed that chance as much as she did and knew it. Making an effort to let his anger subside, he went and sat back on the couch, with Sam following and sitting close-by.

Such a short time ago, his hopes and dreams had been ripped to shreds. He'd been drowning in misery, but Sam had thrown him a lifeline. It was the act of a stupid man to refuse the opportunity to be saved, if that was possible. He really wanted it to be possible.

Cutting his nose off to spite his face might be O'Neill like sometimes, but he had to face his fear and swallow his pain and pride. After all, he'd look pretty foolish without a nose and Sam was as much a part of him as any part of his own body. That didn't mean he had to make it easy for her, only possible.

"Please hold me," she said.

'Jeez,' he thought, 'Daniel was so right about that mass of contradictions.'

"I don't think so. I'm not ready to do that." He saw her sorrow at his rejection and took a kind of satisfaction from hurting her. She deserved it. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?" he asked.

"I've got a couple of days off, Jack. Are you going to stay?"

She searched his eyes again and saw confusion, pain and anger, taking some small comfort from the fact that at least he seemed to be showing something of his emotions, probably unwittingly because she recognised the effort on the contours of his face as he struggled to maintain control.

"I don't know. Maybe. I guess it depends on what you say." His voice was even, unemotional and distant.

"I want you to. Please stay."

"I need to know… I need to understand…"

"I'm not sure I understand myself."

She took his hand but he pulled away, turning to face her, but not confrontationally. She'd hurt him and he still felt anger, and could be stubborn, but he wasn't stupid. He had come to the Springs to have this conversation so couldn't turn his back on it now the time had come.

Jack was thinking about all those years of wanting, sacrificing and waiting for the chance to love her and let her love him. He couldn't waste all of that. They'd been through too much and he wouldn't allow it to end up meaning nothing.

"Then how can I? It took a lot for me to come here, Sam, and then… I love you and want to be with you, but you've hurt me. How do you expect me to act? What do you want from me?"

Sam was surprised he was willing to admit those feelings at that moment. At heart she knew he loved her and wanted to be with her, but for him to expose it right now, while hurt and angry and with no explanation for her behaviour, was nothing short of miraculous. It meant a great deal, and proved it also meant a whole hell of a lot to Jack too.

"I love you too, you must know that," she said.

"I don't think I know anything anymore. The last couple of weeks have been pure hell. You've been so cold on the phone; we didn't exactly part on the best of terms. Explain it to me. Please. Why do you want to hurt me?"

Again, he surprised her with his candour. He was giving a lot more of himself than she'd expected.

"I don't. I didn't mean…" she tailed off because she knew it wasn't true.

"I'm gonna make coffee," He declared abruptly, "I need a clear head." Putting down his glass, he eschewed the alcohol, "Do you want some?" he asked and she shook her head.

"I'll get juice," she said.

Sam followed him out to the kitchen, discarding her jacket and shoes along the way. As she entered, he stood with his back to her making the coffee and she came up behind him, wrapping him in her arms, sprawling along the length of his back. His hand instinctively reached for hers.

Even though he didn't understand what had happened, he did understand that she needed and wanted him now. He needed and wanted her too. His reaction was as much of a surprise to him as it was to her. Already he was letting her back in and he still knew nothing of why she had behaved so hurtfully.

"Can you forgive me?" she asked.

"I don't know. I'm not even sure what I'm forgiving you for."

Sam could sense the resentment in those words, but also a willingness to listen, and was grateful.

"I will try to explain it, really I will. I just can't… find the right words right now."

That was a dilemma he could relate to, so he squeezed her hand and then gently prized her off so he could turn to face her.

"Will we work this out?" he questioned, hating the doubts and fear that lurked inside.

"We must. I hope so. I want us to."

"Then that's a start. It will do for now. We'll both find the words, soon."

"I don't deserve you. I don't deserve you to accept without question, to love me like that."

"I don't just accept, but I am prepared to be patient, and I do love you."

"I needed to hear that, that you love me."

"Sam, you know very well how I feel about you. Maybe I don't express it as well as I might, or as often, but that's me and I can't be any different to the way I am. I'm never gonna stop loving you," he confessed, "what makes you doubt it?"

She didn't respond and, recognising her doubt because it was so close to his own, Jack wondered why she felt like that. What had he done to make her doubt him? What had happened? Was this his fault? He was at a loss to know the answer, so he had to be patient, wait and listen.

Even if Sam didn't deserve that chance, he did. He wanted that chance for himself, that chance for the normal life he dreamed of. There was no point in rejecting that opportunity because he would harm himself and his future so very badly if he did. His pride and anger took a back seat. Maybe he could forgive her, maybe he couldn't. There was only one way to find out.

It wasn't easy, but he loved Sam and had to give them every opportunity, not allow everything between them to simply slip away. It was clear that she still loved him and that was more important than pride and all the rest of those pesky negative emotions that could stand in their way. It had taken years to get where they were and he couldn't simply let them be destroyed so easily, or quickly.

Eyes slightly watery with emotion, he pulled her into a hug, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall and holding her close, swaying rhythmically as if to comfort them both. When they went back to the living room with their drinks, they sat together and he put an arm around her shoulder, while she rested her head close to his.

Sam was pleasantly shocked by his behaviour. Although she had been trying to get him to make this concession, she hadn't really expected it to happen without a lot more effort. She knew, however, that this was a temporary truce. Unless she explained herself Jack would withdraw again and become that hard nut she had been so intent on cracking for months.

"Daniel figures I should have begged you to stay in Washington, that maybe you're pissed because I didn't. Should I have done that Sam?"

"You talked to Daniel about this?"

"Briefly. Don't be angry. I needed a friend."

"I'm not angry, I'm just surprised."

"I know I'm a master at keeping it in Sam, but sometimes even I need to let it out a little. I can't keep it all bottled up inside of me forever. I'll explode. Are you going to answer my question?"

"He might be right. I think he's a little right."

"I don't get it. You wanted to come back, we both know it."

"But I didn't want to leave you."

"You think I let you go too easily?"

"Maybe."

"You don't know?"

"I expected you to… make more of a fuss."

"So it pissed you off that I didn't?"

"I guess."

"And if I had, what then? I know how important your career is to you. I never wanted to screw it up, to get in the way of it, you know that."

"Yes, I know it."

"Well?"

She parted from him, pulling her legs onto the couch and tucking them up to her chin, so she could look into his face. He deserved to see her feelings as well as hear them. One of her arms was wrapped around her knees to keep balance while the other fingered his brow, and cheek, brushing over his lips. He sighed, closing his eyes momentarily, and when he opened them again, she was staring right into his soul through them.

"I was so torn, Jack. I'd been thinking about it for ages. When I came back to the SGC, before, I thought of nothing much else on the plane on the way home. I was happy with you, but not in Washington, not with my work. It irritated me that you didn't seem to notice."

"I noticed."

"I know that now, but I didn't then."

"So?"

"Then I got home and you were dressed to kill, in a tux, and looked so handsome and sexy. And you proposed. I wasn't going to say no a second time, Jack. I knew it would kill you if I did. Don't look at me like that. It's not why I said yes. I wanted to marry you, and was so happy when you asked me again. I thought maybe you wouldn't, that you'd changed your mind. I hoped you would ask. So I tucked all those qualms about work away for another day. But I shouldn't have done that. I should have forced the issue before we got married, before I said yes. We should have discussed our future, Jack, how we were going to deal with things, but we never did."

Jack was a little stunned by her long flow of words. During her diatribe his emotions had run a gamut and he still wasn't sure what she was trying to tell him.

"You regret it? Getting married?" he braved asking, voice choked with emotion as if afraid of her response.

"No!"

He considered her face and eyes, believing her and feeling a profound sense of relief. This meant they could be saved.

"Then I still don't understand." Suddenly, a thought hit him right between the eyes. "You're blaming me for that, aren't you? That we didn't talk, that I never asked you what you wanted to do after we were married, that we never confronted our feelings about it. You're blaming me!"

"I think I might be a little." Jack looked at her in dismay. "I know that logically I shouldn't, but it isn't always easy to be logical."

"That's just great coming from Madam Logic herself!" he snapped, angry that she blamed him when all he'd been doing was trying to give her the freedom to live her life as she chose and merely let him be a part of it.

"Jack!"

"You think I shouldn't be angry? Well I am angry. Damned angry. You should have told me how you felt."

"You said you knew."

"A little, maybe, but not…" he sighed heavily, scrubbing his hands through his hair, frustrated at his inability to express what he wanted. "You didn't seem to want to talk about it and I thought we'd do that eventually, when the time came."

"The time was already there, it had passed us long ago."

"But I didn't know that. Sam, don't you get it? I can't read your mind! Jeez, women always expect you to read their minds." He sighed with frustration and thought about his next words before he spoke. "I would have done whatever you wanted. You only had to ask me, talk to me."

"You don't need to give up what you want for me."

"Neither do you. And, by the way, we never discussed what I wanted either. What I still want."

"You're right. I'm sorry. What do you want Jack?"

"You. It's simple, see, just like me."

Sam gasped with a surprised "Oh!" and he sighed, running his hands through his hair and giving himself time to think before he continued

"I realise its more complicated than that, Sam, but I guess that's the bottom line. That doesn't mean I'll do anything or put up with anything to get you, but I want to work it out."

Sam didn't respond with words, simply pulling her legs round to kneel on the couch and reaching to take him in her arms.

"You are far from simple by the way," she whispered, "even if you would love to believe that about yourself."

"I'm not as complicated as you."

"That's only from your perspective," she replied and those words made him laugh for some reason. She was right, of course.

"I guess it's all a matter of perspective. Maybe we need to share each other's every once in a while, huh?"

"You are so not good at that Jack O'Neill."

"I know, but I can try. I will try."

"So will I."

"Okay. That's good, then, yeah?" He kissed her hair, her cheek, her brow, and rubbed his thumb just in front of her ear, fingering the hair behind it.

"That's not all Jack."

"Tell me." He cradled her, waiting for her to continue.

"I want to be able to be happy with just you, and hate myself for not being. I hate that I so want my career, that I can immerse myself in my work and almost forget you exist. I told you I'd give it up for you, but it isn't true, is it?"

"We both spent years working our butts off and almost forgetting each other existed, Sam. You know I never wanted or expected you to give it all up for me anymore than you want me to for you."

"Shouldn't I be able to?"

"Why? Because you're a woman and that's what expected? It's not what I expect from you. I fell for a woman who is her own person, not an appendage to Jack O'Neill! So, why does it have to be you?"

"It shouldn't have to be either of us."

"Sam, we both need our own lives outside of each other. That's only logical. As much as I'd love to spend every moment possible with you, neither of us would like that and we'd drive each other nuts. But when we do get time to be together, it makes those moments I spend with you all the more precious; every one of them." His words moved Sam.

"That's a lovely thing to say."

"It is?"

"Yes."

"It's true, isn't it?"

"Yes it's true."

"Well then, we could try make it work with you here, me in Washington. It isn't so very far away, but maybe I want us to be together more than that allows, Sam. I don't mind distance or separation; I've managed that for most of my life. Military, married, duty. Been there already." He brushed a stray hair away from her face with a finger, kissing her forehead tenderly. "Or maybe I want more than that now. Maybe I could just come home."

"Home? Here?"

"Sure, here. My heart's here. You're here."

"You'd be bored."

"I'd find something to do with my time. For crying out loud, I don't want to sit on my butt doing nothing all day. That is for sometimes, not forever but, hell, I might not even have to retire. Maybe the US Air Force would pay me as a consultant at the SGC, or something. I don't know. Maybe I can arrange something and I certainly won't know unless I ask. Look, Sam, my career's almost over anyway so it doesn't much matter anymore. Yours is more important. I'll go back to Washington in a couple of days and tell then I want out; see what happens."

"You'd do that?"

"I'm gonna do that."

"I can't let you do that, Jack. We still need you. You said something about trying to make it work with me here and you there."

"We can try it that way for a while if you like. I know I'd miss the hell out of you every single day. Not sure I want that. I love coming home each day knowing you'll be there. I love sharing my life with you."

"Me too, flyboy."

She leaned forward and kissed him, stopping the smile that was forming on his face with her lips, but the smile was still there on the inside.

"Does this mean we fixed it?" she asked.

"No, but we fixed some of it. We don't have to try fixing everything at once. We've both got a couple of days going spare. This is why I came here, Sam."

She nodded, pleased that he had because it was what she'd wanted to happen, despite her initial resistance. Also surprised that he had because he could be stubborn and unforgiving. The fact that he wasn't told her so much that she needed to know right now.

"Have we fixed it enough so I can make love to you, Jack?"

"Make love to me? You want to seduce me?"

He was stunned by that proposal after Sam's recent aloofness and rejection, initially unsure of how to react or respond.

"Yes I do. I've missed you so much."

She caressed his hand, smoothing over his knuckles and then lifting it to her face and kissing them. Jack considered her proposition. He'd missed her too, and making love with her. Apart from that one occasion a few days before she'd left for the SGC, their lovemaking had always brought them closer together, emphatically proving their feelings in a way that words alone were inadequate to do. Now, he was willing to let that happen again, and yearned for it.

"I think I could handle it," he grinned, letting her take control, lead him to the bedroom, strip and seduce him.

This was true lovemaking, her gift to him. She was loving, gentle, slow and delicate. Recalling that night in Washington, when he had screwed her like a common whore because that was what she'd wanted, he realised this was the first time they'd had sex since then. It was so utterly different; so filled with emotion: love.

It reminded him of the night he'd proposed, which held a special place in his memory. They had great sex that night - the best - and, after a tux ripping passionate seduction, she had made love to him slowly and with so much feeling. This lovemaking now restored his faith that they were well on their way to fixing what had gone wrong.

Afterwards, she lay in his arms and whispered in his ear.

"Jack, I need to tell you something." She sounded nervous so he squeezed in encouragement. "I'm pregnant."

"W-what? P-pregnant? Sam, I… Pregnant? Wow! That's great news, honey. It is isn't it? Unless... Oh!"

Appalled, he realised that this was part of what had come between them and sat up abruptly, emotions in turmoil once more. Sam was pregnant but had never told him. This could only mean one thing; that she had doubts about their baby and, perhaps, about having a baby at all. Was this the thing she'd confessed that they should have discussed before getting married? Not her career after all but that she didn't want kids?

Jack felt queasy. She'd just made love to him, lulling him into her arms, and now this revelation gave him doubts when there had been hope. It was a slap in the face after such a truly awesome and, he had believed, loving union. She had kept it from him, deceived him. He felt betrayed.

Continued in The Conversation Continues


	8. The Conversation Continues

Note about chapter replacement: This chapter has been replaced not because I have made any changes to the story but because a reader pointed out that I really should not write "The End" at the bottom of the fic unless I mean it - doh! Me brainless idiot sometimes. So thanks BookWorm37 wave!> for lending me your brain for a while. Clearly I needed it. Please forgive my senior moment. Needless to say this means more of this story will follow in due course.

Title: The Conversation Continues

Author: Su Freund

E-mail: See bio

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: Angst / Romance

Content Level: Age 13+

Content Warnings: Minor use of mild language and references to sex

Pairings: Jack & Sam

Season: 8/9

Spoilers: Threads and S8 in general, plus references to S9 spoiler rumours

Summary: Sam's revelation that she's pregnant causes more turmoil and doubt

Sequel/Series Info: Sequel to Changing Conversations

Status: Series

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2005 Su Freund

File Size: 82 KB

Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net

Art Credit: A totally wonderful and very hot photo manipulation of Jack created by grooni illustrates this fic on my site. I strongly recommend that Jack fans take a look. Hot means HOT! The cover was, as ever, made by Fulinn28. Grateful thanks to them both. Go to my site at the above address - link to fic/book cover on the front page. The original can be found in the Various Creator's Gallery.

Author's Note: Eternal thanks to Bonnie for beta reading this fic and her many helpful suggestions that improved it for the better.

**The Conversation Continues **

"You knew in Washington, didn't you?" His tone was accusatory.

"Yes." Sam felt ashamed.

"And you never told me. Christ Sam! How could you do that? Probably worse, you came back here, putting your life at risk, and our baby's life too."

Pain hit him again full-force and he pushed her away, rising from the bed as he spoke, and reaching for his t-shirt and pants and getting dressed. Sam sat up.

"No, Jack, never that. Never! I haven't been on any missions. I've only gone through the gate to the Alpha Site. Gate travel won't hurt the baby, we know that now."

Jack wasn't listening and Sam could see he was devastated.

"You should have told me, damn you!"

"I know. I'm so sorry."

"Sorry? You think that cuts it? You don't even want it, do you?"

Sam was hurt that he believed that. Jack was reeling from the shock, the implications. What should have been a joyful occasion seemed bittersweet.

"That's not true! How could you think that?"

"What am I supposed to think? You left me in Washington without saying a word about something that we should share, as if somehow my opinion doesn't count for anything. I'm your husband, the father, for crying out loud! I thought you respected me more than that."

In his anger and pain he so nearly questioned that fact, that he was the father of the child, but deep down he didn't truly believe that Sam had been unfaithful. In that respect, and many others, he trusted Sam implicitly, and it would have been his irrationality talking. If he snapped that accusation at her he would live to regret it and they might never recover, so he bit his tongue, pleased that he retained a modicum of good sense. He needed that now if they were going to survive this testing time in their marriage.

"Respect you? Of course I respect you. Dammit, Jack I don't believe you just said that. You know better, know me better."

"Yeah? So why the hell didn't you tell me? Wanted to be alone to make up your mind whether to get rid of it?"

His tone was harsh and he was trying hard to calm down but finding it difficult. He simply could not understand why she had kept such a momentous thing from her own husband, the father of her baby. Why would he? She hadn't explained it to him yet. Sam badly wanted and needed to do that, if he would ever give her the chance.

She was stung and angered by his words, but held her temper. She was the one in the wrong here, and she knew it. Jack had a right to be angry. He was still recovering from the pain she had caused by their hurtful parting, and now she had given him cause to feel hurt and bewildered all the more, just as things had been going so well between them again. She took a deep breath, thinking about her words before she spoke.

"I had my reasons, none of which had anything to do with not respecting or loving you, or whether or not I wanted to have this baby. Maybe they were foolish reasons, illogical reasons, but it all seemed so logical and reasonable when I came back here. I do want this baby, Jack, and never doubted that for one minute. Please don't ever believe I don't want it. This is our baby, yours and mine. You think that isn't important to me? You think I don't want to start a family with you? I do, I really do." She was sobbing, upset that she'd hurt him, "Jack I want you to be the father of my children. I love you, you'll be a great dad, and I couldn't make a better choice." Now, she got up, reaching out to him, but he shied away. "You have to believe me."

"Then what? You blame me for that too? You're upset at the change it will bring to our lives? You think you'll have to give your life to our child, that this is the end of the career, freedom, everything?"

"Stop! All of those things, Jack, and more. I know I should have told you. Let's just say I'm a little hormonal and that isn't helping me think straight, and hasn't been for weeks. My emotions are up and down like your damned yo-yo. Don't be angry. I'm scared, Jack, don't you understand?"

"Scared?"

That confession shocked him. Sam was scared? Why? She never seemed to be scared of anything much, so the declaration caught him off guard. He knew he had to listen to her, be reasonable and give her a chance to explain it all to him. Clearly she was upset, and so was he, but he'd had experience of the cussed unreasonableness that could go hand in hand with pregnancy, and the wayward hormones that were a part of it. This was only the beginning. He could be in for a bumpy ride.

Briefly, he reflected on Sara's pregnancy and some of the arguments that had invoked. It had been worth every single one of them and, in the end, had brought them closer together, not driven them apart. So he started to soften, thinking he'd probably misjudged her, too quick to leap to wrong conclusions, still too raw from their recent problems.

Sam sensed the change and could see his internal struggle as he took some deep breaths, fighting to control his emotions and biting back the anger that still dwelled inside; opening himself up to reason. Recognising that this was an important moment for them, their relationship and the rest of their lives, he decided that if Sam said she was scared then he really ought to pay attention.

Sighing deeply as if in resignation, he leaned against the bedroom wall and slid down it to a crouch on the floor. Maintaining his physical distance from Sam, he eyed his wife expectantly, waiting for her explanation. He tilted his head against his hand, as if to cock an ear to hear her words.

His t-shirt had ridden up to expose his abdomen. If Sam had been in a better frame of mind she might have considered how unintentionally sexy her husband was. Most of the time Jack wasn't even aware of the effect he had on her. Under normal circumstances she might have gulped back the sudden thud of her heart beneath her breast, and the flip of her stomach in appreciation, but these were not normal circumstances.

The pose did not go unnoticed by his wife, she recognised that she needed to seize the chance he was giving her, but the raw sexuality that radiated from Jack in that moment was lost amongst more pressing concerns – the desire to mend what had so recently been broken.

"Yes, scared, Jack. Is that so hard to believe?"

"No, I guess not. Okay, I'm listening. What are you scared of?"

"Everything. This changes it all."

She was right, of course, and he began to appreciate what had happened between them and why. Her life had changed beyond her ability to control it. She had wanted him to love her enough to make them stay together, while also wanting to wrest back control of her life. She misread his desire to make her happy, not realising that he loved her so much more than that, enough to let her go if it would make her happy.

Somehow, to her it all seemed to be his fault. Maybe it was, but she was confused and frightened, her hormones playing havoc. Her logical mind told her one thing while her hormones and doubt told her something else.

"I think I understand. A little, anyway," he said reassuringly. "What do you want to do? I'll support you whatever. You know that, right? I'll always be here for you."

"I want everything, but know I can't have it all. That's what's tearing me apart."

She walked over, crouching alongside him and taking his hand, stroking his arm with her other hand and staring into his soulful dark eyes as if her actions would give comfort, which they did. It seemed that Jack was coming back to her and she knew in that moment that he would understand and accept. Reason was restored and, although it might not always be apparent, Jack was a reasonable man.

"Come, lie down with me? Cuddle me?" Her tone was a plea.

He nodded and let her lead him back to their bed where they spooned together, with Jack holding her in his arms.

"Tell me what you mean by wanting everything, Sam," he whispered in her ear.

"I want this baby, very much. I want us to be perfect parents, raising perfect kids in a perfect world."

"I guess that might be asking a little too much, but we can do our best. I want the chance to do my best this time. It's all any of us can do."

"I know. I'm being unreasonable. See, there's the hormones."

"Sam, should we have done, well, what we've just done?"

Jack was trying to recall how it had been when Sara was pregnant with Charlie. It was such a long time ago and he had missed so much of it that he couldn't quite remember.

"You mean have sex? Sure. We just have to be careful, choose our position, you know? Particularly as I get bigger. But that's another thing, you hear that women go off sex, the baby is a distraction, all that. I don't want to lose what we had, Jack. I want it to be just the two of us, enjoying each other's company. I want us to continue having great sex. I want all of that too. We've only been together such a very short time. We need more time for ourselves."

Jack knew from experience that some of what she feared was true. Things change so completely when you have a child. A baby disturbs the previous balance of a relationship, but that doesn't mean it is a bad thing. He had to convince her of that.

"It may not be just the two of us, Sam, but that doesn't mean we won't be happy or great together. Of course, this changes everything, but it just evolves us into something different."

"But we were so special and now we'll just be like everyone else."

"No, you're wrong. We'll still be special. All three of us."

"That would be nice, Jack, but I'll grow fat and horrible and you won't want me anymore. I won't be special to you."

"Now that's just being downright silly. You'll always be special. Besides, I love pregnant women. It's incredibly sexy."

"It is?"

"Oh yeah! You really think I won't find you desirable anymore? You're kidding, right? Sam, you are a very beautiful woman, but I love you for you. I love what is inside of you."

"That's cute."

"If you say so. It's also true." He paused, giving her a gentle squeeze, "What else do you want, Sam?"

"To have the career, stay at the SGC, lead the team, go on missions, spend lots of time in the lab, and enjoy what I do."

"Why can't you have that?"

"With a baby?"

"A baby has two parents, not just one. You aren't alone, you know, I'm with you every step of the way. Okay, I realise there are some things I can't do without you, but there's plenty I can do."

"You're in Washington."

"I don't have to be. I'll come home. I want to come home. I can retire. I'll bring up the kid while you go out there and save our asses from those pesky alien guys."

"I told you, I don't want us to have to give it all up. Neither of us."

"Well you were right about not being able to have everything, but I would give it all up for this. I was considering doing that just for the two of us, but for three of us? Try stopping me."

He stroked her stomach, wondering how he hadn't noticed she'd put on a little weight. Too preoccupied, he guessed, engrossed in his pain and sorrow, and with good reason.

"I'm going to be a dad. Do you realise how much that means to me?"

"A little bit, I think. It means a lot to me to be a mom, too. See, I want to be the perfect mom. How can I do that and leave my baby at home everyday to do my job?"

"Millions of women do that, Sam."

"Millions of women haven't got a job like mine."

"Yeah, admittedly you're pretty unique. I'm so lucky. All those millions of women and I met you. And then it turns out that you love me. What are the odds of that, huh?"

He kissed her shoulder and neck and Sam turned around in his arms to face him.

"I think I'm the lucky one, Jack." He could see tears in her eyes and bent to kiss her eyelids.

"Don't cry."

"I can't help it. Damned hormones! I'm not used to being this emotional. So there's another thing."

"It kind of suits you, although I love you just the way you were."

"There, you see, and I'm changing Jack."

"You think I won't love you anymore? Is that something else that scares you?"

"Yes."

"That ain't gonna happen."

"How do you know? It happens to other folks."

"I just know. I'm not going to let that happen to us. We're special, remember?"

"I know you are, but I'm still just plain old Sam Carter."

There it was, a plain and simple truth. Sam didn't believe that she was special any more than Jack thought he was. It came as a revelation and he wondered why he'd never considered it before. He'd always believed that Sam was the special one and that he wasn't good enough for her. She obviously thought the same thing about him. It provided Jack with a wholly different perspective on their relationship. She was vulnerable, just like him.

"And I'm just ordinary old Jack O'Neill," he said, keeping those thoughts to himself, "You are anything but plain or old, Sam."

"And you're anything but ordinary."

"Hey, you forgot the old." He prodded her playfully, a smile on his lips.

"No, I didn't," she giggled.

"Ouch!"

"Just kidding. In no way are you old, Jack O'Neill. You are one sexy hunk of a man: super fit, athletic, handsome, gorgeous actually, courageous and intelligent. I love you."

"But?"

"There are no buts."

"There's always a but."

"Not this time."

"Cool!"

They lay together in silence for a while before Sam spoke again.

"Jack, I'm so sorry. I've been such a fool. I should have talked to you about this a while ago."

"Yes, you should, but we'll survive. We'll be okay. You never have to do anything alone again, Sam. Tell me about our baby."

"I'm around three months pregnant."

"Whoa! Three months? You don't look it. Three months?" he was surprised and pondered that for a short while, "So another six and I'm a dad again, huh?"

"Yes. You always were great at the math," she teased and he laughed.

"Is everything okay with the baby?" he asked on a more serious note.

"Yes, Jack. Everything's fine."

"Great, that's great. Sex?"

"We've just had some."

"Oh, very funny, Sam. Isn't that my kind of lame joke?"

"Yeah, well you've taught me too well." She said with a grin and he cocked an eyebrow, trying to look innocent as if saying "Me? You're kidding, right?"

"I don't know the baby's sex yet," Sam continued, "Do we want to know? I'm not sure if I want to. Do you mind what sex it is?"

"God, no! I just wondered. I'm happy to be surprised. Boy, girl. I'll love him or her whatever. Have you got a photo? You know, from a scan or something?"

"I got one, yes. I'll show you. I'll go get…"

"Later. Later will be okay." He wanted to keep talking, keep bringing them back together. "I'd like to see it. I'd like to hear it. I want to be there, Sam, for every appointment, scan, whatever. Can I be there?"

"Jack, you're the father, and my husband, of course I want you to be there."

"I've missed too much already."

"I'm so sorry."

She was, indeed, very sorry. Sam knew how much fatherhood would mean to Jack and yet she had shut him out of it altogether. Her own selfish concerns had caused her to push him away. She regretted that, but what was the point of regret?

All she could do now was make it up to him as much as possible. They had to move on with their lives and she wanted to move on with him, not without him. She wanted to be happy again and, despite her fears, knew Jack was a huge part of what would make her happy. She loved him so much that sometimes she wondered if it was too much.

Jack said nothing, a little upset that she hadn't told him before. He had sworn that, if and when Sam got pregnant, he would be there for everything. He had been powerless to do that when Sara was pregnant and had missed so much of it. Sam peered at his face, aware that he was upset.

"Jack, I really am sorry. How could I hurt you like that? How could I shut you out of something so important?"

"I know you're sorry. Yes, it hurts, Sam. It hurts that you didn't trust me enough to tell me; that you kept your fears a secret. Just don't shut me out anymore, right? I need to be there for this. Do you understand?"

"Yes. It wasn't anything to do with trust. I trust you completely Jack. Totally. You shouldn't believe I don't trust you anymore than you should believe I don't want this baby. I've just been scared and confused, that's all. I thought I should work it out on my own, but I was wrong. Maybe I'm just too used to being alone. Living together, marriage, it's such a huge adjustment. You've done it before and I haven't.

"Anyway, whatever stupid reasons I had, in reality I needed you to help me but I couldn't see that. I was too blinded by my own confused feelings to think about yours. It was selfish and cruel. You're my husband, the love of my life, and I want us to do this together. Tell me you believe that."

Jack peered at her silently and her lips briefly caressed his while her thumb gently stroked his cheek.

"Okay, I believe it." Staring into her eyes, he asked, "Am I really the love of your life?"

"Yes."

"That's pretty cool." A grin cracked his face wide open and he kissed her.

"Will you forgive me?" she asked.

"Sam, I love you. We can't live without forgiveness. I'll forgive you if you'll forgive me."

"Forgive you for what?"

"For whatever it was I did wrong. For all the things that made you scared and reluctant to talk to me about what was going on."

"I just told you, that was my fault."

"Was it? Maybe, or maybe the blame needs to be shared. I don't know. All I know is that we need to be together now. We need each other."

"Yes, Jack, I do need you."

"Me too."

Although he had been upset and angry, gone through emotional turmoil, now what Jack felt was a contentment that was dispersing those negative feelings. Sam loved him, needed him and was pregnant. He couldn't ask for anything more than that. He figured that his nightmares might fade again now. Life was getting back to normal, or his kind of normal.

Things had been difficult for the last few weeks or so. He believed that what had happened between he and Sam provided the opportunity for the nightmares to plague him again. They'd seen misery and self-torment and fed on that to make themselves stronger.

The worst, and ironic, thing was that she hadn't been there to hold him and help him make them go away. When they woke him up, he was alone, and empty, with nothing but the nightmares for company. Once upon a time he'd been used to that, but not since Sam. He had missed that so much: Sam holding him, comforting him, calming him, crying along with him and wiping away his tears. He shook those thoughts away with steely determination.

"Have I waited too long, Jack? Am I too old for this?" Sam nuzzled at her husband's neck, needing some reassurance and he gave her a comforting squeeze.

"You're not too old, honey. Is that bothering you too?"

"It worries me sometimes, I guess. That and we've been through so much shit over the years. No one really knows how everything that's happened might affect a baby."

"No one's given any indication anything's wrong, right?" he asked and Sam shook her head. "Sam, lots of women your age have perfectly healthy babies, don't they? Women that are way older than you, too. You've got nothing to worry about. You're probably a lot fitter and healthier than most of those women." He kissed her brow affectionately, "I can't deny you've been through a lot of crap, we all have, but you've always been given a clean bill of health."

"You think I'm overreacting?"

"I don't think you've got anything to worry about, but you aren't overreacting. That's normal, a symptom of pregnancy. Oy! I guess we'd better get used to it."

Sam chuckled, her mood lightened considerably by her husband's reassurances and support and they snuggled together quietly for a while until Jack spoke.

"So I guess when I go back to Washington I'd better sort it out pretty damned fast," he said, "I want to come back here real quick. Come back here and be with my wife and our future child. Maybe become a house husband and look after our baby when it's born so you can go universe trotting and get on with your career."

"A house husband? Are you serious?"

"Sure."

"Jack…!"

"I'm just saying it's an option. Not such a bad one, actually. You think I wouldn't want to do that? Sam, you are giving me the one thing in this universe that I might have wished for apart from you. You said it yourself, someone has to look after our baby."

"You'd really do that?"

"I just said so, didn't I? There might be other options. We'll talk about it some more when I know what those are, okay? I'm not letting you give up or spoil your work, or your career. No way!"

"Okay, we'll talk about it. Promise?"

"Yes, I promise. I'm not risking a repeat of this, Sam. Not our marriage, our love, nothing. It's too important and you are too important to me."

She softly stroked his face, wondering how she had managed to marry such a wonderful guy. What a very lucky woman she was to have this man in her life. He really would give it all up for her. Not many women could say that. She didn't want him to have to and hoped there might be a compromise solution that would suit them both.

For all his outward cockiness, and both inner and outer strength, Jack was insecure in so many ways, and Sam knew it. She also knew that her love, and their relationship, had helped lessen those insecurities, but over the last couple of weeks she'd done nothing but bring them all back to him. She hated herself for that. What had she done? Had she wrecked this wonderful thing they had together? She sincerely hoped not and vowed to make it up to him, believing she was already doing so.

Jack might think he was a liberated man, and in many ways he was, but he still liked to be the man; that meant be strong, protect, and try not to show his weaknesses. He was, however, coming round and revealing himself to her in a gradual kind of way. The insecurity was so obvious when you looked closely. Many people never bothered to look that close, but Sam did. She was his wife and loved him to pieces.

She pondered Jack's protective and self sacrificing nature, wondering whether loving someone so much that you would die in her place, which he would, or would rather die with her than without her, which he also would, was a weakness. If so, Jack was a very weak man indeed. In her opinion, of course, this was one of his strengths and one she had seen amply demonstrated during their years on SG-1.

How could she ever have doubted him? A surge of emotion ran through her at the thought and she fought to control it, struggling to keep her voice even and light-hearted.

"General Jack O'Neill, retired; house husband, huh? It has a ring to it," she said.

"Yeahsureyabetchya. I'll get cards printed," they both chuckled, "I'd probably love it."

"You might not like the mush for brains that motherhood apparently brings."

"That's surely something to do with the hormones. There's one thing I can't do for you, Sam, carry your hormones."

"I think being stuck at home all day with only a baby for company makes them mush, as well as the hormones."

"Well, as my brains couldn't get any mushier, I'm pretty safe." Jack joked and Sam giggled. "Besides, stuck at home, you're kidding, right? I can go to all those clinics and mother/baby groups and stuff. Just think of all those pregnant and hormonal women I'll have for company. Ummmm…" He smiled dreamily, exaggerating his reaction to amuse her.

"Just make sure they don't become too close, mister," she kidded.

"As if… There's only one woman I want and she's right here."

"You'd better believe it!" Sam grinned and he returned the smile, but quickly turned more serious.

"You'd better believe it too. Never scare me like that again, Sam. I might have lost you. I've been so unhappy for the last few weeks."

"Me too. I'm so pleased you came. I really wished for you to. I wanted you to come here and tell me how much you love and need me, and sweep me off my feet."

"Hormones!" he commented, rolling his eyes, adding, "I did all that, didn't I?"

The question in his eyes held way more significance than the words on his lips, as if he needed reassurance that he'd met her needs.

"Yes you did all that; and more. Are we okay?"

"Yes, Sam, we're okay. We're great, and we're gonna stay great. We're gonna be the best parents in the world, just like you want to be."

"I'm beginning to believe that. With you, anything seems possible, Jack."

"That's one heck of a compliment." He blushed a tinge of pink and looked a little boyish.

"Well, I'm lucky enough to be married to one heck of a guy."

"Sweet!"

Jack was back to cocky again. Sam thought she'd never known so many different facets in just one, so called, simple man. So far, she loved nearly all of them, although there were the more irritating traits that she tried not to let irk her too much. Who doesn't have those?

They hugged with huge affection, happy to be together and at ease in each other's arms again. Jack felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders; they both did.

Sam was pissed with herself that she hadn't spoken to him about all of this before. He was there for her and she should have known he would be; she should have kept faith. It might have saved so much misery for both of them.

'I'm only human,' she thought, 'we both are. Nothing and no one is perfect and I'm a fool to even think that it might be, but this is pretty damned close to perfect. I love him so much, and I don't deserve him.'

"I love you Jack," she said aloud, feeling the need to reassure him of her feelings, "and I am so in love with you. You still make my heart skip a beat when you walk into the room, do you know that?" Jack smiled crookedly, thrilled by the compliment.

"I do now. Same here, Samantha."

He kissed her with a passion that, as ever, expressed those feelings in so much more than words, his fingers caressing her gently as he tongue explored her mouth.

"So, six months and it will be Mr and Mrs O'Neill, and son, or daughter… three of us." He sighed wistfully.

"Four actually." Sam said, teasingly.

"Four?" he gulped.

"Oh, didn't I tell you? It's twins!" Seeing the shocked look on his face, she quickly added, "Only kidding!"

"Gee, that's some sense of humor you got there Mrs. O'Neill."

He was relieved. He could have lived with twins, of course, but imagined that two of the same age would be more than merely two handfuls. That might be tough.

"Yeah? I get it from an ex-CO of mine. It kind of rubbed off on me over the years."

"Damned nerve!" He swiped her playfully. "If you weren't pregnant, I'd tickle you in penance. Now I'm gonna have to think of other suitable punishments. It's so not fair." He frowned and pouted, bottom lip stuck out like a recalcitrant schoolboy.

"You could tickle me a little."

"Ya think?"

"Just don't get too rough. Actually I quite enjoy it."

"You do? Spoil my fun, why don't you woman?" he kidded and started to tickle her gently.

Her words about not being rough brought back a bad memory and he had to speak. This seemed to be truth time, after all, although he was reluctant to get the conversation back on the serious track, given they seemed so normal again with their easy bantering. He had to get everything out of his system.

"Sam, that night in Washington, before you left, when you made me screw you so hard it hurt, I could have harmed our baby. You should never have made me do that. You knew you were pregnant then, didn't you?" She nodded, ashamed. "Why?"

"I know it was stupid. I wanted you to hurt me, and I wanted to hurt you Jack. Don't ask me why. There isn't any logic to it."

"If it was your aim to hurt me, you succeeded. I needed… I needed affection, not sex."

"So did I really. I was confused. You were so great about the idea that I wanted to come back here. You wanted me to make my own choices and I love that you respect me like that, Jack, but I was also upset that you didn't beg me to stay, that you didn't declare your undying love and need for me, that you didn't try harder but were just willing to let me go on without you. So I wanted to hurt you, and make it easier to leave. Hormones I guess. Well I'm blaming them, anyway. It gives me some sort of excuse for being such a prime idiot."

"Sam, you've got my undying love. I can't imagine my life without you in it and I don't want to. The last couple of weeks forced me to think about that. They were pretty miserable and lonely thoughts." He paused, unsure what to say next, "I wish you understood that I love you enough to let you go if that's what you need, however much that hurts me."

Sam stared at him silently for a long time without saying anything, absentmindedly twirling his short grey hair in her fingers.

"Jeez, Jack, I don't want you to let me go. You already tried that once, when Pete and I… Look where that got us. Neither of us were really happy. I never wanted you to let go then, and I don't now. I want you to hold onto me as tightly as you possibly can. I've been pretty miserable without you around too. You are a big part of my life as well, you know?" She smiled softly, tenderly kissing his forehead.

"I'm just sayin'. I just need you to know how I feel."

"Okay. I want to know, Jack. You don't open up so often that I want to miss that opportunity when you do."

Jack smiled at that comment. He realised that his normal reticence to confide his thoughts and feelings must be frustrating for her, but she could be the same.

"I tell you more than I've ever told anyone. You know me better than anybody. I know I must be really annoying; women like to think men will tell them everything, but I do the best I can. Sometimes I just can't."

"I do understand, Jack, really I do. I can be as bad as you."

"You got that right!"

She was silent again, staring into his eyes and waiting for him to reveal more if he was willing to. She saw both pain and happiness in those dark brown depths and wondered how the two lived side by side.

"I haven't been sleeping well since you came here," he declared, finally.

"Nightmares?"

Jack nodded and she enfolded him in her arms and held him close, giving him a consoling squeeze.

"I'm sorry if I was the cause of those, Jack. I should have been there." He snorted in response.

"If you had been they might never have come back. It's been pretty bad, but they'll go away again now."

"Are you saying I help keep them away?"

"Yes, I guess I am."

"I'm glad."

"I really missed you being there just to hold me, Sam. I felt so alone."

His voice sounded bereft, as if all of those feelings had come flooding back, so Sam pulled back to look at him and he saw moisture forming in her eyes.

"Hey, don't get upset," he said, his thumb tracing under her eyes, "that's not why I'm telling you this. I just wanted you to know, that's all. I don't want to upset you, honey. Please Sam."

Sam sniffed, smoothing his cheek with a finger, and he smiled at her. It was a happy smile, and the happiness reached his eyes, driving the pain she had seen there away, at least temporarily. Breaking free of his black thoughts, Jack good-humouredly ruffled her hair.

"So," he said, changing the subject, "do you think we should get up, Mrs. O'Neill? Get dinner or something? Got any cravings that your loving husband can help you satisfy?" His grin broadened.

"I've got some cravings for a certain tall, handsome, grey haired, Air Force General I know. How about that?"

"That describes half the Generals in the Air Force. The other half is short, fat and balding." Sam laughed.

"It only describes one of them to me."

"Really? Anything more you can tell me about this guy so I can narrow it down?"

"Are you fishing?"

"Hell, yeah!"

"Brave and daring."

"I don't know any Generals like that." Sam laughed again, her eyes twinkling with mirth.

"Sexy and cute."

"Generals so aren't sexy, Sam, and they certainly aren't cute. Ewww!" he turned his nose up at the notion.

"This one is. He's also loving, generous and understanding."

"You did say Air Force General, right?" he winked, "Since when have Generals had any of those traits?"

"This one does."

"Does he indeed? Sounds like a paragon."

"Well, I wouldn't go that far."

"Shucks! I guess I should quit while I'm ahead."

"How wise. Oh, wise, did I mention wise?"

"Wise? Huh! Now that's kind of funny."

"Intelligent, bright, brilliant?"

"That sounds more like you than any General I know," he was chuckling, enjoying the game.

"Witty. He makes me laugh."

"Oh yeah? Now that I can relate to."

Sam nuzzled into Jack's neck, giving him a gentle bite.

"I am hungry. Pizza, I'd love pizza. Double cheese and pepperoni," she said.

"Ummm… sounds good."

"I want pizza and I want to eat it in bed, with you right next to me eating yours."

"Sounds even better, but don't pregnant women suffer from indigestion?" he teased.

"I don't care, I want it anyway."

"Okay, I'll go order. How about a drink? Diet coke?"

Sam smiled and nodded and Jack made a move to get up, but she pulled him back.

"Quick kiss?" she asked.

"Anything my pregnant wife wants, she gets," he replied, obliging with a short sweet kiss and briefly running his hands through her hair before getting up.

"Jack!" she screeched a little too shrilly as he reached the door. He turned quickly, thinking something was wrong. "Ice cream. Chocolate ice cream." Jack grinned, relieved.

"I can live with cravings for pepperoni pizza and chocolate ice-cream, by the way. They are definitely my kind of cravings," he said as he ducked out of the door.

Sam sat back, a huge smile on her face. Everything was going to be fine. Oddly enough, as he padded along the hallway to make the call, Jack was thinking precisely the same thing.

To be continued


	9. Different Conversations

Title: Different Conversations

Author: Su Freund

E-mail: See bio

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: Angst / Romance

Content Level: 13+

Content Warnings: References to sex and use of mild language

Pairings: Jack & Sam

Season: 9

Spoilers: Threads and S8 in general, plus references to S9 spoiler rumours

Summary: Jack is thrilled by Sam's pregnancy and looking forward to fatherhood again, but is he being too over protective of his wife and unborn child?

Sequel/Series Info: Sequel to The Conversation Continues

Status: Series

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2005 Su Freund

Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net

Art Credit: An amazingly wonderful artwork of Jack illustrates this fic and was created by Rosenrot. A must see for Jack fans and I owe her my thanks. Also thanks to Fulinn28 who created the marvellous book cover from Tanja's original artwork. See the book cover on my site at the address above or the original in the Various Creators Gallery

Author's Note: Thanks to all of you who sent such great feedback on about this fic and are still wanting more. And special thanks to Bonnie for beta reading this fic and pointing out the error of my ways.

**Different Conversations **

They ate pizza in bed, feeding it to each other playfully, almost as if nothing untoward had just happened in their tumultuous lives. Jack drank beer and managed to spill some all over the two of them whilst gesticulating wildly to emphasise a point.

'That's so Jack!' Sam thought, bursting into hysterical laughter and spluttering her diet coke everywhere.

It was a sticky mess that required a shower, which they happily took together, interspersed by affectionate kisses and lots of delicious massage. Jack insisted on making the bed, telling Sam that pregnant women shouldn't exert themselves, and Sam rolled her eyes, wondering how much of a fuss Jack was going to make of her during this pregnancy and how she would cope with an over enthusiastic and besotted Jack O'Neill.

Later, she was amazed to find that she had underestimated him. It turned out that he made lots of fuss, of course, which could exasperate her, but he seemed to love almost everything about her pregnancy, including her, and how could she not adore him for that? Meanwhile, however, she had a pretty good idea of what might lay in store for the next few months and suspected that, as she grew bigger, so would Jack's over protectiveness. She was right about that.

That night, however, after their shower, they sat on the couch and Sam showed him the scan photograph. Jack was suitably excited and animated as a man who was in love with the notion of becoming a father again should be.

"Our baby. Wow!" he grinned, staring at the photo in silence while Sam watched his face.

He had such an expressive face, a handsome, but careworn, face. That face had been in her life for many years and she loved every contour, from his high cheekbones, to his thin lips, dimpled chin and dark, glistening eyes. She kissed the nose that so perfectly adorned that face and he turned to look at her.

"She looks just like you." The smile plastered on his face for the last few minutes broadened into a grin.

"I think he looks like you," she laughed.

"You think it's a he?"

"I don't know. I have a hunch. Would you like another son, Jack?" She watched him carefully.

"Baseball, hockey, fatherly advice about women. Sure, I'd like another son, Sam, but a daughter would be good too. I never had one of those. You think I want a son?"

"I don't know."

"I told you, I don't mind. Doesn't have to be baseball. I'll take her to ballet classes instead."

"She might like hockey."

"Not if she takes after mom." Hockey simply was not Sam's thing.

"I bet she'd love hockey because you do."

"Daughters and fathers. It definitely appeals."

Jack wandered into a daydream like state, a small secretive smile on his face as he considered the prospect. He truly did not mind about the gender of his future child and envisaged that future with either. Although he had missed a lot of Charlie's life, he remembered so much; all the big stages of life in a child, and some of the smaller ones; the things they used to do together.

Sam watched his face for a while with her own secret smile, admiring his handsome profile and wondering what was going on in that complicated head. He looked so peaceful, lost in thought, and she didn't disturb him for a long while, happy to simply observe.

Her fears about the baby still lurked deep down, but Jack had helped lessen them and she was starting to realise that all new mothers to be probably had such fears. Sam felt happy, back with her husband, as it should be, and looking forward to that day when they would become a proper family.

She berated herself for imagining Jack would be unsympathetic and dismissive, knowing she should have given him a chance before leaping to conclusions about her husband. They had known each other for a lot of years, but it seemed she was still getting to know the real man behind the mask of General Jack O'Neill.

There were feelings and doubts that remained unexpressed, about him and their relationship, and their baby, but she was reassured by his confidence and tenderness. With still so much to decide, she was not as concerned about it now. Everything would work out. Jack had said so and she believed him. She loved that he was so happy and was determined to put the last few weeks firmly into the past, hoping he would too.

"Penny for them?" she asked eventually.

"Huh?" Jack was startled by her words, "sorry I was miles away." He smiled, turning to face her. "What were we talking about? The baby obviously. Doh!" he slammed his fist into his forehead in a passable impersonation of his dubious hero, Homer Simpson.

"What were you thinking?" she asked.

"Just stuff."

"Stuff?"

"You know, baby stuff, kid stuff."

"Care to share?"

"I was thinking about Charlie. Good things, Sam!" he added hastily. "I was remembering all those great things about when he was a baby, watching him change, become a real person, all the things we did as he grew up."

"Like?"

"The first time he smiled at me for instance. Jeez, I thought I loved him so much already, but my heart just about burst with love at that moment. First time I saw him walk too. That was one of the few times I was actually around to see the first time of anything he did; his first steps."

He could remember it as if it was yesterday. It was a sunny day and he was in the back yard. Sara was weeding, with Charlie playing on a blanket by her side. Jack approached his son, squatting, and Charlie smiled that gummy grin that babies have, bobbing his arms up and down excitedly. Jack held out his open arms and said "Come to poppa, Charlie, let me give you a great big hug," and Charlie got up, balanced himself almost perfectly and tottered towards his dad.

"Sara… Sara!" Jack cried out with urgency, and his wife had turned from her work, wide eyed when she saw what was going on, a huge smile on her face. As she watched, Charlie tottered, loosing his balance and falling. Jack scooped their son up into his arms and she joined them in a mutual hug.

"Wow, Jack, that was amazing. Charlie loves his daddy, don't you Charlie?"

As if to demonstrate it, Charlie turned his face to his father's and kissed his cheek, and then laughed, and Jack's heart melted into a puddle at the pit of his stomach.

Before they had Charlie, Jack never realised what a depth of feeling one human being could have for another. He loved Sara, but his feelings for Charlie were in a whole other ballpark in a galaxy far, far away. What people said about unconditional love was so true, although the often ceaseless crying and diaper changing, the everyday chores that made for raising a baby, could give a lie to that statement. Now he had all of that to look forward to again, both the good and the bad. He looked at Sam and continued speaking.

"I missed way too much, but I loved what I got. This time it's gonna be different. I want to share everything."

"Its going to be so great, Jack. I get to watch you be the best father in the world," she said, and Jack hoped that was true because, in the end, he believed that he'd made a pretty bad job of it the first time around.

"I wish…" he looked kind of wistful and Sam saw a sadness pass over his face.

"Don't think about the bad things," she urged, stroking his cheek

"That can be tough sometimes."

"Bad things can happen Jack but we can't live our lives thinking like that. Tell me what else you were thinking."

"Okay. Tobogganing in fresh snow. Pushing him on a swing. Taking him to a theme park or the State Fair. That kind of stuff."

"Cute stuff."

"Sure, cute stuff," he smiled, "you know, Sam, having a baby is a really incredible thing. You can't know how incredible until it happens. You can't even imagine how you're going to feel. They are so small and vulnerable and all you want to do it hold them in your arms, take good care of them and love them, no holds barred."

Sam said nothing, simply taking one of Jack's hands in hers and fondling his fingers. Jack lifted the hand, brushing it with his lips.

"I'll do okay as a mom, won't I Jack?"

"Sure you will honey."

"I have so much to learn."

"So do all first time moms, Sam. I'll be there every step of the way."

"Do you know what to do?"

"Does anyone?"

"I mean change diapers, all of that."

"It'll come back to me."

Jack put his arm around her shoulder and she nestled her head into his neck, feet tucked up behind her.

"If it's a boy, what do you want to call him? Given it any thought yet?" she asked out of the blue.

"We want to think about names already? I only just found out you're pregnant, Sam, give me a break here. Have you?"

"I've tried to avoid it but it doesn't hurt to make an early start."

"Alright then. Easy answer. Jacob. We should call him Jacob."

Jack thought Sam would be pleased at that suggestion so was surprised by her response.

"You really think so? I know you probably think I will go all gooey eyed at the idea, and that you suggested it for my sake, but isn't that a little clichéd?"

"Couldn't be named after a better man, Sam. It's a good name." He stared at her a little shocked. "I thought…"

"And that's sweet of you, but I don't want to name this baby as a memorial."

"So Janet's out if it's a girl then?"

"Is that what you were going to suggest?"

Jack shrugged, looking slightly perturbed.

"Only because I thought it would please you, honey."

"I know," she kissed his cheek, "and I don't mean to put you down, but naming kids after dead family and friends is just not what I want. I want something fresh and new, at least for us. If you weren't called Jonathan I might have suggested that, it's a lovely name, but I hate that too. Sons named after their father, daughters after their mother. Ack!"

"You sure are full of surprises, Mrs O'Neill."

"Am I? Is that good?"

"When they're pleasant surprises, yes, it's good."

"Is that a pleasant surprise?"

"To be honest, yes."

"So you haven't got your heart set on Jacob or Janet?"

"Not really."

"You would rather we didn't then?"

"Umm…" Jack reddened, "yes."

He was beginning to regret suggesting it until Sam snuggled up to him, saying how much she loved him for it. She was moved that he had been willing to give their child a name he wasn't necessarily happy with because he thought she would want it.

"Maybe we should wait?" he asked, "we can discuss it if you like, but I'm betting that once the baby is born he or she will tell us it's name."

"Is that what happens?"

"Kind of. It's what happened with Charlie. Sure Sara and I went through lots of name ideas, and I bet we will too, but we never made up our minds until after he was born. I think kids are born with their name and it's when parents refuse to see it and call it something else anyway that the name doesn't fit."

"Okay, I'll buy that. It's s-so sweet." She kissed him tenderly.

"I'm getting into bad habits. It's all your fault."

Sam chuckled and Jack turned to kiss her forehead.

"I hope he's handsome, smart, strong and brave, just like his dad."

"I hope she's beautiful and brainy, just like her mom. Though two geniuses in the house could spell trouble. You'd run rings around me."

"But we'd both adore you."

"That would be cool. I'd dote on you too. Whatever the sex, this child is going to be spoiled rotten, you know that, don't you?"

"You are a big softie, General O'Neill."

"Dang, you found out? How'd you guess?" He looked at the photo again. "God, Sam, we're having a baby." Jack was over-awed already. "I can't see a third leg. Must be a girl," he kidded.

"Jack! You couldn't see that with the baby in that position."

"I guess not."

Not long after that Sam drifted off to sleep, propped against Jack. He caressed her lovingly, unwilling to move and wake her unless his body told him he needed to. When Sam awoke in the early hours, it was to the strains of Jack snoring peacefully, his arms enfolding her, and she smiled.

When Jack returned to Washington and laid it on the line he was called to see the President, who insisted that he couldn't afford to lose the O'Neill expertise so he would not accept his resignation. Jack argued a little half heartedly and then came out with it straight.

"So what's in it for me?" he asked.

"In it for you?" countered Hayes, stunned by the question.

"Yeah, if you want me to stay on, what am I getting for it? I want to spend more time with my wife and support her through this pregnancy. I don't want to miss a thing. No way! And I'm certainly not risking my marriage for God and country. I don't owe anything anymore because I've already paid, in full. So what do I get out of it?"

"Are you talking money, promotion… what?"

Hayes couldn't quite believe the downright gall of the man sitting in front of him. Only Jack O'Neill… the man could be a whole heap of trouble, but was worth it. His country still needed him and, more to the point, so did Hayes.

"Money or promotion? You're kidding, right… Mr President."

Jack added the latter to show a modicum of deference to his Commander in Chief, but was almost past caring. What were they going to do, clap him in irons?

"What do you want, Jack?"

Hayes settled back and stared Jack in the eye, waiting for a response. The Hayes stare could be unsettling and had won him many an encounter, but the General just stared right on back, not looking in the least discomforted. Instead, it was the President who shifted awkwardly in his seat, but he continued to maintain the eye lock.

"I want to spend way more time in Colorado. I want to be there for as many of Sam's medical appointments as is humanly possible. I want to be there when the baby is born, even if the whole universe is falling apart."

"Is that all?"

"All? Isn't it enough, at least until the baby is born? " he sure hoped Sam would think so.

"And what about after?"

"I want to be there to see my baby growing up. I don't want to be a part-time father who spends all his hours at work."

"And if I can't resolve these pesky little issues for you? What then?"

"I guess I could go AWOL; ask Uncle Thor to beam us up and take us away from all this."

"I wouldn't put it past you Jack, although your wife might not agree."

Hayes grinned and Jack wondered if his teeth were about to sink into the O'Neill butt. He had to admit that the President had a point, but continued to stubbornly meet Hayes' piercing eyes. This was a man used to getting his own way, by persuasion or coercion, and he wondered which way Hayes would leap. They sat silently regarding each other like two bulls in the same field about to lock horns, and Hayes eventually broke the deadlock.

"Okay. We can work something out. I'll get you an office and staff in Colorado," Hayes offered, taking Jack by surprise. "You can spend half the week there and half here although you will still need to continue to go to Antarctica, and all those other places as usual. And, like anyone else in the US Air Force, you are on call and when I do call I expect you to come running, is that understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Jack I know you'll do your duty, much more than just your duty, and you won't let me down. If I didn't trust you to do a good job we wouldn't be having this conversation. If there's a crisis, I need you more than your wife does. I can't endanger this country, or planet, because one of my Generals has to get home to his wife, is that understood?" Jack nodded, "I will make sure there is cover for you when you aren't there, and I'll get you to that birth even if I have to move mountains to do it. Do we understand each other?"

"Yes, Mr President. I would never let you down, sir."

"I'll have your ass in a sling if you do, Jack. We'll just have to see how it works out. If it doesn't, I can and will revoke our little arrangement."

He eyeballed Jack to ensure he knew who was in charge, and Jack remained expressionless but a slight nod of his head indicated acquiescence. He didn't have a lot of options and it was more than he had hoped or dreamed for, so silence seemed the sensible course. Satisfied, Hayes continued.

"One of my people will sort out the details with you. Have we got a deal?"

"Yes Mr President."

Hayes nodded and got up, walking to his intercom.

"Is the car ready for General O'Neill?" he asked and when the answer was in the affirmative, Jack was hurriedly ushered out of the Oval office as another visitor was ushered in.

When Jack reported this conversation to Sam she was dumbfounded.

"I-I don't know what to say!" she exclaimed.

"Me neither. I didn't expect that to happen. Don't quite know what I did expect, but not that. I guess me and the Pres will have to see how it all pans out. And you, of course, my darling."

For the most part it worked pretty well. Sometimes he took work home and sat with Sam while he wended his way through it, a couple of SFs on duty outside to guard the national secrets. Sometimes they might not see each other for a week or more because of pressing business, and at other times they were together way too much and it could lead to conflict.

Generally speaking, they managed. Sam grew bigger, and often crankier, and Jack's awe continued to grow right along with it. He was attentive, loving, kind, and frequently gave her the most wonderful back rubs ever created by mankind, for which she was truly grateful.

He was also mainly stoic about Sam's moods and constantly concerned for her welfare. Sometimes they fought about it, with Sam trying to assert her independence and get him to stop fussing, but they were rarely big fights. There was one heck of a humdinger, however, and it had more repercussions than they even realised.

It happened one day when Jack was fussing around Sam like a mother hen, trying to get her to sit and take it easy. She snapped.

"Stop it, you're driving me crazy!"

"Sam!"

"I mean it Jack. You're suffocating me. I might be having a child, but I'm not one! You're treating me as if I were. You follow me around like some lovelorn puppy dog, watching over my every move, making me eat sensibly when I don't want to, sit down when I want to get on with things, forcing me into inactivity. I wish you'd stop! I don't even get any privacy anymore!"

"I'm only looking after the welfare of my wife and child," he countered defensively, hurt by both her tone and words.

"Yeah? Well stop. Don't touch me!" she shrieked as he reached to try calming her, and he sprung back as if stung.

"Sam…"

"Don't Sam me you stupid son of a bitch!" her use of that particular turn of phrase shocked him, "You can be such an asshole, Jack O'Neill. Sometimes I damned well hate you! Why the hell did I even marry you? I must have been nuts!"

Jack was stunned into silence, and stood perfectly still, staring at his wife in disbelief for a while before turning on his heel and stomping out, angry and distressed at her harsh words.

Sam was way too worked up to realise what she'd said at first and by the time she did it was too late. As she rushed out of the house after him, all she saw was the screeching wheels of his truck as he drove off like a maniac. He didn't come back that night and Sam was frantic, calling Daniel, who rushed to her aid.

"He hasn't called you?" she asked.

"You really think he would in these circumstances?" Daniel eyed her curiously.

"He might. He talked to you last time we had a problem."

"That was different. He didn't talk to me when it all first happened. He let it simmer on the O'Neill back burner for a while until it had stewed long enough for him to be desperate. That's what he's like, Sam, you know that. Jeez, sometimes you are just plain nasty, you know that?"

"Daniel…"

"Look, I'm friends with you both and that makes me piggy in the middle, an unenviable task that someone else is welcome to take off my hands, if anyone is crazy enough to take on the job. Sometimes it just seems you deliberately set out to hurt him. Exactly, how do you expect him to react if you say something like that to him? You hate him? You shouldn't have married him?

"You know Jack. He always thought he wasn't good enough for you, Sam, and never understood why you wanted him or loved him. His personal worst nightmare is probably that you'll wake up someday and realise what a huge mistake you made. He's kind of expecting that to happen. To him, it probably just happened."

"I don't know why I said something so stupid. The words just seemed to come out of my mouth. I was so angry; he was driving me crazy, fussing around me all the time. I have never regretted marrying him, Daniel. I love him; he'll never understand how much."

"I know that. It's him you should be telling."

"Where the heck could he have gone? He's not answering his cell. He left like a bat out of hell. What if he's had an accident? Oh, Daniel, what have I done?"

Sam was distraught. Daniel was right about her; she was horrible to Jack sometimes. What drove her to do that? Was she still so scared of that commitment? She'd married him, hadn't she? So she had committed to him; heart and soul, his always. Surely he must know that's how she felt about him? It seemed that even her own subconscious mind didn't always recognise that, so how could Jack?

What was her subconscious trying to tell her? That she hadn't been ready for all of this? Sam knew she had some issues. She'd kept her heart caged up way too long and then she had seemingly committed it to entirely the wrong man, and not for the first time. Those were false commitments, but this one was very real. What was wrong with her? Was she secretly desperate to wreck their marriage? She didn't like the notion that she was on a countdown to self-destruct.

"What do I do? Tell me what to do Daniel," she pleaded after she revealed those thoughts to him.

"Find him and tell him everything you just said to me."

"If we can find him."

"He's a General, Sam, and can never be too far away from a phone. He has duties. No matter how he feels, he won't abandon those. I'll call the SGC."

Jack hadn't been there, nor had he called in, but he wasn't expected until the following day. Daniel rang around a few places, trying to find him, but didn't. Then he hit upon the idea of getting someone in the SGC to call him.

When Jack heard it was Daniel trying to reach him, he knew exactly why. He wasn't ready to talk about it to either Daniel or Sam. He was too busy alternating between seething angrily and licking his wounds. Lying in a flea bag of a motel outside of Colorado Springs, where he would never be found if he didn't want to be, Sam's words kept replaying in his head and tormenting him.

When he drove away from their home he'd almost been numb, too shocked by her hurtful words, but once they had time to kick in properly, he pulled over to a liquor store, bought a bottle of scotch and drove off to find a bolt hole to hide away in and drink it.

That's what he was doing now, intent on drinking every last drop and getting as drunk as a skunk. He downed one after another, and was brought back to himself only briefly when his cell rang and he saw it was the SGC calling. Up until then he'd ignored it. Sam had tried getting through a number of times, but he refused to answer; didn't wish to speak with her right now. Then Daniel kept trying, and he felt exactly the same way about speaking to him, guessing that Sam was sitting right next to him crying her crocodile tears.

At the moment in his mental ramblings, this was what he was thinking, that Sam's love was all a sham and always had been. He'd been a fool to believe she'd ever loved him. She'd just been in love with the idea of being in love with him but had seen the error of her ways, at last. It had been inevitable.

He vacillated between that super-negativity and the more positive 'she's tired, overdoing it, hormonal' excuse for what had happened. In that version he didn't doubt for one minute that she loved him and he was going to get up and drive home any minute now. Kiss and make up – that was always good.

Of course, as he gulped his way down the bottle, the negative version was winning hands down and when the SGC called for Daniel, he was so not in a receptive mood. If the universe bit them in the ass and they needed him, he would have managed to sober himself up and step up to the plate, but it wasn't, so he didn't. Instead he told them not to disturb him unless it was urgent and that that no one else should either. Daniel got a second hand brush off and Jack settled back to making himself increasingly depressed.

Daniel stayed over with Sam that night to make sure she was okay and they talked like only good friends can until the wee hours. When Jack didn't turn up next morning they knew he would be at the SGC and, although Daniel wasn't due to go in that day, he took Sam.

Jack had one hell of a hangover and tried to soothe it with Aspirin, settling down to bury himself in his work and forget about his woes, and his headache. He wasn't really surprised when Sam turned up at his office door, but wasn't particularly receptive either.

"What do you want, Sam? I'm busy. I've got a meeting downstairs with Hank in 10 minutes and I have to read this report first," he said, coolly and businesslike. He didn't look up, but knew it was her without looking. He always knew.

The President had provided him with an office in the mountain, and staff, and Jack had to work hard to keep out of Landry's way. It was tough, but he understood that it was not a good idea to step on Hank's toes just because he was located inside the mountain rather than miles away in Washington. Always one to provide his team with enough space to give their best, this was no exception. Every time the off-world activation sounded, he was already out of his seat before he managed to reign himself in and try to ignore it. That wasn't his job; it was Hank's.

Jack knew how he would feel in this same situation, tried to act accordingly, and Hank appreciated that. The situation with Jack had worried him at first: his CO almost sitting right on top of him for half the week, able to watch his every move, and it was someone who had done this job and worked in this mountain for years, so was way more qualified than he was.

His old friend promised he would keep out of it unless Hank asked, just as he might expect Landry to call him in Washington if he needed to, and he was as good as his word. Hank realised how hard that must be for Jack and admired his self restraint. They rubbed along together very well and their friendship had blossomed again since Jack's return to the Springs. These days they got together regularly to play chess and drink a few beers, talking through old times, and new.

"I owe you a big apology Jack," Sam said as she invited herself in and closed the door so that over eager ears could not hear them. She knew that Jack would be pissed if any of this got around the base, and so would she.

Jack tried to contain himself, not sure of how he really wanted to react to her at the moment, and so not wanting to confront this in his office. It was something they should discuss at home, if and when he felt ready to discuss it. Right now, he wasn't willing or able to do that without anger and pain. He needed to keep a clear head. He was on duty, and that must come first.

"You probably do, but now is not the time, Sam."

"I know that, but someone's got to make the first move and I think it's down to me."

"Ya think?"

Despite the sarcasm he was overly calm and cold, which probably meant he was very, very angry and even more hurt. Tightly controlled and in full work mode, he wasn't going to let her divert him. She understood how important that was to him and had no intention of angering him further by trying to persuade him differently.

"Will you come home tonight, Jack, so we can talk? Please?"

At last he looked up from the report, which he wasn't actually reading, of course.

"Yes, I will. Now please leave."

It was perhaps more than she could have hoped for. At least he had agreed to talk to her, that was something. She tried to ignore his curt words and tone and turned to leave.

"Jack, no matter what my voice or yours says, never believe that I don't love you," she said before opening the door and leaving him alone once more.

He stared at the door for a few moments, beginning to wonder if he'd overreacted to her cruel words, and then thrust those thoughts from his mind, turning back to read the report before his meeting.

After the meeting, Jack headed back to his office but bumped into Daniel. He wondered if his friend had been hanging around waiting to make it look like a co-incidence, and wouldn't put that past him.

"Oh, Jack I was hoping I might bump into you," Daniel said.

'Definitely a set up,' Jack thought.

"Daniel?" he looked at him curiously as if he had no idea what he might want to talk about.

"Can we talk?"

"I'd rather we didn't." Jack continued to stride purposefully towards the elevators with Daniel keeping pace.

"What if I make a damned nuisance of myself?"

"Yeah you would too, wouldn't you?"

"You know me. Dog with a bone."

"I really haven't got time Daniel."

"What, even for a quick cup of coffee?"

"Not right now."

"Later?"

"We'll see."

"Yes we will."

Daniel continued to follow him, getting into the elevator and, once it was on the move, pressing the stop button.

"She doesn't need you to speak on her behalf, Daniel, "Jack said angrily, "she has a mouth and is quite able to use it; all too eloquently. Now if you don't mind, I need to get back to my office."

Daniel refused to budge from the controls and Jack was seriously tempted to punch him out and force him to move, but refrained. It was unbecoming for a Major General to act in that way, and a disciplinary offence to boot, although he might not have cared so much about the latter. Besides, Daniel was his friend, no matter how insufferable he could be on occasion.

"Okay, so you got me trapped. What do you want to say, Daniel? Spit it out and then I can go get on with some work."

"She loves you Jack."

"Does she?"

"You know she didn't mean what she said."

"Do I?"

"Yes, you do." Daniel was determined not to let Jack's tone put him off. "You should have seen her last night."

"Yeah, she can talk the good talk alright."

"You know it's more that that. She was distraught."

"Do I? And, yeah, she's good at that too - in that order."

"Jack!"

"Daniel, now is not the time or the place for this. I already told her that."

"She came to see you?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"I told her what I just told you. This is a workplace Daniel and, not only that, but a US Armed Forces base. This is not an appropriate topic of conversation. Nor is it appropriate to hold up the business of this base by commandeering this elevator."

"Jeez, Jack, you like to play hardball don't you? But I know you're torn up inside by what she said to you."

"Do you?"

"You know she's always had some issues."

"Yeah, and I don't?" Jack retorted sharply, "hers are all about me, seemingly."

"Hers are about commitment, control, all that."

"Well, perhaps she shouldn't have got married."

"But she did. She did because she loves you and wants to spend the rest of her life with you Jack. Don't believe that crap she spouts when she's feeling vulnerable. She can be just as defensive as you are."

"And offensive."

"Jack!"

"Is she feeling vulnerable?"

"You know she is, don't you?"

"Yes, but maybe I am too. Ever thought of that?"

"Yes I have actually."

"Oh?"

"Oh? Is that all you're going to say."

"Probably."

"Okay, fine! Just don't let your insecurities ruin your marriage and happiness, Jack, or hers. Search your heart. You know the truth of it, deep down."

"Do I?"

"I think so."

"Daniel, I signed up for better or worse. I take those vows very seriously. And, she's having my baby. What do you think I'm gonna do, desert her? I love her."

"And she loves you. Never forget it."

"I'll try not to, but maybe she should be the one who is telling me all this."

"She will if you give her a chance."

"Then I'll give her the chance. Later at home, not here. Will that suit your highness?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"So can we get this elevator moving so I can go get on with some work?"

"Sure thing Jack."

Daniel turned to the controls and the elevator started off again, stopping on Jack's level. Daniel didn't follow him this time, satisfied with their brief but relatively positive discussion. Jack turned back to look at his friend before the doors closed on him again.

"Thanks Daniel."

"Thanks?"

"Yeahsureyabetchya." Jack smiled and Daniel realised that he was not being sarcastic as he had first suspected.

"You're welcome. Happy to help, anytime."

The elevator door closed with Daniel even more satisfied than he had been a moment ago. Jack was going to fix it with Sam, and she was going to fix it with Jack. All would be right with the world, until the next time.

Sam left early that night so she could be ready for her husband's return. She took a bath, dressed in her best maternity clothes and made one of his favourite dinners. When he eventually came home she felt prepared, and was surprised when he looked at her, smiled and immediately took her into his arms for a hug.

"You look great, Sam, and something good is cooking." He sniffed the air and kissed her tenderly.

"I-I, are you alright, Jack?" She was stunned that he was behaving as if nothing had ever happened.

"Yeah. Sam, I know you love me and that you don't really regret marrying me, so we don't need to have a post-mortem, okay?"

"Y-you… will you at least let me apologise?"

"If you must."

"I'm so sorry Jack, and you are so full of surprises. I wasn't expecting this. I've had words going around my head all day, how I was going to say sorry, explain, all that."

"You don't need to. Daniel and I had a little chat today. Got me thinkin'. Told me to search my heart so I did."

"You did? Thank you Doctor Jackson." She grinned. "I love you so much Jack. I really do. And I can be such a b…"

"Ah, ah, ah," he wagged a finger at her, "not in front of the baby," he rubbed her belly proudly. "So what's for dinner?"

He let her lead him into the kitchen and they never discussed what had happened. Perhaps they should have because that would come back to haunt them, particularly Jack.

From that moment, he stopped fussing over her, taking to heart her words that he was suffocating. They maintained a certain physical distance, while still close in many other respects, but they stopped demonstrating their feelings in their usual tactile way.

It wasn't until much later that he realised the connection but, not long after this argument, his nightmares returned to torment him and, a while after that, their relationship would face yet another test.


	10. In Deep Conversation

Title: In Deep Conversation

Author: Su Freund

E-mail: See bio

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: Angst / Romance

Content Level: Age 13+. A much longer Adult Only version of this story can be found on my site at the above address

Content Warnings: Contains minor use of mild language and sexual situations

Pairings: Jack & Sam

Season: S9

Spoilers: General for S9

Summary: Sam is now heavily pregnant and the couple are having more problems with their marriage. Jack reminisces about better times a few weeks before.

Sequel/Series Info: Sequel to Different Conversations

Status: Series

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2005 Su Freund

File Size: 75 KB

Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net

Author's Note: The wonderful photo manipulation of a pregnant Sam that illustrates this fic on my site was created by ninjagirl, and made into a book cover by Fulinn28. I am very grateful to both of them. To see the book cover go to my site and check out the fic via the link in the What's New section on the front page. The original artwork can be found in ninjagirl's gallery on the site. Thanks also to Bonnie for beta reading this fic and making such excellent suggestions for its improvement. Any remaining mistakes are entirely my own.

**In Deep Conversation **

Jack lay on the bed and stretched out, wearily. It felt good to lie down and relax peacefully for a few moments. No Sam, no Air Force, no pesky aliens, no boring paperwork, no Stargate; nothin'. He had to admit that he wasn't so sure about the no Sam part and he reached over for her pillow, pressing it to his nose to breath in her scent, and then holding it as he would so love to hold her if she was there.

It seemed a long time since he and Sam had been intimate. Jack wasn't just thinking about sex, although it had been quite a while, but about those warm and cosy moments of touching, holding, exchanging meaningful looks and whispering in each other's ears. The small but exquisite and significant things that had played such a huge role throughout their relationship, but no longer seemed to feature. Not since that last big argument.

After that he hadn't wanted her to think he was clinging and making too much fuss. She had accused him of smothering her so he had withdrawn and she had done nothing to re-ignite their flame. He missed it badly; missed her. Admittedly, he could have made more of an effort himself, but he didn't. He was Jack O'Neill and Jack O'Neill was generally pretty crap at that kind of stuff.

Sam had busied herself by nesting, as pregnant women do. Long hours were spent preparing for the arrival of their baby. She cleaned, tidied, stored things away, and then cleaned tidied and stored more things away. Sometimes, it was positively disconcerting. She could spend hours searching through catalogues, or wandering round shops, looking at baby things - from the, very practical, sublime to the, totally frivolous, ridiculous.

She considered color schemes, décor and furniture for the nursery; toys, clothes, strollers, cots and goodness knows what else that was required to make a baby comfortable these days. Maybe this phase of the pregnancy was designed more for the comfort of the expectant mother than the baby to be. That was the way Jack figured it, so he humoured her and played along, not totally unhappy about it, but not totally happy either.

It was amazing how much a new baby could cost. Jack thought that some of this stuff they seemed to need must be gold-plated the price was so ludicrous. He didn't mind the notion of spending lots of money on the baby. He wanted to and was happy to pay whatever it took. Money was money. If you have it, spend it.

He didn't give a fig about money. All he cared about was that they had a healthy, happy baby, and that they be happy along with it. However, he hated wasting money and believed that some of these retailers were piss-taking profiteers. Most of all, he knew that money didn't buy happiness. A cliché', he realised, but only too true. Right now, Jack was not very happy and it bothered him a lot. Healthy wallet but a heavy heart.

Sam had been studying every nook and cranny of the house to work out how to baby proof it. The number of things that had been packed away into storage was disturbing. Their Colorado home had changed almost beyond Jack's recognition. It didn't seem like home anymore and sometimes he was grateful to get back to Washington and be surrounded by the familiar and comforting.

She had been so right about things changing but Jack had never considered how much this might impact on him. He'd been too concerned about how it might affect her and trying assuage her fears. What about his fears? What about his life? What about his reality?

Nor had he talked to her about it and, as the weeks went by, they became increasingly distant and detached from each other. He realised that some of this was of his own making, but all marriages are between two people, so no one person is normally to blame for everything that goes wrong.

He was a married man but felt lonely and isolated: a crazy state of affairs. Jack could have had a riot in Washington. He was still there for at least half the week, often longer, and had quite a few offers of companionship, both subtle and more direct. He could have been sorely tempted on more than one occasion to take advantage of them and seek what he wasn't getting from Sam: to start an affair.

Jack knew that he didn't need to look far, if he wanted to look at all. He'd seen the signs from a number of women in the Pentagon, at parties, in bars, and even one woman in the outer office of the President of the United States. Casual sex on a regular basis was definitely an option, or even something more intimate, affectionate and longer lasting.

So he was tempted, but did not give way to those temptations. Betraying Sam was not really an option, in his opinion. An old-fashioned view, perhaps, but he was proud to hold it. Marriage was a sacred undertaking and, despite some problems, he was still inextricably bound to Sam, and loved her very much indeed.

Jack had spent almost his whole life doing the honorable or right thing, and keeping promises and vows. Things would have to get much more desperate than they were right now to make him stray from that chosen path. Maybe it was his Catholic upbringing but when he put the ring on Sam's finger, he considered that a life long commitment: body, heart and soul. If she wanted out, like Sarah had - and God alone knows he couldn't blame his ex-wife for that - then things might be different. He didn't want out and believed he never would.

For many years Jack had been alone - mainly, although not always – and had been used to his own company. He had yearned for Sam but effectively suppressed it. Once they got together, he had no need to suppress it any longer and he'd taken great joy from both the companionship and regular sex.

He missed that a lot and, lying there alone, thought about it a lot, remembering how it had once been, and until fairly recently. At one point he'd been in both heaven and hell, or perhaps stuck in the limbo between the two. He reminisced, holding the pillow and thinking about his sexy and beautiful wife and what it had been like.

Sam was one of those women who got real horny when pregnant. Not that he'd objected, it sure meant they got a lot of sex and was way better than the alternative, which was no sex. It was great, just fantastic, but the woman seemed insatiable and he hadn't been sure he could keep up.

Sometimes he believed she was wearing him out. Even when he was totally exhausted from a hard and stressful day at work she would be jumping his bones almost as soon as he walked in the door. He cursed himself for complaining about it, even inside his own head, even just a little. That was wrong on so many levels. Sam was an extremely sexy woman and knew exactly which of his buttons press. He couldn't get enough of her; really he couldn't.

Occasionally he had to ask himself if he was getting too old for it and hated to contemplate that notion. Dammit, he was going to keep up with her if it killed him, which he sincerely hoped it wouldn't. He sure wanted to be around for the birth and upbringing of his child. Jeez, he deserved to after all the grief, joy and exhaustion her pregnancy had provided. Sometimes they made love so much that he seriously questioned whether he would ever recover sufficiently for him to walk straight again.

He had a vision of hobbling into the SGC looking like John Wayne having just got off his horse and all eyes turning towards him with smug grins on their faces as if to say 'we know what you've been doing.' He should be proud if that happened, and would be, kind of, but he would also be way too embarrassed. What he and Sam got up to in the privacy of their own home, or wherever else they chose to have sex, was nobody else's business but theirs.

He had kept thinking that, as she grew larger and drew closer to the big day, she would feel incapable and give him a break. Did he really want a break? Was he crazy? Just to think about having sex with her could make him tingle all over. Where there was a will there was a way, it seemed. They sure got a lot of practice finding good positions to be in for great sex, given the increasing mound that was Sam's womb; their baby. Looking back, it was monumentally ironic.

On the other side of the coin, he secretly wondered whether he was addicted to sex with her. The pain and the exhaustion was all worth it, every single moment. When he was in Washington he missed her so much that sometimes he could almost smell her, feel her: her hands wandering over his body, turning him on and bringing him off. It had been an interesting and wonderful phase of her pregnancy and, although it was inevitably going to happen, he regretted its passing.

The vivid memory of another time: Sam arriving in Washington unexpectedly and surprising him in the shower. That had been at the peak of her hormonally charged desire for sex. In her condition, they couldn't have intercourse in the shower, but there are others things two lovers can do. Almost immediately after the shower, they had made love on the bed; in fact, he recalled that a lot of that weekend had been spent in bed.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a key in the door. Sam!

"Jack, you here?"

"Yes, honey!"

He gathered himself together and went to greet her. Their welcoming kiss was somewhat perfunctory and Jack longed to embrace her properly, but didn't. Questioning his reticence did not prompt him to act on his disquiet.

Sam was concerned for her husband. He seemed preoccupied and tired lately and she couldn't get him to open up. Realising he wasn't an opening up kind of guy was no comfort. In the past she had managed to prize his shell ajar to reveal the pearl inside and was annoyed with both herself and her husband that it wasn't working this time.

He hadn't been sleeping well, and was having nightmares again, but was trying to hide it from her. That made her unhappy. If it turned out that this was one of those Jack O'Neill 'protect my wife at all costs during this pregnancy' things she was going to be so pissed.

The distance that seemed to have grown between them bothered her deeply, but she wasn't sure how to tackle it. Although she had been preoccupied by the impending birth, Sam would have been a fool to have failed to notice things between them were not quite as they should be. She had even paused to wonder whether Jack was having an affair, but didn't believe it. A lot of wives could hoodwink themselves that way, but Sam didn't think she was kidding herself.

For the last few weeks they hadn't been as close as she would have wished, and nor had they been sexually active. She'd finished her ultra horny phase, which didn't mean she didn't want to have sex, just that she didn't want to jump on Jack virtually every time she saw him. Her husband had withdrawn from her and wasn't totally sure why, although she had some ideas.

Ever since their argument, when she'd told him he was suffocating her, things had changed between them. It was her fault, but she was also intelligent enough to know that Jack wasn't a totally innocent party. He had insisted they didn't need to talk about it, but clearly they should have done exactly that. So instead of agreeing boundaries, Jack had made them up.

Admittedly, at first she had been pleased to get him off her back, which is why she chose to ignore it and throw herself into major baby planning. The fact that this coincided with the end of her horny phase probably hadn't helped matters. They'd stopped having sex altogether after the argument and Sam realised she should have instigated lovemaking to prove to Jack she still wanted him.

Now, it had gone too far and on for too long. She had to force the issue but, if she even tried to broach something personal like that, Jack found a way to avoid it. Sam wished she could think of a way to breech his defensives. She had done it before, so why not now? She had no answer to that question.

Despite all of that, he had been there all the way for her, attending almost every baby appointment, with the exception of the odd very understandable emergency. She had dragged him around shops, scoured magazines, catalogues, paint color charts, fabric swatches, and he had reacted with a stoic acceptance, and even encouragement. Jack hated shopping, but would do it for her sake.

She knew he loved her, so that was not the problem. Maybe her declarations of feelings had seemed too careless and routine. She imagined that she hadn't been entirely encouraging and recognised she had to find a way to demonstrate her feelings. Jack was not a words man; he held greater store in what he could see and feel.

Tonight she was too tired so promised to act the next day and then wondered how many times she had thought the same thing. However, she needed sleep and was determined to turn in early, so she did exactly that, leaving a lonesome Jack contemplating what he should do to resolve their self-made dilemma.

Sam woke to find his side of the bed empty and reached to grasp his pillow to inhale his scent. It was damp with Jack's sweat and she felt the sheets, which were similarly clammy. Nightmares! Pulling herself out of the bed, with a little trouble at her advanced stage of pregnancy, she waddled off to find him.

Having fruitlessly scoured the house, she opened the doors to the porch and found him sitting in the dark in his boxers, despite the night's slight chill. Even in that faded light, when he looked up she could see he had been crying and her heart leapt into her throat.

"Jack?"

"Go back to bed Sam."

She ignored that request, taking a seat in a nearby chair.

"I don't think so," she responded.

"Please Sam."

It was a plea and his tone was sad and bereft, causing her to reach out to touch him, but it seemed he wanted to refuse her offer of comfort.

"No, don't!" he said, fending her off as gently as he could while still rejecting her.

Sam leaned back in the chair, trying to make herself comfortable, which isn't easy when carrying a huge mound of a belly. She was finding these latter stages of the pregnancy the hardest to deal with and couldn't wait for it to be over. The morning sickness had been pretty disgusting, and lasted for way too long, but to her this was far worse. It was so hard to get comfortable, relax, and to sleep.

She'd figured out ways to sit and lie down in partial comfort, sure, but she hated her inability to move around efficiently, the lack of activity and her usual athleticism and grace.

She contemplated her husband in silence. After their huge bust ups earlier in the pregnancy they had made promises, but neither of them had kept them. It wasn't just Jack; it was her fault as well, and she recognised that. Life wasn't a bed of roses; it was as simple as that. Nothing or nobody is perfect, and that included them, and their marriage, although she still loved Jack with all her heart, and believed that feeling was mutual, despite their ups and downs. Who didn't have ups and downs, for crying out loud?

Sam smiled at herself for mentally using one of Jack's own favorite expressions. She'd heard him exclaim "Holy Hannah!" on many occasions, and picking up these small habits from each other were inevitable consequences of such a long-term relationship.

"Okay, no touching, but I'm not going away," she said, settling down for the long haul.

Jack said nothing, simply sitting and staring at nothing, a distant expression on his face.

"You'll catch cold sitting out here like that, Jack," she ventured after a lengthy silence.

"I'm fine."

"Sure you are."

Her tone was sarcastic and she eased herself up, waddling into the house and returning with a blanket, which she wrapped around Jack's shoulders.

"For Christ's sake, Sam!" he snapped, but she chose to ignore him and he didn't fight her off this time.

Instead, he pulled the blanket around his exposed body and accepted a hand squeeze from his wife before she sat back in her chair to continue her vigil. Sam was pleased he had allowed her to offer that small amount of comfort, but it wasn't anywhere near enough. She was beginning to realise that she needed it too and if Jack wouldn't accept or give it willingly she would have to force it.

"Jack, talk to me please. We made some promises…"

"I know. But you know me Sam. It isn't as simple as that."

"No, simple you aren't, Jack O'Neill, and never have been. But right now I need my husband and he is drifting away from me, I can feel it. Tell me about the nightmares."

For the first time, Jack looked into his wife's face, saw her sadness and fear writ large, and felt ashamed of himself. He knew she was right, but that didn't make it any easier for him, just more inevitable that he make an effort. The silence lengthened and Sam thought he wouldn't respond but eventually he did.

"You aren't the only one who's scared, Sam," he confessed and she was shocked by those words.

"Scared?"

She reached to grasp his hand and this time he let her hold onto him. It was a good start.

"It's my job to protect my family from harm. Last time round I didn't do that. I don't trust myself."

"Oh, Jack… your nightmares have been about Charlie?" He nodded a response. "Tell me?"

"Not just Charlie, you and the baby too. You know me and worst case scenarios, Sam," he tried to quip but the joke fell flat. "I didn't want you to know and I wish you hadn't asked."

"Trying to protect me from your nightmares?"

"I didn't want to scare you. You're gonna have our baby soon. You could do without all that crap."

"You're my husband Jack, and I love you. We should be sharing the good and the bad. That's what marriage is all about, isn't it?"

"Sharing is hard."

"I know, but we have to do it anyway. I realise I haven't always been great at doing that either, but we need to try."

"Sam…" he couldn't continue his original thread, saying instead, "I should have guessed this would happen. These bastard nightmares like to attack when I'm down."

"And you're down? Oh god, Jack, come here, my darling, please?" she begged.

Jack moved from his chair at last, sitting on the floor at her feet, wrapping the blanket around him and resting his head on her knee. She cradled his head in her hands, smoothing his hair and cheek with her fingertips. If she could have bent to kiss his head she would have, but it wasn't physically possible, so she did her best to convey her feelings with her hands.

Sam was astounded when she felt and heard her husband sobbing and recognized that he must have been bottling all of this up for way longer than she realised. Jack never did this. When he first awoke from a nightmare, yes, but never like this. She wasn't sure how to deal with it, and realized he wasn't sure either, which gave her the confidence to try.

"So you re-live the nightmare of Charlie's death?" she probed.

"I try to stop it happening, but I'm helpless to do anything. I can never get there in time. I just have to watch him die, over and over."

"And me and the baby?"

"Sam, please…"

"No, Jack, I'm not letting go of it. You have to tell me."

As he told her the tears continued to run down his cheeks, his body sweating and shaking. He dreamed Sam would lose their baby and he was helpless to stop it happening; he dreamed of loss, blame, regret and powerlessness; he dreamed that once their baby was lost to them, Sam was lost to him.

The words came tumbling out, filled with heart rending sorrow, and Sam's own tears started falling as she held and caressed her husband in an effort to reassure him. By the end of it, the pair were both sorrowful and shattered. Jack pulled away from Sam's arms to take her in his own, as best he could, and offer the same consolation she was trying to give to him.

"I'm never going to let you go, Jack, never. I'll always love you, no matter what. I'm here, my darling, and I always will be. Don't let me go. Hold me."

They rocked in each other's arms for a long time as Sam whispered such soothing words, and eventually, their tears stopped falling and they fell silent, simply holding each other as if their lives depended upon it, and maybe they did.

"I didn't want you to worry, sweetheart," Jack said, looking into Sam's bloodshot eyes with his own.

"But I have been worried, Jack, about you, about us. Worried we wouldn't make it, that you were withdrawing from me…"

"I'm sorry, I never meant for you to feel like that."

"I know."

"I just wanted to protect you."

"I know that too. Pregnancy is stressful, Jack, and not just for me, for both of us."

"God, Sam, sometimes I'm such an asshole. Why did you ever marry such a jerk?"

"We both have our moments. I happen to love this particular jerk."

"Something for which I will always be grateful, even though it's totally perplexing."

"You always were a much better person than you gave yourself credit for."

"Yeah, I guess you saw something in me that I didn't."

"I saw a brave, intelligent and humorous man. I saw a man who would make me a wonderful husband and be a terrific father for my children. And you will be Jack, really you will."

"You think so?"

"I know so. You are great with children. I've seen how great you are. Cassie always adored you, and you adored her. And she isn't the only one. You seem to have that affect. It's just you. They trust you without even thinking about it."

"It's trusting myself that's the problem."

"Remember you saying something to me about all we can do is our best? That's just as true for you as it is for me. I trust you. Does that count for anything?"

"Yes, it counts for a lot."

"Then trust me to know. Trust the mother of your child."

"I do."

"Then believe me?"

"I'll try."

She smiled at him and he returned it with a crooked grin, but his eyes were still tinged with sadness. Sam wondered what else she could do to help him.

"Jack, it's a little uncomfortable sitting here. Can we go back inside?"

"Sure honey."

He helped her up and they entered the house hand in hand.

"Do you want to go back to bed?" he asked.

"Not sure I can sleep yet. You?"

"I doubt it, but we could lie down and cuddle."

"That sounds really good, Jack. Hey, I'm thirsty. I'll get some juice."

"You go lie down and I'll get us both some."

Jack pottered off to the kitchen, fetching the juice and taking it to the bedroom where he found Sam lying on the bed already, propped up with pillows.

"You are so beautiful!" he declared as he approached, handing her the juice.

"You really think so?"

"I told you I find pregnant women sexy."

"Yes you did. I wasn't sure if I believed you or you were just trying to make me feel better. I'm an elephant!"

"Well if you are, you sure are one helluva lot sexier than any elephant I've ever seen. I wish…" he tailed off.

"What?"

"That I could make love to you," he confessed after initial uncertainty about whether he should tell her that.

"It's been a while since we've… I've missed you Jack."

"And I've missed you. I just want to get close to you Sam."

"Then come here, handsome."

She held out her arms and he sat next to her, leaning in for a kiss.

"Shit! It's impossible for you to get near me!" Sam exclaimed.

"No it's not."

He lay down beside her, stroking her face and covering it with small kisses. His hand strayed down her neck and over her body. The maternity nightdress she wore was not her sexiest ever outfit and Sam knew it, regretting that she wore it tonight. Thinking about sex, she wasn't sure that she either wanted it, or was capable, or even if it was possible. Maybe Jack needed it and, if he did, she wanted to oblige, but wasn't sure how.

"Let me take off your clothes?" he asked. It seemed too long since he'd seen his wife naked and he realised he craved that.

"You wanna see the elephant in all her overweight glory?"

"I want to see my beautiful wife naked, yes."

She nodded and he managed to strip her, kissing her exposed flesh as he did so.

"Are you warm enough?" he asked with concern and she nodded again. He softly caressed her swollen breasts with his fingertip, "Do they hurt?" he eyed her enlarged nipples.

"My breasts are a little sore, yes."

Kissing her shoulder his finger moved down to the bulge in her belly and, smiling, he leaned over to kiss her there and rub her skin with his thumb.

"I want this baby so much, Sam. I just…"

"I know you do, darling. It's okay, everything's gonna be okay. I promise."

Her hand snaked to reach his and she took a firm hold of it as he gently rubbed his head against her stomach.

"I'm not sure I'm up for sex, Jack," she whispered quietly.

He patted her belly, gently, and looked up to meet her eyes, kissing her stomach once more before moving up the bed to rest his head against hers. She turned to her side and Jack spooned behind her, continuing to stroke her stomach soothingly, and kissing her neck before he snuggled up to it.

"I can live without the sex. I just want to hold you Sam."

"I'd like that a lot."

"Good."

He snuggled even closer, giving Sam a gentle squeeze, and she took one of his hands in hers, rubbing his knuckles absently.

"That feels really good," she muttered, contentedly.

"I missed this, why did we stop doing this?"

"I think you know why. It's my fault, again. I pushed you away. We've never been quite the same since that argument. We should have talked about it. I never explained, you seemed to be happy without picking over it all, but we stopped making each other feel loved; we stopped touching. I never meant those terrible things I said, you really do know that, don't you?"

"Yes, I know that. You're right. The nightmares started not long after that. I guess I didn't see the connection, or didn't want to. I never wanted to face that conversation with you."

"Why not?"

"I don't know, I just couldn't. And although your words hurt me, I knew you were right. I was smothering you Sam and I had to back off. Maybe I backed off too far."

"I think maybe you did."

"Sorry."

"Me too."

"When you hold me I feel safe, secure and loved Jack. I've missed feeling like that. Yes, I felt suffocated, but… Oh Jack, that day I said those hurtful things, I don't know where that came from. My own self-doubts, my fears. Everything that happened between us happened so quickly. One minute you were my CO, the next we were dating and lovers, the next we got married, and then I got pregnant. I love being your wife, Jack, to have and hold you forever. I love that we're having a baby, that we will become a family. I wanted all of that with you, and I got what I wanted."

"But? I know there's a but in there somewhere," he searched her eyes, not shying away this time, wanting to hear what she said, perhaps more confident of it now than he had been before.

"But… I've always been so married to my work. Success in relationships isn't something I'm used to. I've always been crap at that. As for commitment, I don't know why I always shied away. Probably because it scared me. It scared me that I could no longer be me, that I would get subsumed, lose control of my life."

"You didn't seem to have a problem committing to Pete," Jack commented evenly, wondering how she would answer that.

"God, yes I did! That's why I broke it off, that and the small fact that I happened to be in love with another much more wonderful guy, and had been in love with him for a very long time. My heart was already committed elsewhere. Dammit, I'm not sure I'm explaining this too well, Jack."

"You're doin' fine. I know you have this thing about control, Sam, controlling your own life and destiny. You still do control it, my love, but a good relationship is all about compromise, meeting each other halfway. Neither of us have total control anymore. It simply isn't possible. I try to let you control your life as much as I can. God, I've done a lot to make this situation work, you know that. I just want to do what's best for you, Sam, for us, and our baby. That's what I want to do more than anything. I never intended to smother you. You do know that, don't you?"

"I know all of that and I love you all the more for it, Jack. I never thought it was possible to love you more, but I do." She stroked his face lovingly, "Sometimes I guess it all becomes too much for me. That day… it was one of those times. And boy, have I lived to regret that. I've missed you fussing over me. I've missed your gentle reassurances, and your loving touches. I've missed the sex, the cuddling, and the feeling of deep abiding love that comes from all of that. I don't regret this marriage, Jack, not for one single minute. I wanted it, and I still do. Don't we always lash out at the people we love when we're frustrated or pissed off?"

"And you were frustrated and pissed off?"

"Yes, but it wasn't really with you. Well maybe some of it was, but it was mainly with me. I'm not even sure I remember why now. Probably because I was frustrated with my brains turning to mush, like I knew they would. Pissed about my inability to think straight anymore, to problem solve effectively. Pissed because my body wouldn't do what I told it too. All that kind of stuff. God, Jack, I need this; those strong arms around me, to feel your feelings, to know you love me."

"But you do know I love you, don't you?"

"Yes I do, but it's not the same as feeling it."

"I've been feeling the same way. I just didn't know what to do about it."

"Neither did I."

"We make quite a pair, don't we? Hey, he kicked!" Jack exclaimed delightedly. It always seemed to thrill him, and each time it happened he was similarly enthusiastic.

"He certainly did, the little monster. I thought he was asleep."

Although they had steadfastly refused to be told the gender of their child, they had fallen into the habit of referring to it as a he, for want of anything better. I was way better than 'it', although Sam light-heartedly maintained that it was infinitely inferior to 'she', which made Jack chuckle.

"You think I woke him?" Jack asked.

"I think maybe he wants to say hello to his daddy."

"Yeah, maybe."

Sam could almost see the smile through non-existent eyes in the back of her head and squeezed his hand in acknowledgement of his pleasure. It seemed she'd pulled him out of that black hole into which he had fallen, and she hoped she could keep him out.

"I love you Sam," he said.

"Yeah, and that makes me very happy."

"This makes me happy."

"This?"

"Lying here with you, as close as we can get."

"Me too, we haven't done it nearly enough lately."

"I know, and I regret that. I needed it but was also scared of it; scared you didn't want it; scared of too many stupid things. Does that sound nuts?"

"Not really. I wish I hadn't made you feel like that. I wish you hadn't tried to deal with the nightmares alone."

"I promise I won't do that again. Okay?"

"Promise? A Jack O'Neill promise is better than a signed, sealed contract."

"Wish that was true, but I'll sign and seal it if you want."

"God, Jack, I love you so much, you know that? You can sign and seal it by making love to me, if it's possible."

"I've never tried it with an elephant before, but there's always a first time. Are you sure? Don't do it if it's just for me, Sam."

"It's not just for you. I want it."

"Okay. Stay there."

"Where are you going?"

"Just here. Taking my boxers off."

Actually, he had other intentions. Standing at the base of the bed, he took her foot between his hands and played with the souls of her feet and toes. Then he kneeled on the end of the bed, between her legs, nibbling his way upwards. Sam looked at him with a small smile playing across her face.

Their lovemaking was over way too quickly, but neither of them minded that. The important thing was that they were physically close again, and that would make all the difference in the world.

Jack pulled the covers over them both and curled back up to Sam, continuing to spoon against her back, and kissing her neck and hair.

"Everything suddenly looks a whole lot better," he declared.

"Yes, it does."

"Looking forward to the baby, Sam?"

"What do you think?"

"So are we gonna try to finally make up our minds about the nursery?"

"You mean am I going to finally make up my mind?"

"I guess," he chuckled, "As if I have any say in the matter!"

"It's good of you to humour me, Jack."

"I love you. I want you to be happy."

"I want you to be happy too. We mustn't let something like this happen again. Next time, we talk."

"I'll try."

"Is that your final offer?"

"Sam, I'm sorry I'm not the kind of man who finds it easy to open up."

"It can be damned annoying, but I do love you just the way you are."

"You do? In that case I think I'll be very happy."

He smiled contentedly and they spoke no further but just slept cosily in each other's arms, at last.


	11. Conversation Piece

Title: Conversation Piece

Author: Su Freund

E-mail: See bio

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: Angst / Romance

Content Level: 13+

Content Warnings: Contains use of minor language and sexual situations

Pairings: Jack & Sam

Season: S9

Spoilers: General for S9

Summary: Jack is awestruck when Sam has their baby

Sequel/Series Info: Part 12 of The Conversation Series. Sequel to In Deep Conversation

Status: Series

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2005 Su Freund

File Size: 73 KB

Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net

Art Credit: Many thanks to Fulinn28 who made the book cover from the wonderful picture of Richard Dean Anderson and his daughter, Wylie Quinn Annarose Anderson, which can be viewed on my site at the above address.

Author's Note: Dedicated to all those women who are brave enough to keep the human race going from generation to generation. Thanks to Bonnie for beta reading this fic and her suggestions for changes, particularly about childbirth and after, which improved this fic and made it more real. Nevertheless, any mistakes that are here are all mine.

**Conversation Piece **

Jack was totally awestruck by the whole experience. When Sara had Charlie he'd been away on a mission in the back of beyond so never witnessed the birth of his child. Now he was there for Sam every step of the way, being as supportive as possible: encouraging her to breath properly; holding her hand; stroking her forehead; and all number of things to try helping her through the trauma of birth.

He was so wrapped up in it that he was almost trying to deliver the baby himself and the doctor had to sternly warn him to move away on a number of occasions. As well as all of that, he drank in the experience in wonder and admiration for his wife's strength, and the strength of all women who gave birth to their men's sons and daughters.

Unable to literally feel her pain, he felt it anyway, in his own way. He figured that he and Sam were connected like he had never been connected with anybody, and this experience had both confirmed and sealed it.

Not generally given to being overly, or overtly, emotional, Jack cried when his child was born. Real hot tears dampened his cheeks; tears of joy. He couldn't have loved his wife more than at that moment. She had given him life, love, happiness, and now she had given him the second chance at fatherhood he had always craved.

Sam's face was wet too, from tears, from sweat. Jack couldn't imagine how painful it was to give birth but Sam hadn't wanted drugs if possible, saying she had probably suffered more pain from their enemies than she ever would from something as natural as childbirth.

As an onlooker, Jack thought the labor seemed painful enough and when it came to the birth itself Sam screamed and cursed and damned near torn his hand off, but she still refused to ask for any pain relief, determined to see it through as she had promised. Jack admired her for that and wasn't sure he could have done the same. Not that he'd ever be in a position to know, of course, but Jack had suffered a lot of pain in his time; enough to know it was never a good thing. He'd rather have morphine than suffer without it.

The miracle of birth, because that is surely what is was, was the most amazing experience of his life. He'd seen it on TV but nothing could prepare you for the reality of it and the feelings it engendered. She was in agony, stretching, straining, red-faced, covered with sweat and a total mess but, in Jack's eyes, his wife had never looked more beautiful.

Then this big ugly blob appeared from inside her and turned into a thing of beauty in an instant. When Jack saw their daughter it was his turn to nearly squeeze Sam's hand off. Her appearance moved him so deeply, and he was in love, undeterred by the mess of blood, crap, placenta and all the accompaniments.

The doctor tied off the umbilical cord and asked Jack if he wanted to cut it. Sam thought she'd never seen such an expression of pure joy on her husband's face in that moment - joy mixed with tears - and Jack was thrilled to accept that invitation, wanting to do whatever he could to get closer to the birth, their baby, and Sam.

"It's a baby girl Sam," he sobbed as they handed the baby to his wife, "it's our beautiful daughter."

"Jack, she is beautiful, isn't she?" Sam also sobbed, having just suffered the trauma and pain of birth, and exhausted by it, she took their baby in her arms and held her close, kissing her head and smiling with tears of joy in her eyes. Then she handed their baby to Jack so that he could hold her too.

His eyes lit up even more brightly and fiercely with that physical contact and she could see that he was smitten. Jack passed her back to Sam, bending to kiss his wife with gratitude and love.

"Sam, I love you so much, and I'm so happy."

"How does it feel to be a daddy Jack?"

"Great. I guess I'm gonna have to pretend to be a grown up now," he smiled.

"Now that's pretty scary," Sam joked

"What about you mom? You alright, honey?"

"I'm fine, Jack, just great. Don't you think you should go tell Uncles Daniel and Teal'c that it's over?"

"They can wait. Right now, I want to be with my wife and our daughter. You're the most precious things in my world, Sam; always."

Daniel and Teal'c had been there when Sam's waters broke, visiting to keep her company while she was on maternity leave. Jack had gone into the SGC for a meeting and they had called him out. Sam had phoned the hospital who told her that the contractions weren't regular enough yet; she had a few hours before she would give birth. So Jack went home and they waited for a while, but he had been impatient to get her to the hospital and ensure she was in the right hands.

"I know you've done it before, Daniel, but I'd rather you didn't play midwife today," Jack said.

The two men had almost tried to follow him into the delivery room until Jack had given him one of his withering looks.

"You're kidding, right? Stay if you must, but not in here, for crying out loud."

So Daniel and Teal'c paced outside like expectant fathers themselves; pace, sit, pace, coffee, more coffee, pace, sit, pace, and yet more coffee.

Jack went to deliver the good news at last and Daniel leapt up and down excitedly, and Jack suspected that Teal'c was way more excited than he actually looked.

"A girl? That's great Jack. Congratulations, dad," Daniel gave Jack a handshake and then pulled him into a bear hug, patting him on the back. "A girl. Wow! I have a baby niece."

"Calm down Uncle Daniel," Jack chuckled.

"Can we see her?" Daniel asked enthusiastically, but the smile died on his face when he saw Jack's expression.

"Daniel, this really isn't the best time. Sam's exhausted, and so are the baby and I. She doesn't really want any visitors, even you guys. This is a mom, dad kind of a thing, you know?"

"Oh yeah, I guess I wasn't thinking. You're right of course Jack. Umm… can we come over when Sam's home?"

"Sure. I'll call you, okay?"

After some more back patting and general congratulations, Daniel and Teal'c left the hospital two disappointed men. In some ways Jack didn't like having to exclude them, he didn't want to hurt their feelings, but it was important that this precious time be spent as a family: Jack, Sam and their new born daughter. Besides, what he said about exhaustion and Sam not wanting visitors was true. She wanted no one else but Jack, and she needed to sleep.

Jack returned to Sam's room and sat silently and patiently holding her hand while she rested. Later, after his wife got cleaned up and felt up to talking, he asked whether she had given any further consideration to a name for their daughter. They had discussed a few but never come to any conclusion

"How about Alice?" Sam asked, looking at Jack. He raised his eyebrows in surprise. This wasn't a name they had ever discussed before.

"Alice? As in Wonderland or Cooper?" he quipped and Sam giggled.

"Don't make me laugh; I'm sore," she frowned. "What with the stitches, the haemorrhoids and the fact that I just gave birth to something that should never be expected to come out of such a small hole…" she grinned.

"Don't refer to our daughter as a something," he joked and then his expression turned more serious, "My poor beautiful Sam. Ouch!" He bent and kissed the top of her head, taking her hand, raising it to his lips and kissing it, and then keeping hold of it.

"Wonderland," she smiled up at Jack.

"What happened to Dorothy? Something wrong with Oz?" he winked and Sam's smiled upped its wattage. "Alice. Are you serious?"

"What was it you said about babies naming themselves?"

Jack stared at the baby in the cot for a moment.

"I guess she does look a little like an Alice. Alice Dorothy?" he grinned.

"Alice Dorothy O'Neill? Yeah, I kind of like that."

"You don't think Dorothy is kind of corny?"

"Yes, but it means something to us, Jack, something that not many people will ever understand, but her adopted uncles will."

"Want to hold off a couple of days while we decide if she really is an Alice?"

"Okay. Do you like Alice?"

"It's a bit out of the blue, but I love Alice. She'll get called Allie."

"I quite like Allie."

"Mmmm… me too. How long before we go home, Sam?"

"I shouldn't be here for more than 24 hours."

"How you feeling honey?"

"Much better now. Damn, it hurt Jack."

"So I figured. You damned near ripped my hand off and my arm out of its socket, but you did it as you wanted to. You made it through."

"Who was I kidding about worse pain from our enemies? If you men only knew. But she's worth it, every minute of it. She's amazing Jack."

"Just like her mom - beautiful." He smiled, sitting on the bed and smoothing Sam's forehead and cheeks with his fingers.

"I must be looking pretty terrible right now."

"No, you look incredible Sam; totally stunning."

"You're kidding, right?"

"I so am not!" He smiled, taking her into his arms, and Sam rested her head on his chest, "I love you Mrs O'Neill. God, sometimes it still surprises me that you're Mrs O'Neill, Sam. Weird, huh? And now we have a baby O'Neill too. Baby Alice Dorothy O'Neill. How great is that?"

He squeezed her gently and then pulled back and, placing his arm around her, looked over towards their daughter. Sam peered into his eyes and could see so much love and happiness in the twinkling darkness of his soulful gaze, and it made her own bliss complete.

Uncles Daniel and Teal'c were almost equally as besotted with Alice as Jack was. Jack insisted Sam settle back at home for a little while before he invited them around to meet their "adopted niece". They arrived so quickly that Jack thought they must have been ready to leave when he called; probably hovering over the phone awaiting the call.

"So you guys wanna come meet her, or what?" Jack teased when he answered the door.

"Boy, do I?" Daniel grinned inanely, and Teal'c inclined his head with a smile.

"This ways kids."

When they saw the baby, the expressions on their faces were pictures to behold. There were kisses, hugs and oohs and ahhs and Sam insisted Daniel hold the baby for a while, much to his great joy. Teal'c stood off a bit as if he didn't want to get in the way.

"So how about Uncle Teal'c?" Sam asked, "aren't you gonna give me a hug?"

"Indeed, Colonel Carter," he smiled and hugged her warmly, grasping her hand in his.

"Daniel, give Teal'c the baby," Sam said.

Daniel handed the baby to Teal'c and Sam thought she had never seen such a huge smile on the Jaffa's face.

"She is indeed quite beautiful," Teal'c declared and Sam was pretty sure she detected a surplus of water in his eyes.

"Better put her down now, T. Don't want her getting over excited from meeting her two uncles, do we? Just hand her over here a second."

Jack took his daughter into his arms, kissing her, and then handed her back to mom. Daniel and Teal'c exchanged knowing looks. Jack was in love and that made them both happy.

"So have you decided on her name yet?" Daniel asked.

"We're thinking Alice," Sam answered.

"Alice? What happened to Dorothy?" Daniel responded and Jack chuckled, remembering it was exactly what he'd said, "What about uncle lion?" Daniel smiled.

"Or Tin Man," Teal'c added with such a serious expression that the rest of them laughed.

They had discussed this idea before and Daniel thought that, if the baby was a girl, to call her Dorothy would be way cool. There would forever be a link to the whole of the original SG-1 team. It was somewhat of a private team joke after all these years.

"I guess that leaves Pa Scarecrow." Jack said with a small almost shy smile, and Sam squeezed his hand.

"Actually, we are thinking Alice Dorothy O'Neill," Sam said.

"Alice Dorothy? I kind of like that," Daniel said, "Named for two fictional characters that live lives as real as our own," he smiled at his own wit.

"Not Alice in Wonderland, you dolt, Alice Cooper," Jack said seriously

"You have got to be kidding!" Daniel was wide-eyed with astonishment.

"Of course I am, Danny boy," Jack admitted and Daniel pouted because he'd been taken in by his friend once again. "She looks like an Alice in Wonderland, don't ya think?" At this remark Daniel smiled.

"Yes, she does a little, actually. She looks just like her mom."

"Hey, I have enough to live down being Dorothy, thanks," Sam quipped, which made them all laugh.

"I, for one, am glad she looks like her mom. Heaven forbid she should look like her old man."

"But Jack darling, you are simply gorgeous," Sam said with a huge smile at her husband.

"At least someone thinks so," Jack returned the smile and kissed her briefly on the lips. "I'm lucky that someone is you, Sam." They exchanged a look of love that made Daniel and Teal'c feel like intruders. "But I don't want my daughter plagued with 5 O'clock shadow," he added jokingly. Sam laughed, "and shaving every day is such a pain in the butt."

"Ummm, should we go?" Daniel asked, "we don't want to get in the way."

"No guys. Please don't go yet," Sam implored, "Talk a while? You can start by telling me all the gossip from the base. Jack, honey, can you make the guys some coffee?"

"Sure. What about you?"

"Camomile tea?"

"You betchya."

Jack left them alone for a while for a team chat and then joined in the general banter until he could see that Sam was tiring.

"Guys…" he looked sharply at their two friends, his eyes and eyebrows pointing from them to the door to give the hint, which he emphasised with his words, "Okay, uncles, time for you to go."

"Um, time to butt out Teal'c." Daniel said, "We'll call. Sorry, I guess we wore out our welcome."

"No, but get out before you start to," Jack replied sarcastically.

"It's good to have friends, don't you think Sam?" Daniel joked sarcastically in response.

"If I can't be nasty to my friends, who else is left?" Jack retorted with a cheeky grin but, after they left, he bore a more serious countenance and regarded his wife with concern.

"You looked really tired, honey. Want to sleep?"

"She's asleep."

"Let me take her and put her down, and then I'll give you a neck rub. How about that?"

"Ummm… a neck rub would be perfect Jack."

She closed her eyes as he rubbed her neck, making appropriate appreciative noises. When the noises stopped, so did Jack, peering at her face. She was asleep. He kissed her gently on the forehead and spent a few minutes simply looking at her with a happy smile on his face. Then he spent even more minutes staring at his new born daughter with adoration and a feeling of almost total contentment.

Sam admired the nursery. They had really gone overboard with shopping and the baby had everything that was needed and much more. Jack had spent a small fortune, and so had she. Although he professed to hate shopping he'd been with her when they chose all of it and had fallen in love with this toy, or that, this furry stuffed animal or that.

She had protested that their baby wouldn't be old enough for some of these things for quite a while to come, but Jack had scoffed. He fell in love with it for his child so he bought it. Sam thought it totally adorable.

They had painted the nursery a pale, warm and glowing peach, which they both thought could be considered gender neutral, and around its circumference there was a pastel shaded border depicting various animals: lions, tigers, chimps, elephants and giraffes.

Looking down at their baby sleeping, Sam sighed happily. Jack had been right; you couldn't even begin to imagine the feelings you could have for this miniature human being. She truly loved Jack, but her feelings for him paled into insignificance by comparison. Sam believed Jack felt similarly. They would both die for this child if they had to; they would do anything for her.

Jack was deeply besotted, spending almost as much time with Alice as she did. He got into everything he was able to: changing, bathing, hugging, entertaining, burping. He regularly ended up with sick and pee down his clothes and treated it with equanimity. If he had breasts he would have fed her too and he loved to sit in silence and simply watch his wife doing so.

Of course, there is always a downside; having a baby isn't an idyll. The sick, pee and crap were only a small part of it; in fact it's amazing how fascinating the smell and color of baby doo dahs can be when it's your own child's. However, there were sleepless nights, the sometimes seemingly endless crying day or night, and sometimes one, other or both of them wanted to tear their hair out, scream, lob something at the wall or generally throw a hissy fit.

Overall, Alice was not a bad baby. She was smiley and friendly and loving. She did have her moments, however, and generally just as Jack and Sam were settling down for a bit of peace together, and a quick cuddle. A cuddle wasn't too much to ask, was it? After all, at the doctor's suggestion, sex was out of the question for at least 6 weeks, partly because Sam would be sore and partly due to the risk of infection. Jack feared it would take a lot longer than that to get back to normal, if normal was even possible.

As a result, both of them were a little frazzled and could be irritable with each other. Despite that, they had no major rows, only small spats from which they recovered quickly for the kiss and make up part, when Alice would let them.

Both of them were enchanted by Alice's smile and generally good-natured demeanour. It seemed that once she learned how to smile she mostly didn't want to stop, unless she was sleeping, or crying. Jack joked that she was as moody as her mother and perhaps she had been born pregnant and had rampant hormones to which Sam reacted with a snarl, and then a hearty laugh.

Jack insisted on taking a few weeks paternity leave, wanting to bond with this child as closely as he could. He was not going to become a house husband, as he had threatened, or not yet. Instead they found a suitable nanny who would take over on a day to day basis once Sam was back at work.

Jean Kearney was a wonderful local woman from good Catholic stock who had raised six children of her own and was lonesome now they had flown the coop and her husband had passed away. The O'Neills already knew her quite well, in fact Jack had known her for years, and the whole arrangement had come about quite by chance. When they mentioned they would be looking for a nanny she offered her services.

Because Jack trusted her implicitly with such a task Sam was happy to as well. It was a perfect arrangement, which made Jack and Sam feel considerably more at ease with the issues they both had about leaving their baby in the care of others while they worked.

The couple would spend as much time with their baby as possible and had no intention or desire to become part-time parents, or not more than any other couples who worked full-time for a living. This way, however, neither of them had to give up what they both wanted; they could have everything.

Jean was very flexible. She lived down the street so didn't have to live in or stay over unless it was necessary. She was happy to fit her hours around theirs, so sometimes might only look after the baby for a few hours, or it could be a few days if really necessary. Not that Jack or Sam ever wanted it to come to that and they would try their best not to let it.

She was also willing and able to leave either or both of Alice's parents alone to look after Alice whenever they wanted. They could sneak a few hours here and their, or Jack could work from home, and she would fit right around it. In other words, her hours were not fixed to a clock on the wall, and that could not have suited Jack and Sam better.

Jean had another trait that the couple both appreciated. She loved cooking and spent a lot of her time doing it. In the past she had frequently popped around with casseroles and baking for Jack, when he had been alone, and continued to do so once Sam was living there.

Once she did take over, Jack or Sam would often find themselves coming home to the smell of something good cooking and this saved them some time that they could now spend with their child. Not only that, Jean was a much better cook than either of them, so they ate very well on a regular basis.

Uncles Daniel and Teal'c were a little jealous when her Alice's real uncle came to stay for a few days so the two families could get together and he could meet his new niece. Mark had always been dubious about Jack because he was military and it was bad enough that his father had been and his sister still was.

Seeing Jack as a father, however, warmed him to the man a little. He would catch Jack staring lovingly at his daughter or smoothing her skin, sometimes seemingly unaware that he was doing it, or talking to her quietly, holding her or playing, as much as you can play with a small new born.

Mark knew that any man who could be as loving and tender as Jack was with his daughter could not be too bad, so by the time they left he was half converted to the idea of Jack O'Neill as his brother-in-law.

"Jack was reading 'Alice in Wonderland' to Alice earlier, Sam. Isn't that a bit too old for her?" Mark said to Sam with a grin, sneaking up on her alone in the kitchen.

"Just wait until he gets to The Wizard of Oz," she laughed.

"I hope she doesn't get nightmares."

"Don't worry, Mark, Jack can make the boogie man sound like your best friend."

"He's a good man, Sam. I guess I never appreciated that before."

"You were too eager to pick holes because he's a General, like dad."

"I guess I was. I'm so sorry. I never gave him a decent chance. He's going to be such a great dad. You couldn't have chosen anyone better."

"Dad thought so too, you know."

"He did?"

"He liked Jack a lot, and respected him. I wish he could have been here."

"I bet you do. I'm sorry he's not, for your sake." Mark took Sam into his arms and hugged her tightly. "I love you Sam. Couldn't want for a better sister, and now it's incredible to think of you as a mom. My baby sister," he smiled.

"I love you too Mark. I'm so pleased we're friends again now, and that you think you might like Jack a little. I don't really need your approval but it would be kind of nice to have it anyway."

"You have it."

The visit brought her closer to her remaining family and that gladdened Sam's heart. When they left she realised that she would miss them.

Jack went back to work almost reluctantly and, over the course of the day, often wondered what his wife and daughter were doing when he was sitting there reading a report. He always dreaded going back to Washington and wondered about that too. How long could he continue to do this? How long did he want to continue? It gave him pause for thought. He had promised to give it a few months after the baby was born to see how it went, and then he might consider his options again.

Their life, however, was not without other difficulties as well. Jack had to admit that all those months ago when she had voiced her fears, Sam had been right about their sex life. It was non existent and he was a frustrated man. To make it worse, it seemed that Sam didn't give a damn about it. It was probably the last thing she wanted and she'd been right about that too.

Their relationship had changed irrevocably and it bothered him that he was losing her to their daughter. Jack hated that he felt like that, but couldn't help it, so there it was. He was jealous of the attention lavished by Sam on their daughter and wished he could have her to himself for a while.

Sure, he adored Alice, but he wanted both a wife and a daughter, not just a daughter. He tried hard not to show Sam how he felt, not wishing to upset her. It wasn't that Sam was inattentive to him, she was caring, affectionate, and loving, but he still wasn't getting any sex. Sex isn't everything, but the lack of that act of union kind of spoiled the whole happiness part of everything.

Lapsed or otherwise, Jack had been raised as a Catholic, so if you scratched him you still found good Catholic blood running through his veins. Sam was not a Catholic, and didn't really do much of anything religion wise even if she had a faint notion that she was fundamentally a believer, despite all the SGC experiences relating to false gods and her scientific background. Neither of them wanted their baby to be godless, but they didn't want to raise her as a devout churchgoer either.

This meant that they didn't know what to do about christening or baptising Alice, so they decided to wet the baby's head in the most traditional way possible, by holding a party. The fundamentally important issues were put on the back burner to simmer for a while.

It was hard to cut the list down from way too many to a sensible number to have inside their house at any one time, but they just about managed it, hoping the weather would be good enough on that day to use the yard for overspill, otherwise it might be tricky. As it happens they were lucky, for which they were very grateful, because Dave Dixon and his brood took up nearly a whole room on their own.

Rightly, Alice and her mother were the centre of attention with Jack coming a very poor third, if not way lower given the other children that were turning their house into an unruly home. He was more than happy about that and covertly watched his wife and daughter talking and being made a fuss of.

"Happy Jack?" Daniel interrupted his thoughts.

"Ecstatic Daniel. Couldn't be better, well almost."

"What do you mean?"

"Aw, nothin'. I love Sam and adore Alice. What more could I want?"

"Don't know, you tell me."

"Nothin'."

"Okay." Daniel drawled, knowing there was more but unwilling to press his friend. Now was probably not the right moment. He had to admit that Jack looked ecstatic, so wondered if he read more into it than Jack had intended and hoped Jack and Sam weren't heading towards another bad argument. Jack sighed.

"I was raised a Catholic, Daniel."

"Ah!" things immediately slipped into place in Daniel's head, "You want Alice raised a Catholic and Sam doesn't?"

"Yeah, no. What I mean is, we only skirted round the edges of it and decided to put off the big decision. Sam's not particularly religious, you know that, and she certainly isn't a Catholic. I never even thought about it before Alice was born."

"You're lapsed, Jack."

"Yeah, well…" he shrugged.

"Is it important to you?"

"I don't know."

"But it bothers you?"

"Yes."

"Then talk to Sam about it."

"What if…"

"You could drive yourself crazy with these what ifs, Jack. Don't try pre-empting how she'll react. Don't end up with one of those miscommunication things, again."

"Miscommunication things?"

"You know very well what I mean. Talk to her."

"I guess I should."

"Of course you should. She's your wife, and the mother of your child."

"Alice," Jack smiled dreamily.

"Who is receiving an awful lot of attention today and seems to be enjoying it. She's a great conversation piece, Jack," Daniel smiled.

"Yeah, although it can get a bit obsessive sometimes. Must bore the pants off people who don't have kids."

"No. I for one totally adore her, Jack. I'm happy to talk about diapers and crap, and burping, and what new thing she did today. She has such a great smile."

"She's a friendly baby, isn't she?"

"Must take after her mom."

"Was that an insult I spotted Doctor Jackson?"

"Might have been," Daniel grinned.

"Sheesh, and I think of you as a friend."

"I'm glad you do, Jack. It means I get to play Uncle Daniel, and Alice is pretty adorable."

"The centre of my universe, Danny boy, and the centre of Sam's."

"That bothers you too?"

"What?"

"That Sam probably loves Alice more than she loves you, and probably gives her more attention too."

"She's the general topic of conversation these days, but that's rightfully so, isn't it?"

"That doesn't mean you can't feel jealous. Do you feel guilty for being jealous, for wanting more of Sam than she's giving you right now?"

"Who said I'm jealous?"

"Don't go all defensive on me. I thought that was pretty normal, Jack. What about you, Sarah and Charlie? Weren't you jealous then? But that didn't mean you didn't adore Charlie did it? Or that he didn't adore you?"

"Of course not. You're right, I do feel a little envious. There's something between mother and baby that fathers are excluded from. I guess that's one of the rewards women get for carrying around our children for nine months and then going through agonies to bear them."

"They've got to get something out of the deal."

"I don't think Sam feels hard done by."

"Me neither, Jack, but you do?"

"No, not really. I think I'm a very lucky man."

"Which makes you feel even more guilty."

"Yeah well, I'm a Catholic you know."

"I thought Woody Allen always said that guilt was a Jewish thing."

"Catholics too."

"Oh, right. Kind of makes me wonder why you want to raise Alice in the faith."

"Why should I be the only guilty one in the family?" Jack joked, laughing. "I have a kind of urge to go over and see my wife and child and be part of that centre of the universe for a while. You hanging around?"

"Sure."

"Speak later?"

"Sure."

Jack smiled and grasped Daniel's arm, giving it a small squeeze of appreciation, and joined his wife and daughter, becoming the life and soul of the party once more. General Hammond and his granddaughters were fussing over her now and George looked as pleased as punch.

"Jack! I was beginning to wonder why dad wasn't hanging around his beautiful daughter," George said as he approached.

"Don't want to steal her limelight, sir."

"We've gone well beyond the stage of you having to call me sir, son."

"I try, really I do George, so sue me."

George Hammond grinned in response and Sam asked if he wanted to hold Alice, which thrilled him to pieces.

"Alice seems to have a lot of adopted uncles," Jack commented.

"I'd rather think of myself as an adopted grandfather. Jacob would have been so proud, Sam. He would have adored her."

"Yes, I wish…" Her face was momentarily clouded with sadness and Jack took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. She smiled up at him, her heart lifting at that gentle and loving touch.

"I know," Hammond replied, "I shouldn't have mentioned him, I'm sorry."

"I don't want him to be forgotten, sir. We'd be honored for you to be her adopted grandfather," Sam said with a small smile, thinking about her father. He would have liked that notion too.

"I'd be honoured to accept that role." Hammond smiled happily, "Are they Dave Dixon's kids? Must be, they all look like small versions of their father."

"God help them," Jack quipped and they all laughed.

After everyone had left and Alice was asleep, the happy couple cuddled up together on the couch and Jack decided to take Daniel's earlier advice about speaking to Sam.

"Will you think I'm crazy if I say I think I might want Alice raised as a Catholic?" he asked.

"No. If that's what you want Jack."

"I never could reject it altogether."

"I can't reject God altogether either, Jack, despite everything."

"You mean Goa'uld, Ori and all those other false gods?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe we're both crazy. So what do you think?"

"I said if that's what you want Jack."

"You're not Catholic, I'm a divorcee and also unhappy about some of the church's teachings but…"

"You're still a Catholic. You don't want our daughter to be damned and burn in the fires of hell."

"I guess that's it in a nutshell, yeah."

"So go speak to a priest, Jack."

"You really think I should?"

"Yes I do. I'll come with you if you want me to."

"Yeah, I want you to. You must be the best wife ever, you know that?" he kissed her.

"You deserve it, Jack," she grinned cheekily and Jack rolled his eyes mockingly, pulling her into a hug, kissing her face. "I love you Jack O'Neill." she added.

"I love you too, Sam O'Neill. Great party, wasn't it?"

"Yeahsureyabetchya," she responded in her best impersonation of her husband.

"Although sometimes," Jack replied, laughing and squeezing her gently. "particularly when you impersonate your husband so excellently, I begin to question those feelings."

"Sure you do," she captured his eyes smiled at him lovingly.

"As if…" Jack grinned.

"You always were an insubordinate subordinate, so you shouldn't mind if I am."

"Shades of your dad there, Sam."

"Yeah," she smiled sadly.

"I wish he was around for this too. He would have loved Allie."

"Yes he would. Allie? Already?"

"Why not?" Jack shrugged.

"Ummm, why not indeed?"

Jack kissed her hair and she rested her head on his shoulder. Her father might not be there, but Jack was. Always. That was a reassuring notion. She smiled and reached her hand up to stroke his face. Yeah, definitely way more than merely reassuring.


	12. Clandestine Conversation

Title: Clandestine Conversation

Author: Su Freund

E-mail: See bio

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: Angst / Romance

Content Level: 13+ An adult only version of this story can be found on my website at the address above

Content Warnings: Contains use of mild language and sexual situations

Pairings: Jack/Other, Jack/Sam

Season: S9 onwards

Spoilers: General for S9

Summary: Their new baby, and the resulting lack of sex, leaves Jack with an itch to scratch. But where is Sam?

Sequel/Series Info: Part 13 of The Conversation Series. Sequel to Conversation Piece

Status: Series

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2006 Su Freund

Art Credit: A wonderful picture of Rick with Wylie illustrates this fic on my site and was made into a book cover by Fulinn28. I am eternally grateful. Such a cute picture. You can see it on my site at the address above.

Author's Note: It's been quite a while since I posted one of these – I have been so caught up with other fics - and I thought it was about time for another. This is why I have written a short summary of previous parts below, to remind readers what has happened up to this point. My thanks once again to my wonderful beta reader, Bonnie, for reading over this fic and pointing out the errors of my ways. Any remaining mistakes are entirely my own.

**_Brief Summary of previous parts:_**

After Sam's father dies, and Sam splits with Pete, Jack and Sam finally start dating and before they know it are married, with Sam working temporarily on a project at the Pentagon so that she can be with Jack.

When Sam gets pregnant it causes a temporary hiccup in their relationship. Full of self doubt about motherhood and how it will affect her career, she doesn't tell Jack and returns to the SGC, leaving him broken hearted, but he refuses to let her go and they reconcile. Jack manages to persuade the President to allow him to work from Colorado Springs for half the week so he can be there for his pregnant wife, with a promise that he will get to Washington if required.

Because of what happened with his son Charlie, Jack has his own doubts about raising another child but, nevertheless, is thrilled by the birth of a baby girl who they name Alice Dorothy.

This story is set a few weeks after the birth.

**Clandestine Conversation**

The bar was a known, albeit high class, pick up joint and Jack sat sipping his beer and eyeing up the local talent. It wasn't long before he was approached; a good-looking man like Jack sitting on his own was bound to be a target.

"Wanna buy me a drink big guy?" she asked and Jack thought it was a pretty corny line but looked at the woman and smiled. She was attractive; a drink couldn't hurt.

"Sure. What would you like?"

"Jack Daniels on the rocks."

Jack ordered and she clinked her glass against his bottle and smiled. She had a great smile. He leaned back and looked her over more thoroughly. These weren't cheap clothes she was wearing and she was smartly turned out and didn't wear too much make up. The dark hair was clearly a wig.

"Like what you see?" she said with a seductive drawl.

"Yeah, I like."

"So what's a good looking man like you sitting in a place like this on his own?"

"What's a good looking woman like you doing trying to pick me up?" he countered.

"You think I want to pick you up?"

"Don't you?"

"Sure. I like to play away when I'm far from home and I go for what I like the look of. I like the look of you."

"I'm flattered."

"But are you interested?"

"Kind of getting to the point quick, aren't ya?"

"Why not? Life's too short."

"Yeah, right!"

"Not much of a conversationalist are you?"

"I get the idea that it isn't conversation you're interested in."

"You're right, it isn't." She ran her finger along his thigh and Jack gasped. "I don't like to waste time. As I said, if I'm interested, I go for it. So?"

"I'm married."

"And that makes a difference because? You're a man aren't you?"

She smiled winningly, continuing to stoke his thigh, and Jack made no move to stop her. It felt too good. He was starting to get aroused. It had been way too long.

"My wife's recently had a baby."

"Which probably means you aren't getting it at home. So if you want to play away, where's the harm?"

He considered that, mulling it over and over and simply looking at this attractive woman, appraising his options.

"My name's…" he started.

"No names," she interrupted. "It's much more fun that way."

"Okay."

"Is that a yes?"

"It's a maybe. So you like it anonymous, huh?"

"It's better all round with a one night stand, don't you agree?"

"Mmm… it has an appeal. What else do you like?" he asked, warming to the theme.

"Control."

"Sounds good."

She said nothing, merely looking into his eyes, and Jack sucked in a breath. It was difficult to say no.

"Where would you suggest we go?" he asked.

"My hotel. It's down the street. So it's a yes?"

"Yes."

By now the whole idea had him worked up. He needed sex; he needed it now.

"Ten minutes. Take this."

She pressed a card key into his hand and when he saw the hotel name he raised his eyebrows in surprise. This was a glitzy, expensive place. He nodded and she turned and left, her walk a sexy sway that made him want her all the more.

Playing with the key card in his hands, Jack stepped into the elevator. He had to admit that he was exhausted from a long hard day, which had started not long after he'd got to bed. Another crisis, another drama, another day of mounting tension and edge of seat sitting. Sometimes he still resented the fact that his ass was in a chair instead of out there mixing it with alien bad guys, getting shot at and damned near killed on a regular basis. Scary, yes, but what a rush!

Exhausted he might be but he figured he needed what he anticipated was coming when he got to the room. Room 216. That was it. He swiped the card, got the green light, turned the handle and walked in. It had been a long time since he'd had sex with Sam. He was only human, and a weak willed man who had an itch to scratch.

She was standing just inside the door, waiting and wearing nothing but a bustier, with stockings, suspenders and very high-heels. Man! Holding her finger to his lips to indicate he should say nothing, Jack obeyed, letting her take control. She seemed to know exactly what he wanted and needed.

Pulling his jacket from his shoulders, she tossed it on a chair. Then she slowly undid the buttons on his shirt, caressing the chest and abdomen underneath as each one opened at her command, and taking control of a passionate and quick seduction. Afterwards, he reached for her, but she wouldn't let him, instead taking his hand and leading him into the bathroom.

"Jacuzzi? Wow!" he exclaimed. This was pretty high class.

"Get in," she demanded and he obeyed as she fiddled with a few controls and then joined him.

"Nice!" he exclaimed.

This time Jack took control, although the women did things to him during that encounter that no one else ever had and he was bowled over by it. Once he got his breath back he regarded her coolly, getting up and pulling her with him. Taking a towel, he dried her slowly, caressing her body as he did so. She sighed.

"You want more?"

"As much as my body will let me, and yours," he breathed. "That okay with you?" he asked, and she nodded, "Bed." He led her towards it.

Lying next to her, he kissed her neck and shoulders, along her breastbone, and up to her face, possessing her lips with his. And then he removed the wig, revealing her short blonde hair.

"So why the game, Sam?"

"It was fun, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. I loved it. Thanks for the invitation." He smiled at her adoringly.

Jack had been surprised to receive the note, so clearly in Sam's hand. It read: "Let's have sex. Meet me in 'The Dug Out' 19:00. You don't know me."

Trusting that she had made suitable arrangements for the care of their child, Jack was more than willing to participate in this fantasy she seemed to be setting them up for. Sam had never even mentioned sex for weeks and now this. Wonders will never cease.

She was obviously getting as desperate as he was, and the only way they could do it without any fear of interruption was outside of the home. It seemed she intended to make the most of this arrangement and had enjoyed the role she played as much as he had. Talk about adding spice to a marriage. Wow!

"But you don't want to play anymore?" she teased.

"I want to make love to my beautiful wife."

"Your beautiful wife is more than willing to make love to her handsome husband. Just… let's take a short break, huh?" she smiled.

"You betchya." He curled up close to her, holding her in his arms. "Alice? Is Jean looking after her?"

"Actually, no. Uncles Daniel and Teal'c are babysitting."

"What?" he shot up, looking worried.

"Relax Jack. They have strict instructions to call if we're needed. They can both look after a baby, and they're thrilled. Let them play uncle for the night. If I'm not worried neither should you be, although I have to admit it isn't easy to leave her, but we need a night to ourselves. We both need this, and we need to leave her sometime. Now is as good a time as any."

"A night?"

"Yeah, they're staying at ours for the night, so we get a whole one to ourselves. So relax, Jack, okay?"

"Wow, a whole night? God, I love you Sam." He kissed her cheek tenderly. "And that was pretty amazing."

"Titillating?"

"Oh man, yes."

"We could have carried on the pretence. It might have been fun."

"It was fun," he responded. "It was fantastic but, as I said, I want to make love to my wife. When I'm up to it, that is," he added. "I sure hope I am."

"You will be," she smiled and kissed him lovingly. "But let's just lie here for a while, cuddling."

"That I am definitely up to." He squeezed her affectionately and they lay in silence just holding each other. "That was pretty adventuress stuff, Sam; different," Jack smiled.

"Well, Jack, Sam Carter might never have had the nerve to try it but…"

"Madam Anonymous did?"

"That about sums it up, yes."

"I guess maybe if Sam Carter had done it I might have been more shocked."

"You may not have been so open to it?"

"Don't know. Maybe."

"In that case Madam Anonymous will have to make a comeback sometime."

"I think I'd like that. Maybe she'd be willing to try some other stuff."

"What other stuff?"

"I don't know; whatever we think might be fun stuff, different stuff."

"I think I'd like that too, Jack."

"So don't leave it too long before you write me another note," he smiled and kissed her tenderly.

"Nothing to stop you writing me a note," Sam responded and Jack thought that he might do just that.

"Not too often. Got to keep it fun Sam."

"You mean too much of a good thing...?"

"Yeah, I think. You?"

"If we ever manage to have sex in our own bed again I might agree with you," she answered light-heartedly.

"Well, we'll make more of an effort to do that, Sam. I guess I thought you weren't interested. Too wrapped up with the baby, too tired."

"Getting jealous?"

"A little."

"I'm sorry I gave you that impression, Jack, I didn't mean to. I thought the same thing about you."

"You did?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Dammit, Sam, why is it that we could almost read each other's minds when I was your CO and now we can't? How'd we lose that?"

"Because we fell in love? Because now we let our hearts rule our heads rather than the reverse? I don't know, Jack; this is a totally different kind of relationship. Maybe we just stopped trying. So maybe we just need to try?"

Jack smiled, nodding, and Sam gave him a quick peck on the cheek, settling down quietly in his arms again and pondering that conversation.

'Note to self,' she thought, 'check out what other interesting experiments Madam Anonymous might try with her nameless secret lover.'

Sam liked that idea very much and started mentally toying with the notion of buying different wigs and trying out various versions of Madam Anonymous, or maybe she meant various versions of Sam Carter. It was a concept that preoccupied her for a while until her thoughts drifted onto their daughter. She was very happy as Mrs O'Neill, married to a man she cherished and with a beautiful baby, but it was simply another version of Sam Carter.

It made her wonder how well she knew herself and, therefore, how well Jack knew her, and vice versa. Even after all this time they were learning from and discovering each other. Perhaps they were also encouraging parts of themselves that were previously submerged to rise to the surface. Some of those might be good and some might be bad but it was inevitably interesting, which had to be a good thing.

"I think I might call home, just to check on Alice," she said eventually, thoughts of Mother Sam Carter prompting her to it, and Jack smiled to himself.

"Okay, baby. Good idea."

As his wife spoke to Daniel, Jack caressed her back, running his hands up and down her spine and nibbling her shoulders and the back of her neck. He felt her shiver at the touch and grinned. He was starting to feel up to it.

"Daniel, it's the first time I've left her alone. If I didn't trust you I wouldn't have left her to your tender mercies. Of course I trust you. It's normal for parents to want to check on their children. Don't get so defensive. I'm sure you would have called if anything had happened." She sighed and rolled her eyes at Jack, who laughed and then grabbed the phone.

"Daniel, stop moaning, will ya? The sooner my wife gets off the phone, the sooner I can get back to having mind blowing sex with her, okay?" he imagined Daniel blushing to his roots at the other end of the phone. Daniel stammered at him but didn't actually say anything. "I assume our beautiful baby daughter is okay? Yes? Fine. In that case, we'll see you tomorrow morning."

Jack put the phone down and started to massage Sam's neck. She so loved neck rubs. Sam purred as his fingers magically worked over her.

"So what would you do if a real Madam Anonymous did that to you in a bar, Jack?" Sam asked curiously.

"You want to know if I'd be tempted? Of course I would," he felt her stiffen and continued his massage, "I'm not a saint Sam. Tempted I might be, but I'm not interested in any woman but you. I want you more than anything I ever wanted, except maybe Alice. I've had my chances with women. I could lead a double life in DC for all you know, but I don't. The only Madam Anonymous I'm interested in is an incarnation of Sam Carter."

Sam was surprised that he said that about Sam Carter, as he if he'd read her earlier thoughts. Sometimes Jack was way more astute than even she realised he could be. There were so many facets to this man that she thought she could spend a lifetime exploring them, and that was exactly what she intended to do.

"So, let's get back to business, shall we?" he said, finishing off the neck rub and urging Sam to lie beside him on the bed again.

"Absolutely," she agreed.

"Hear that?"

"What?"

"Absolutely nothin'."

Jack sighed contentedly and she smiled as he pulled her into his arms and started to make love to her again. This was one of the best ideas she'd ever had.

Back at Jack and Sam's, Alice's two adopted uncles were enjoying themselves tremendously, doting on the baby. At least they were until she started crying and neither of them could find a way of making her stop.

"Should we not telephone the hotel, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked, perplexed.

"Not if we can avoid it, Teal'c. Sam and Jack deserve some time alone. I don't want to interrupt…" he blushed as he imagined what they might be interrupting if they called.

"But we have attempted to resolve it. Is the baby ill?"

"I don't think so. She doesn't seem to have a temperature. Maybe she's missing her mom."

"If that is so, then we can do little to compensate."

"Perhaps we should give Jean Kearney a call, see what she thinks?"

"I concur."

Jean turned up within 10 minutes of their call, holding a casserole.

"I was going to pop this round tomorrow, but thought I might as well bring it now," she said with a smile, handing it to Daniel," Perhaps you can put it in the kitchen? Where's Alice?"

Daniel pointed her to the living room and took the casserole into the kitchen as requested. When he joined them in the living room Jean had the baby in her arms and was cross-examining Teal'c. He was trying to explain that they had tried feeding, changing, burping and cuddling, all to no avail.

"She probably misses Sam," Jean said, "There is nothing quite like the mother for a baby this age. This is the first time Sam has left her. Perhaps she was over ambitious making it a whole night away for the first time."

"Should we call her?" Daniel asked.

"Let's try to settle her down first," Jean replied, "if it doesn't work, we'll call." Getting up with the baby in her arms she wandered through to the nursery. "Did you try bringing her in here?" she asked.

"Umm… no," Daniel admitted.

"The familiar surroundings might help. This is baby's room, after all."

Jean held Alice close to her breast and the baby responded to that, nestling her head against the soft bosom and starting to calm down.

"Seems to be working," Jean said with a smile. "I can't do what Sam does with these but they seem to be acting as a partial substitute.

"Something neither Teal'c or I can do," Daniel sighed with frustration, "Now I know what Jack means."

"What do you mean?" Jean probed.

"That there is something between mothers and babies that fathers can't replicate. Neither can you but you come closer than we do. I hope this doesn't mean they won't let us baby sit anymore." Both Daniel and Teal'c looked perturbed by that notion.

"Boys," Jean said, "don't worry too much. Alice will get used to being without mamma. All babies do. She isn't weaned properly yet, that's all. It'll happen." She swayed with Alice, who sucked at the clothing on her breast. "See what I mean?"

"So we don't need to call them?"

"I don't think so. I'll stay around for a while if you like."

Daniel and Teal'c both grinned with gratitude and sat down in the nursery, simply watching as Alice went to sleep at last. Once Jean was sure she slept, she laid her down in the crib and watched for a while to ensure she was settled. Apparently she was.

"Are you going to tell Jack and Sam you called me?" Jean asked once they had returned to the living room.

"I guess we should," Daniel responded. "They will probably want to know every detail of what we did tonight. Can't lie to them. They should know about it."

"I agree," Jean replied, "I'll have a word with Sam about weaning. After all, I weaned 6 of the little beggars. Books are all very well and good, but there is nothing quite like years of experience."

By the time Jack and Sam came home next morning, Jean had gone and Alice was up, fed and changed and seemed happy about it. As soon as Sam walked in the door she took her baby in her arms, whispering how much she had missed her, and how much she loved her. Jack looked on proudly, a huge smile on his face.

"How was it guys? Any trouble?" he asked.

Daniel explained what had happened, looking sheepish. Sam handed her baby over to her father, who looked exquisitely happy with that action, and hugged Daniel, urging Teal'c to join the embrace.

"It's okay guys. It's not your fault. You should have called."

"We didn't think there was anything too much wrong with her, Sam. If we thought she was ill…"

"Yeah, well I for one am glad you didn't call, guys," Jack said dreamily, mind wondering to the copious sexual activity of the night before and that morning before they left. They had certainly made up for some of that lost time. He hoisted Alice in the air, pulling her towards his face and kissing her. Sam joined them and kissed her husband on the cheek.

"You look so cute, Jack," she said.

"Cute? General Jack O'Neill can't afford to look cute," he objected in jest.

"Papa O'Neill can, though, can't he?"

"Can't have her back, Sam. I'm holding her like this forever," Jack smiled, staring at Alice with a smitten expression.

"That could get kind of awkward, Jack, when she needs her diaper changing,"

Sam grinned, besotted with Jack's infatuation with their daughter. She so loved how Jack was with Alice. He was a great father and she told him so on a regular basis, wanting to keep those nightmares from invading him again. She wondered how often he thought about Charlie and what those thoughts were. As a result of that experience there must be some aspects to having a child that Jack was uncomfortable with, but he seemed so happy and she had seen no signs of the nightmares reappearing.

She didn't want to raise that subject unless it was needed. No point in bringing it up just for the sake of it in case that sparked something he wasn't even thinking.

"Hey!" exclaimed Daniel, "how about I take some photos of momma, poppa and baby bear? Can never have enough photos to embarrass her with when she's a teenager, huh?"

Jack and Sam laughed, and Jack suggested they go into the yard to take photos, as it was such a gloriously sunny day. Daniel snapped away: Alice with mom, with dad, then together, then with Teal'c. Teal'c took a couple with Daniel.

"Jack, you take her again. Hold her up to your face, like you did inside," Daniel suggested.

Jack pulled her to him, leaned down to her face, his eyes closed in adoration of the moment, and Alice did almost the most perfect thing possible; her mouth opened and she gently took hold of his nose. Daniel clicked the camera and then looked at the screen at what he'd captured.

"Cool photo! Take a look."

They all stood around the Camera, admiring the shot.

"Wow, Jack that really is cute," Sam said with a huge smile.

"Isn't it?" Jack grinned proudly, "my beautiful baby daughter."

Passing Alice to Teal'c, he took Sam in his arms and pulled her close.

"God, mom, I love you so much," he whispered to his wife. "Thank you for last night. For the reminder that we both exist too."

"I love you too, Jack," Sam responded, squeezing him gently and following that with a kiss. "Always."

"Great photo!" Daniel exclaimed again, having captured that love with the camera. "For posterity."

Jack and Sam smiled, happy in each other's arms while Uncle Teal'c took care of their child.

"Posterity," Jack said," nothin' like it," he grinned, and then he kissed Sam again.


End file.
